Reunion of a second chance

Chapter 20

"Are you... Are you the Emperor?" whispered the Blind Concubine and his voice was completely hollow, devoid of anything.

It was not because the Blind Concubine thought that if he would let his emotions show, he would break down completely, never to be restored again. No, it was because the shock of the realization of who was sitting on the bed with him that he could barely react in any way at all.

Images started flashing in front of his eyes. He was a small boy again, barely a teenager, and there were guards holding his arms and head in place and one of them was approaching with a hot piece of charcoal. He was a young man again and he just learnt that the man he had come to think of as his friend was the Emperor. He was in the Emperor's bed again and his whole body was battered and broken, just as his soul.

The Blind Concubine was crying. He did not even know what he was feeling. His mind was still catching up to the fact that he had apparently been betrayed once more. By the same man no less.

Even if the Emperor was the most powerful person in the entire country, surely there must have been some limits to his caprices. The Blind Concubine could not be his only target to torture, could he?

After his whispered question, there was a long silence in the room. The Blind Concubine thought for a moment that the Emperor had already left. It would have been fine, he needed some time to come to terms with everything. The Blind Concubine needed a moment for himself to convince his lungs to start breathing again despite all the pain he was feeling.

The Blind Concubine was startled from his efforts however. There was a sudden sound of a chime. It was a somewhat husky one, as if the person ringing it was having trouble doing so, but the response to the Blind Concubine's previous question was clear enough.

The Blind Concubine lowered his head. So Chime was the Emperor after all. The rest of his heart shattered into tiny pieces. He was not angry or hurt anymore. A broken heart could not harbour such emotions. The Blind Concubine was not feeling betrayed either. In fact, there was nothing but a waste ocean of emptiness inside of him.

The Blind Concubine was completely exhausted after hearing that reply. The Emperor was not even trying to refute the suspicion and pretend anymore. That was fine, it had been the Blind Concubine who had been a fool all this time. Even after being betrayed all over, he had not learnt his lesson.

The Blind Concubine shook his head slightly. There was ringing which appeared in his ears and he needed to get rid of it. It was driving him crazy.

When the Emperor – for who else it could ever be! – touched him, the Blind Concubine slapped that hand away. He curled even more into himself, creating a tight ball where nothing and no one would be able to get to him and hurt him.

There was only one thing that the Blind Concubine wanted right now, and that was to be left alone to his pain. Or at least he was sure that he would be hurting once he would actually start to feel anything at all.

"Please..." he begged pathetically, "just let me be..."

The Blind Concubine felt the mattress moving under him. He had expected that the Emperor would be insistent and would try to make him obey by force. However, everything that he could hear and feel were retreating steps. The Emperor left.

The Blind Concubine remained sitting in his foetal position. Tears were streaming down his cheeks until he fell into exhausted, dreamless sleep. And even then, they never stopped flowing.

***

The Emperor was heartbroken. What he had been fearing the most for the last seven years had happened. Just like that, without any warning to soften the blow.

The Blind Concubine had found out about his true identity and just as expected he had rejected him completely.

Seeing the Blind Concubine so broken was unbearable for the Emperor. However, the only thing he could do was to go away. Since he was the reason of the Blind Concubine's distress, he could not stay.

The Emperor's body moved on its own, taking him farther and farther away from his beloved Blind Concubine. He walked like he had lost a soul. Which could actually be true given the circumstances.

He had hurt the Blind Concubine so terribly, he actually deserved everything that was coming. It had been the Emperor's fault if he had lost the most precious person in his life right now. He did not Blame the Blind Concubine for anything.

The Emperor did not know where he was going. It did not matter, just as long as he was walking away from the Blind Concubine so he would not be able to hurt him anymore. He would not even mind it if he was to walk off of some cliff right now. At least that way, the Blind Concubine would finally be able to live a life free of the Emperor's presence.

At some point, he ended up in a bamboo forest. He remembered the time when he had found the Blind Concubine collapsed here, the frail body soaked to the bone. At that time, he had thought that nothing more horrible could ever happen to the other.

The Emperor was wrong; he was exactly the thing which was probably the worst thing in the whole world for his beloved Blind Concubine.

In the end, after who knew how long, the Emperor found himself back in his room. He was not sure he came here himself or if some servant had found him soullessly wandering around and had helped him. And even if the latter was true, the Emperor did not care anyway.

He had nothing to preserve anymore, he had lost his Blind Concubine. It was the end of the world for him.

The Emperor did not cry. No tears came to his eyes and he was too exhausted to do so as well. He did not think he was in any position to be crying at all. He was not the one who had gotten hurt. The Emperor had been the one doing the hurting all this time.

So, why was he so sad? Why did he feel completely hollow and broken after being rejected by the Blind Concubine? He had it coming.

He had known from the very beginning that the moment the Blind Concubine would find out about his true identity, the world the Emperor had built for himself on that small island in the middle of the lotus lake would end.

He had known and had been prepared for that eventuality. So, why was he so hurt by losing the Blind Concubine? Why was he so sad he wanted to cry? Why was his hand still burning where the Blind Concubine had slapped it away?