Reunion of a second chance

Chapter 24

The Blind Concubine took a deep breath and went deeper into the Emperor's room. It was just the two of them now. The imperial physician had just accompanied the Blind Concubine to the door and then decided to wait outside.

The Blind Concubine was walking very slowly and carefully. He could not see the way to the bed where, presumably, the Emperor was laying.

He was using his walking stick but he was still nervous that he would knock something over. He did not need to worry about anything more, his nerves were already spread thin with just thinking about what kind of conversation he was just about to have.

It had taken the Blind Concubine a full two days to gather his courage after the imperial physician had come to talk to him. In those two days, he imagined all the possible scenarios for a conversation with the Emperor. The blind Concubine wanted to know what exactly the Emperor was feeling about him and why he had, once upon the time, ordered to have him blinded.

Now that The Blind Concubine was standing in the Emperor's room, his nervousness was getting the best of him. He was barely keeping himself steady with how much his knees and his whole body were shaking.

The Blind Concubine heard a sound of rustling sheets. He headed towards that direction since he assumed that way where the bed should be. After several careful steps, the walking stick hit wood. The Blind Concubine stopped.

He waited for the Emperor to react in any way to his presence. He did not want to be the first to talk. Partly because he was not sure what to expect and partly because he simply could not find his voice. His breathing was quick and his heart was racing. The Blind Concubine was nearing a hysterical state now that he knew the Emperor was just in front of him.

For the longest time, nothing happened. If the Blind Concubine had not heard the sound of someone being in the same room, he could have assumed he was here all alone. However, when he listened more intently, he could tell that someone was breathing not far from him.

But nothing was happening aside for that. The Emperor did not move in any way and he also did not talk. What should the Blind Concubine do now? He could not find it in himself to actually ask that one simple question: "Why?"

Then, after what seemed like a whole eternity, there was a sound that the Blind Concubine thought was someone gasping for breath or perhaps a single pained sob. The rustling of sheets was back followed by loud 'thud' of something hitting the ground.

***

The Emperor could not tell if this was a feverish dream or reality but he still immediately jumped out of his bed and kowtowed to the Blind Concubine several times. He did not dare to take a look at the other's expression so he kept his eyes lowered.

Then, when the Blind Concubine was not saying anything for a long while, the Emperor choked on another sob which was threatening to escape his chapped lips. He was afraid that the Blind Concubine would just turn around and leave like all those other times. The Emperor could not let that happen.

He threw himself forward and hugged the Blind Concubine's legs below his knees. The Emperor was so weak from the fever that luckily the Blind Concubine did not so much as stumble. He just stood there as the perfect image of unforgiveness and seething anger. At least that was what he looked like in the Emperor's eyes.

Since the Emperor though he would never get another change, like always in those nightmares and delirious dreams, he immediately started to apologize for everything. All he wanted was for the Blind Concubine to stay just for a second longer.

"Blind Concubine, my beloved Blind Concubine... I am sorry for everything... I have never intended to hurt you, I just... I could not bring myself to tell you anything, I was too afraid that you would hate me still. I have taken your sight away in a childish fit of rage and fear. I am sorry for that. I know I have ruined your life forever...

When I have seen you again after all those years, I did not recognize you. I should have, but I have made a conscious effort to forget about that heinous crime of mine. It never even occurred to me that you were the same boy I have hurt so much before.

Please believe me when I say that I have not known it was you. If I did, I would have apologized profusely for all those years you have been locked away in solitude. I would have treated you better. I should have really. I am sorry..."

The Emperor knew he was blabbing but he could not help himself. The Blind Concubine was still there with him and that was the most important part. He was now bringing his heart to him to judge.

The Emperor was gasping for breath and sobbing at the same time. He was completely broken and the fever was not making him think any more coherently or clearly. Still, he knew he had to say everything, fearing there would not be another chance.

"I promised to let you go, to set you free, but I could not. I have fallen in love with you and I could not bear the thought of not seeing you ever again. I have acted selfishly and hurt you again. It was all my fault and I am sorry.

I know you are angry at me, and you have every reason to. But still, I just... I just wanted to apologize for everything. If I could do it again, I would try my best to change it. I wanted to stay by your side as 'Chime' for the rest of my life, but I knew you would find out sooner or later. I kept quiet because I did not want to lose you again...

If you wish to punish me, just say a single word and I will obey. Be it my life, my kingdom or my title, you can have everything. You deserve all of that and more. Blind Concubine, please do not leave me again..."

The Emperor was at the end of his meagre forces. He was exhausted both physically and mentally and the fever had only risen with his agitation. He could not even continue to breathe normally through his sobbing and gasping for breath.

The Emperor must have looked pathetic but he did not mind in the slightest. The Blind Concubine could not see him anyway. And even if he could, there would still not be anything that the Emperor would have wanted to hide from him.

The Emperor collapsed forward and let go of the Blind Concubine's legs. He could not hold on anymore, he should let the Blind Concubine go and have a happy life far away from him. Far away from his selfishness and hurtful actions.

Before the Emperor lost his consciousness, he thought he felt like someone had caught him in his arms. But it could not be true, the Blind Concubine could not have cared about him. It was just another dream. A nice one though, one that the Emperor did not want to wake up from.