Never Just Friends

4. Fear

"Good morning Meredith," Dr. Gold said over the phone at the start of their weekly session. "How are you?"

"I'm...confused," Meredith confided in her therapist. For the first three sessions that she's had with Dr. Gold, she said nothing. Just sat in the office. Finally she'd talked and they discussed her mother's death, which resulted in Meredith demanding her chart and storming out of the office. They discussed everything aspect of Meredith's life. Some would call her "whole and healed" but she didn't consider her self so. Now, they mostly talked about the current events in Meredith's life and how she was thirty-six and still never had a real boyfriend. Dr. Gold brought up Derek...a lot.

"About?"

"Derek."

"What about Derek?"

"I love him. Obviously...he's my best friend in the entire world. If anything changed that...I don't know what I would do."

"I know all of this Meredith. What are you confused about?" she asked.

"I...I don't know. I just feel the constant need to kiss him every time I see him give me his signature smile," Meredith sighed, flopping down on the neatly made bed in the back of the trailer. "But... he's with Rose."

"He's with Rose," Dr. Gold repeated flatly.

"I know."

"He's with Rose."

"You know what, I'm not going to do this," Meredith groaned frustrated, ready to hang up the phone.

"He's with Rose."

"Why do you keep saying that?!" she exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air.

"Because if you can't see what is wrong with that sentence, He's with Rose, we're never going to get anywhere, He's with Rose," she stressed trying to get Meredith to realize her point.

"Okay!" Meredith conceded. "So he's with Rose. So what? He's my best friend. She makes him...happy. I want him to be happy."

"I know you want him to be happy. But, you want him to be happy with you. If he's with Rose that means he's not with you. And do you know why he's not with you? You're scared. You're scared to tell him the obvious truth," Dr. Gold said.

"Are you calling me a coward?" she asked, slightly shocked.

"I think you are very frightened Meredith."

"Are you calling me a coward?" Meredith repeated stressing her question.

"What do you think?" Dr. Gold asked.

"I think you're calling me a coward and I am NOT a coward."

"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. It's al based on what your mind is thinking on the topic," Meredith could almost see her shrink shrugging through the phone.

"I'm not a coward," she huffed.

"Prove it."

"What?"

"I said prove it. If you're not a coward, tell Derek you're in love with him."

"What?" Meredith exclaimed. "I can't! Derek is my best friend. If he doesn't...he doesn't love me that way...he can't."

"Do you know this as a fact?"

"Well no...but yes."

"How is it no and yes?"

"I don't know it as a fact but I just know he can't," she sighed.

"Why?"

"I'm Meredith...I'm his best friend. He can't."