AMBUL

~ 30. Frantic ~

Sehun: I want you Y/n. I need you
I still had no idea how my luck got extremely good at love by then. Out of blue, getting luck of love from two men suddenly. I blamed god for bringing that luck at the same time. He should've given that luck in my middle school, highschool or even before my dad arranged me with Chanyeol. Now that I was trapped. To be honest, I loved the attention I got from both of them. I loved that I was the motive for their fight, for their sadness or happiness. But I couldn't be more indecisive and selfish

Y/n: Sehun-ah
I leaned closer to him reaching for his hands in mine longing him to meet my eyes. His teary eyes finally looked me in the eyes with so much uncertainties and fear. Sehun could pick out any girl with his looks and talents but the fact he's crying over me didn't feel right. I felt sad for him too

Y/n: I love Chanyeol
As soon as I confessed, his scowl influenced his whole visage showing his disapproval in a wild way. His face winced cutting out of eye contact we had and struggled to break my hold on his hands

Y/n: Wait, wait, listen to me. Listen to me. Ok?
He stopped struggling from my hold and sagged his head into lower level, making me feel more guilty. I couldn't utter a word waiting for him to descend down from his exhaustion. His jaw wasn't as smooth as before a little uneven with baby beard and he seemed reckless and careless upon himself in these day. I didn't know who to blame for his drastic situation, me? Chanyeol? Or just Sehun. I just knew he needed someone beside him and I wanted to ease his pain

Sehun: Talk to me Y/n. Something? Anything. Just talk to me
By the time he acted normal back, his thumbs were running across my wrists and fingertips as slow as he could. It's very relaxing and soothing, but I couldn't bring back the feelings I had for him. He's now a friend for me, not more than that

Y/n: What were you doing these days Sehun?
As least hopefully to reduce his anxiety, I made out a question as he wanted me to start a conversation with him. And it made it count judging upon the colour change of his expression

Sehun: I did nothing. Literally nothing. I tried to be nothing
His confession showed pain he had suffered and thoughtfully, he was in pain by now too. He had his own life with his family and career not nothing. He shouldn't be titling himself as nothing, cause at least once, he was my love and even though we weren't together now, he's still a precious existence for me

Y/n: What are you doing to yourself Sehun?
The only expression he held over his visage was decay, pain and devastation. He's making me feel guilty just at imagining how he'd live past months with such wrong opinion. The breathtaking smile took place on his thin small lips, while shaking his head repetitively pulling me closer to him from the bond of his grip on my hands

Sehun: I still matter to you right? Y/n? You still care me right?
There was anticipation in his eyes, appealing for my mercy of telling him he was still my matter, even if I had no more interest in him. He didn't deserve that all. He shouldn't be begging for it right now I assumed

Y/n: How can I not, Sehun?
With that, his beautiful satisfaction displayed on his cordial smile. Beautiful a lot. I still blamed myself for not realizing this man was a vulnerable being and I couldn't help but had to break his heart over and over again, like now

Sehun: Mom doesn't like that I still have feelings for you, Y/n
Of course, I already calculated that. Back to that day in third year in uni, Sehun sneaked out of his house due to my order back then. And when he again sneaked in back inside, his mom caught him going out late and scolded him loud and painfully. He even got teased as a mama boy by me after that night. He really did scare so much to his parents, but it wasn't unlike to me too. I also scared and admired my dad so I shouldn't make fun of his obedience back then. Whatever, unmature days