Apology ? [ Short Stories √]

pain

the thing about being in pain, is that, after some time you get addicted to it. when the pain starts to subside, it feels uncomfortable; almost unnatural.

and so you start poking and slicing yourself up, because that pain now feels like home.

and when you think you are getting better, you give in; because you've run out of energy. out of energy to remind yourself that you don't deserve this pain. out of energy to block out the voices in your head. out of energy to be kind to yourself.

so the cycle starts again.

detachment.

numbness.

questioning yourself.

questioning others.

building walls. each time higher than the last. and if the pain is greater, a drizzle of spikes.

overthinking.

the voices getting louder.

giving in to those voices.

destroying people.

destroying relationships.

and then destroying yourself.

then blaming others to not climb the wall, then blaming others for not loving you enough, for not doing enough. because it is never enough.

it is like an endless pit. as if nothing will ever be able to fill it. so the pain intensifies. and you go back home.

but once in a while you find someone, who doesn't want you to go back home. who says they will kiss your scars. and you want to believe them. you want to believe them so bad that you douse the voices in your head and amplify their voice. you read their words on repeat. they share their warmth, they share their rain. they share their pain.

and for a few days, your pain doesn't feel like home anymore. for a few days.

and you live for those few days.