𝐿𝑜𝓃𝓁𝑒𝓎 𝒯𝑜𝑔𝒽𝑒𝓉𝑒𝓇

Chapter 3

For the first time this year the temperatures had gone down below zero degrees (32°F) and the ground was covered by a white snow carpet.

I wasn't quite sure why but I decided that this was the perfect day to visit the library after a long time. The old building was almost empty since there were no heaters, and the only warmth would come from a small fireplace at one side of the room, so it was freezing cold.

Maybe that was why I decided to come here today, to remain my personal peace and not be bothered by the fact that most people were already looking forward to Christmas. Sometimes I couldn't stand the bright smiles on their faces. Maybe Dazai was right, and it was because I envied them.

I looked around the place until I found a book that caught my interest and then picked up a few fresh backed buns at the bakery on the other side of the street before I decided to head home.

On the way I passed by a parc and was suddenly taken aback as I took in a rather strange scenario. On the small lake that was located in the middle of the parc and covered by a thin layer of ice there was a grown man sliding from side to side.

He turned on the ice with such a mischievous and childish smile while he seemed to find amusement in just spinning around in circles. As I came closer, I recognized the ice skater, and I couldn't help but chuckle a bit.

"Dazai! Be careful out there! The ice isn't steady yet!" I yelled as I noticed the small cracks that already formed under his feet. The man seemed so taken aback by my sudden appearance that he tripped and fell backwards. Of course, he broke right through the ice and disappeared from my sight in a second.

I didn't hesitate to drop my bag and run onto the ice but as I came close to the crack my feet broke through the ice as well and I ended up falling into the icy water.

It felt like a million stitches on my skin as the cold hit me with an overwhelming force. I couldn't even open my eyes and my whole body was taken over by a numbness that made every strength leave my muscles. It's so cold. So cold. So-

A strong hand grabbed for my arm and I felt myself getting pulled up onto the ice where I remained for some seconds, unable to move and heavily shaking. The cold water was running down all over my body making it impossible to warm up.

"Jeez, you really did try to commit a double suicide with be just now, huh?" Dazai tried to joke through clenched teeth. He lifted me to my feet and we somehow managed to get off the ice without one of us tripping and breaking in again.

Since my house wasn't too far away, we headed there right the way. I turned up all the heaters and changed into warm clothes. Then I offered Dazai an oversized pullover and the biggest pair of sweatpants that I could find in my wardrobe. He still looked super silly in them, and I couldn't help but laugh every time I had to look at him.

"I can't possibly walk home in this!" Dazai complained as he stood in front of the mirror and captured his own reflection. "Just wait! Your clothes will eventually dry. Besides it's your own fault! What were you even doing there?" I asked.

"I wanted to know how long the ice would last if you'd walk around on it. Drowning didn't seem like such a painful way to die but today definitely changed my mind!" Dazai explained.

I groaned. So he was aware that the ice wouldn't last?

While we waited for his clothes to dry Dazai forced me to play chess with him. He found the game in my living room drawer (I didn't even remember it to be there) and then annoyed me until I finally agreed. I soon realized why Dazai liked to play chess. I felt like the game hadn't even really started when it was already checkmate for me.

The childish joy that Dazai found in playing chess was annoying, but it also amazed me a bit. His eyes would light up whenever he would win even when after some time it got obvious that I had no chance in even getting close to winning. "Okay, okay let's stop here!" I finally managed to convince him after the 5th round.

It would turn dark early because it was winter after all and as the dawn slowly started to get taken over by the night the sky changed from a dark blue into a cloudy black sky. Eventually it would start to snow and tiny white flakes came sailing down from above.

I turned off the living room lights and just sat there starring outside for minutes. Dazai sat down beside me so quietly that I didn't even realize his presence until his head would carefully lean on my shoulder.

"Why does something so beautiful has to be so cold?" he whispered. It reminds me of you. But he never dared to say these words out loud.