America the Poor: A Wanderers Tale, Vol Two

Chapter 4:The Dirty Details of My New Life,Checking in

I felt a hand on each shoulder after his dismissal of me, and I was compelled to stand and leave. They escorted me to a closet down the long hall, and they grabbed a grey shirt, pants, shoes that were closer to slippers, a towel and washcloth, and very generic underwear and socks. They walked me to a very large shower/bathroom area at the back of the ward.

By this time, I noticed the entire ward was a giant square. The entrance, staff room, dayroom, and TV area was all on the first side of the square, and all the inner rooms of the square were facility rooms, janitorial, storage, security, showers, bathrooms, etc, Every last one.

The outside of the square was strictly patient rooms, without exception that I could see, except a small room with a single tiny window that was always closed. It was called "the quiet room" and my escorts mentioned it as we passed it. I'm sure it was noted on purpose.

So three sides of the square were all patient rooms, two to a room, no exceptions. We got to the very large shower area, there were benches, lockers with no locks present, multiple toilets (with flimsy white doors, but doors nonetheless, thank goodness), and a few individual showers, thankfully with curtains. All my life, I was modest, and not sure how I would have dealt with communal showers, although much later in life I had this sad experience. The showers there were fairly private, which helped me deal with my present situation a bit.

It's the little details in life that truly matter, there's nothing bigger than the little things. I didn't realize this back then, but I know it now, a bit too well. They told me to shower, and I saw they were very much hoping I'd voluntarily do this, since they did not wish to do it for me. I can't blame them, not at all. Picture showering and forcefully cleaning a very unwilling boy patient, uncooperative the entire time.

Just try to imagine struggling with a naked lunatic wet male, in the shower, all of us getting drenched, wounded, fighting, and all equally miserable. Not a pleasant experience for any of us involved, and I would be a total loser as well. Defiance was completely illogical at that point.

It was far easier to go along with the program, so I decided to simply cooperate, since it would happen regardless of my stubbornness. I politely asked them to turn their backs, as per my entire lifetime of simple modesty, and I undressed. I slowly showered, taking my slow time, deliberately, there was no hurry.

When I finished, 20 minutes later, my street clothes were gone, they mysteriously disappeared somehow, and only the grey basic coverings were left. I should have expected this subtle treachery. But I was yet young, and still unacquainted with the deceptions of the world. I was learning however, and only too well.

Soon, the darkness and treachery would become a permanent part of my soul, something I learned only too well. After my rejection at the executive hotel, I was a much darker soul, very open to the less positive lessons of human existence. Mercy and guilt were things I never felt after that event. I was never known as a particularly sympathetic being after those sad events, darkness and merciless attitudes were an integral part of my soul from that time forward.

I lived my sad life accordingly. When my street clothes were stolen, I took it in stride. No mercy was given to me, and so I gave none in turn, and never would. Innocence no longer existed for me, and never would after that moment. My wallet and ID were stolen as well. From that moment on, I would do whatever I must, for my own existence, all other human considerations aside, it was my decision to be as unforgiving as the system I was so callously cast into. Devoid of any mercy or emotion, a true soulless monster, as the system, and all of humankind finally became to me. They wanted a soulless patient, they got one finally, with no heart, no sympathy, no conscience, and a genius IQ.