Without you

Chapter 5

(A/N: This chapter is going to be an extremely tense chapter. It will be talking about suicide and death this is your warning it will also probably be the last chapter in the story.)

Bens pov*
"Holy shit Carina what are you doing here we've been trying to talk to you for weeks" I said when I noticed Carina looking extremely pale with dark bags under her eyes like she hasn't slept in months looking extremely skinny more so than normal it seems like her clothes don't fit or they are Mayas either way they seem bigger on her than normal.
"I wanted to see everyone one last time before I left" whispered Carina she said it so quietly that I was almost sure I didn't really hear her say anything.
"Last time are you moving back to Italy" I asked confused well not necessarily confused since that's her home and where her family lives but I didn't think she'd be going back but I guess when someone you love dies you wanna leave for a while to escape.
"Something like that" shrugged Carina when I noticed she was holding an envelope with Andy's name on it.
"Are you looking for Andy" I asked as I pointed to the envelope.
"Yeah is she out on a call" asked Carina.
"No she's in her office I think she's sleeping or talking to Vic who knows" I tried to explain to her but she didn't seem to be listening.
"Are you okay Car" I asked making her look straight at me with a look of pure anger.
"Don't call me that only she could" mumbled Carina as she gripped her shirt tightly her eyes seem to be focusing on everything.
"Okay okay but can you take a deep breath please you look like you are about to pass out maybe you can go to the captains bunk and sleep there for a couple hours" I explained.
"I'm fine can you just give this to Andy and tell her I'm sorry for bothering her" said Carina as she handed me the envelope and left the station.
"I'll find a way to help you Carina we promised Maya" I whispered as I walked to the captains office and knocking on the door.
"Come in" I heard Andy say.
"Hey Captain um Carina just left but she wanted me to give this too you and said she was sorry for bothering you" I said as I walked in and handed her the envelope.
"She was here we haven't heard from her in a week did she look okay" asked Andy.
"No she didn't she lost a lot of weight but she was already skinny to begin with and she looks like she hasn't been sleeping either but I'm going to leave so you can read whatever is in that envelope" I said as I walked out of the office and bumped into Vic.
"Oh sorry Ben I was in my own little world for a second is Andy busy" asked Vic.
"It's fine Vic and yeah I'd leave her alone for a little bit to read whatever it is that Carina had in the envelope come on" I said as I turned her around.

Andy's pov*
"Why do I feel like this isn't going to be good" I told myself while staring at the envelope.
"It's okay Andy you got this" I said as I took a deep breath and opened the envelope and opened the letter up.
Dear Andy,
I know that I haven't spoken to any of you in a while but can you blame me you guys were Mayas family I can't even walk into the station without having a panic attack. I don't think I can do this anymore you see Maya was my home my everything and losing her losing my home has ruined me. I can't sleep because I keep dreaming about her when she told me about how she wanted to be in the clouds so that she could finally be able to relax when she was younger I understand that now I really do. I miss her so much I don't leave my bed because I don't want to face the world without her. I miss the way her eyes light up when she is truly enjoying something. I miss the way she used to cling to me when she was drunk. I miss the way she holds me tight when I would be worrying about her safety at work. I miss the way she held my face as she kissed me. I even miss the way she would smell like smoke after a long shift because that meant she made it back to me. I miss the way she would correct me when it came to American idioms but to be honest I would sometimes screw them up on purpose because it would make her laugh. I miss everything about her how could I not she was truly the best thing that has ever happened to me.I know Jack hates me but I only think it's because he's grieving which I don't blame him. Him screaming at me talking about how Maya is gone was really heartbreaking because I know she's gone I know she's never coming back to me. I know that I didn't realize I was making it harder for you guys to grieve when I was waiting to grab her things from the station and I apologize but i forced myself too even though I wasn't ready. I'm writing this to you because I don't really know to be honest this is my goodbye Andy I can't continue life without Maya it's hard and it sucks. She was the only person that I had left since losing my brother. I know you would say but you had everyone at the station as well but you guys were mostly Mayas family I feel like you guys just tolerated me because of Maya. I just want to be with my wife and when I do Sarò di nuovo a casa.
             Sincerely
Carina Deluca- Bishop
"Shit shit shit" I said as I rushed to grab my things and left the office.
"GIBSON YOU ARE IN CHARGE THERES AN EMERGENCY I HAVE TO GO" I yelled not even stopping to calmly tell them what's going on.
"I'll come with you" shouted Vic.
"No you stay here" I shouted back as I left the station and got into my car.
"Please please be okay Carina please" I whispered to myself as I drove away from the station.