Without you

Chapter 3

Vics pov*
"Hurry up Andy we need to go make sure Carina is ready" I shouted from the bathroom while I was finishing up my hair.
"Vic you are the one in the bathroom, not me" laughed Andy.
"Sorry I need someone to yell at because I can't yell at myself" I pointed out.
"Is it terrible that I'm not ready for this?" said Andy.
"Who is ever ready for something like this we lost someone we deeply cared about it's not going to be easy I know you've been having nightmares and haven't been sleeping" I pointed out.
"My best friend was on top of me when she died, of course, I'm going to have nightmares and not sleep much I sometimes feel that pressure on my chest and it's not a great feeling" said Andy.
"You know I'm here for you right I don't mind if you need to crawl into bed with me to get some rest I know you and Maya were close but I'm not asking to be her replacement I could never ask that but I'm here if you need someone to lean on Andy now let's go because we are going to be late I think Gabrielle is making sure Carina is ready" I said as I turned off the lights.
"I'm a little nervous to see Carina she wouldn't let anyone come see her for a while" said Andy as we got into her car.
"Maya said she was like this when her brother died she would sit down while Carina was laying down just staring at the ceiling. She did that a few times in her office I don't think she grasped what we were trying to tell her" I explained.
"I hate that she's going through this what if this completely breaks her and we won't be able to help her" explained Andy.
"We will be there for her we promised Maya even before the accident because we know how Maya likes to be prepared" I said as I pulled into the parking lot.
"Are we ready?" asked Andy as she took a deep breath.
"Mentally no I'm not even close to ready physically I'm not sure but what about you because you are speaking as well as Carina I'm surprised she wanted to speak" I said.

Travis pov*
"Where the hell is Carina at" I asked when I noticed everyone showing up the funeral didn't start for another hour because nobody knew if Carina was going to make it or not.
"Just give her some time Travis this is not an easy day for her let her get mentally prepared for it" said Dean.
"I'm sorry I just really want this to go by quickly" I said.
"Careful some people are going to think you don't care" said Amelia.
"Of course, I care Maya was my captain and family" I said.
"Was that before or after you guys gave her so much shit for making captain before Andy" said Carina as she sat down.
"Hey Carina how are you doing" asked Amelia changing the topic.
"I don't know" answered Carina.
"non lasciarla mentire, non dorme" said Gabrielle who sat down next to her.
"I do sleep thank you very much" said Carina.
"That's when you finally pass out from exhaustion nobody is going to be mad at you for feeling whatever it is you are feeling Carina if you want to be mad be mad I'll make sure these idiots understand that" said Amelia.
"I don't want to talk about it right now" said Carina.
"When are you going to because you haven't spoken to us in weeks we all tried to help you go through her stuff at the station even at your house so Andy can use the office I'm getting tired of seeing her shit at the station. She's gone Carina and she's not coming back so stop pushing us all away and let us help you for fuck sake" asked Jack making everyone glare at him.
"I lost my wife in a tragedy I understand that she was family to you guys I understand that you guys are grieving as well as I am but Maya was my wife. I'm not ready to go through her things at home or the station or even my office" said Carina who stood up and walked away.
"Jack you can't force her to fucking speak to us or to go through Maya's things it's going to take time before she's ready if you continue this shit you'll be on desk duty for a fucking month as well as bathroom duty" said Andy.
"Come on guys it's about to start" said Bailey as she interrupted the conversation thank god because I'm sure someone would have hit him.
You know work is a lot harder to do without having Maya there I sometimes blame Captain Hansen because I feel like if we were able to get inside the building we could have helped Andy and Maya maybe then Maya would be alive and we wouldn't be here watching Carina lose herself or watching Andy deal with the trauma all alone when she falls asleep in the office she wakes up screaming for Maya and we all know better than to walk in there well Vic does they've seem to be getting a lot closer but at least Andy has someone to lean on.