America the Poor: A Wanderers Tale, Vol Two

Chapter 11:Realizing the Truth, and settling in

In my entire life, I've never been a fan of television, and I believe I made it clear in past chapters. I always preferred a good book, or watching real life, for my entire young existence. I found TV amazingly shallow, loud, and obnoxious, even as a boy.

My mother was a TV addict, I was not.

I entered the dayroom out of sheer boredom more than any other reason, I'd read too much, and wanted to sit mindlessly for a change, and be free of any real thoughts, deep, philosophical or otherwise.

This was long before the thorazine could take any real effect on my brain. It was within 30 minutes of me swallowing their pill. I wandered slowly into the TV room with many other boys at the same time.

Right then I felt nothing but utter boredom, which would affect my actions too often in the future. Boredom was a future motivator, though I didn't know it right then. I surveyed the plastic unthreatening furniture, in colors of blue and grey. I chose a single seat alone towards the middle of the room, behind a group of plastic couches and filled chairs. David B, the little blonde kid sat directly in front of me, rocking back and forth, thumb in mouth of course.

Directly next to me sat Tony B, the fat black kid, mouth open, drool falling slowly from his lip, and he didn't seem to notice, nor even friggen care. I certainly noticed, and I cared, and wrote it here. Of course my roommate Tim P who I barely spoke to yet stayed in the dayroom. TV wasn't a big thing for completely blind suicidal boys. Mainly I noticed they seemed to love cartoons, He-man and star blazers, those were the main ones they liked, but there were many others.

After I sat down on my plastic very harmless chair, many other boys also shuffled in, the timing wasn't by chance. They anticipated what was coming, even if I didn't have a clue. I sat there, ready to let it all go, without question.

On the plexiglass protected screen above I saw the WWF logo, and some very catchy rock theme, followed by a blonde giant going down a hallway accompanying the music. I saw him from behind, wearing a flimsy yellow t-shirt, and recognized him instantly. He slapped his arms, strutting down a hallway. Left arm slapping right arm, and vice versa.

This particular Giant I too knew well. He turned to the camera., and it was the giant that apprehended me, a young small boy. THe one who helped the security of the executive hotel, who apprehended me, picked me up, and slammed me against the far wall. He was the fucker I hated more than any being on the planet, the blonde giant I had a serious shouting match with even unto when I was bundled helpless into a waiting cheektowaga police car.

I hated that fucker and he hated me! He was the same guy, I knew his walk, his face., his voice, and his very obnoxious punk attitude, in fact I never forgot it! IF any being made a lifelong impression upon me, He was the very first to get my utmost HATE!! HIs name was Hulk Hogan, and he was an utter asshole.

I lost it when I watched this. I jumped up, pointed to the screen, and yelled: That's the MOTHERFUCKER who grabbed me!!" I wasn't a rational boy at that point, my rage overcame me completely, and I physically attacked the screen! I jumped up, and punched as hard as I could, then did it again.

The plexiglass screen shook hard, on each occasion, but the screen remained undamaged. I heard a few oh's and ah's from the other boys, but nothing else. I attacked the plexiglass cover as if it was my mortal enemy, and my intent was to decimate the TV behind it, the one showing the face I hated more than anything else in my short life. My strength was immense, but the protection for the screen was far more impressive. After the sixth attack, I felt strong arms restraining me. I struggled, but in a minute it was 4 arms instead of merely two.

I was taken down right there in the TV room, such was my rage. After a few minutes I gave up the ghost, and ceased my struggles, no shots to calm me were needed. I agreed to stop my futile struggles, and leave the TV room of my own volition.

The boys in the room got plenty of entertainment at my sad expense, and it wouldn't be the last, or the most spectacular, simply one of my earlier fits, many more were coming in the future. I wish they weren't, but they happened later. I'm sure I became a crazy story myself.

I wandered back in the dayroom, but within five minutes it was dinnertime. I watched other boys head to the dining area, and then went there myself, passing the all powerful office, where the red haired male staff literally watched my every move, as I watched his.

To this day I believe the staff somehow knew I was no ordinary patient, maybe they sensed it, I don't know, but they always seemed to take extra precautions whenever I was around, and I cannot blame them. I think they feared patients who were too aware, or too bright. The zombies were too easily handled, but the planners were unpredictable. I didn't see many like myself during my time there, maybe two others, we were rare beings, and the drugs were on purpose. The brain fog was by design, it worked well on most boys, but not ALL...

Dinner was completely disgusting, a single chicken patty, peas, and rice. I ate all except the peas, since vegetables have always made me sick. Over my pitiful meal, I veritably stewed in my anger, like the peas I suppose, and the irony of a cruel Universe. I was a small skinny nobody, a helpless sad boy, yet classified as a complete danger, and locked up for who knows how long?

The one who apprehended me was maybe the most famous wrestler of all time, and I knew him to be a giant asshole, drunk with his own physical power and a total jerk. Nothing I wanted more than to slap his large cavorting face. The encounter happened, yet I felt no one would ever believe me.

It drove me far madder than I ever was before, I was completely pissed. I ate my small dinner begrudgingly, mumbling to myself the whole meal; Wondering if there was any real justice in the Universe, sadly there truly isn't, and never was. A lesson I learned quite early, starting with this example.

In all the years after, I never saw my beloved and hated Cee again, her life went a separate path I never found in the future, and mine did as well. Of course she never cared whether I lived or literally died, and another harsh lesson was mine. A young boy learned the truth about unrequited love. As well as learning about an uncaring society that doesn't give a crap about boys like me. Justice is a false concept, always was. It doesn't exist unless and until we force it to exist. Society makes examples. And proclaims publicly "Look justice was done". It's a false idea, and never truly existed, except by excessive unnatural force.

It's another sad lesson that broke my young heart, but afterwards, I became a different being. Far stronger, darker, stranger, less naive, far less forgiving, and less bound by society's moral system; Far more dangerous in the world, as it was meant to be I suppose. Maybe it was destiny ultimately, and unavoidable? .Perhaps I was always meant to become this thing? Monsters aren't born, we are created by the disdain and ignorance of our respective societies.

We evolve eventually not needing the approval or love of others to continue. Yet we end up looked upon as lesser beings, but maybe in reality we are MORE somehow? Those denied the love of the village will burn it down to feel its warmth, that's what we can become. At some point we stop caring about what anyone thinks of us, both strangers and loved ones. We become an island unto ourselves, and that makes us truly monstrous to other humans at that point.

Other beings become unimportant, and only ourselves have any priority, our pleasure, our entertainment, and our evil amusement. Morality is no longer a consideration at all, thanks to what society does to us! We don't choose, this, we are chosen to become this, as I was.

After dinner, I stewed in the dayroom, I couldn't even read in peace, my anger wouldn't give me that peace. That asshole had everything, money, fame, respect, and he was the one who picked me up like a ragdoll, revelling in his power over me. This fact bothered me to no end. In reality I threatened no one, the threat was assumed.