A Recusant Relationship

Talk

You sit there for a moment, processing what had happened. 

You get up & walk to the balcony door to see Cate leaning against the railing smoking, looking stressed.

"Mind if I have a drag?"
You ask as you step out

She looks to you, her eyes teary. She holds out the cigarette handing it to you.
"Thank you"
You say as you take it & inhale slowly

"Why are you still here?"
She asks

"Because I want to be"
You answer, taking another drag of her cigarette

"Keep it"
She says as she grabs another cigarette out, lighting it & sitting down

"Thanks"
You say

"You don't have to stand"
She says, quiet but convincing enough

"With how inviting you sound how could I refuse"
You say sarcastically, moving towards her & sitting down

"I'm sorry"
She says in a shameful tone
"I just-"
She adds, you cut her off

"Stop."
You say she looks at you shocked, you shock yourself to be honest.
"You are going through a very intense time at the moment"
You add, pausing before going on
"And I am here for you. But instead of freaking out and letting it out in anger, in the future can you try talking to me first please"

She takes a deep drag of her cigarette & nods
"I can"
She says, her tears increasing as she runs her hand through her hair getting it out of her face

"And I'm not just an experiment for you.
I'll help you with whatever you need happily. But I'm not doing it to simply get hurt"
You say sternly

"I understand and I greatly appreciate you"
She says
"I don't know what come over me"

"I honestly think you're extremely overwhelmed with everything and it can all be confusing"
You say

Cate Blanchett couldn't be attracted to you surely.
She could have anyone she wanted.

"Overwhelmed is an understatement"
She says
"But I don't think I'm confused"

You look at her with an interested look

"I know the difference between passing feelings and ones I have had for as long as I can remember"
She adds

"I believe that"
You say
"I'm not saying you're confused about yourself, I mean feelings involving me"
You add

"Mm"
She nods
"That too"
She answers, pausing, not yet finished what she is saying before her phone rings

"Take it, it's ok"
You say

"Thank you"
She says, putting out her cigarette & running her hand over your shoulder as she passes you walking inside to get her phone

The conversation sounds intense.
You finish your cigarette & a few minutes pass before you walk inside

"I'm going to go"
You mouth to her

"Give me a moment"
She says to the person on the phone, pressing the screen to mute it you assume
"Would you like to stay or would you like me to drive you home?"
She asks

"I'll find my own way home it's ok"
You say

"No please"
She says

"It's absolutely fine, I will be fine"
You say convincingly

"Please let me know when you're home safe"
She says

"Will do"
You say as you grab your things & head out the door

"Goodnight y/n"
She says, walking you to the door
"Thank you"
She adds, looking like she wants to hug you

"Goodnight Cate"
You say as you walk out.

You finally reach outside, the cool fresh air on your face, finally able to think more clearer.

What just happened, what is going on.

You order an Uber.

The ride home didn't take long, you make it inside your place & turn on your coffee machine, still absolutely baffled at what had happened earlier.

Your phone chimes with a message, it's Cate

Cate: Are you home safe?

Your heart thumps.
You need some coffee to clear your head.
You begin making your favourite coffee, getting your mug & everything you need.
Your phone chimes again

Cate: Don't make me send a search party

You can't help but chuckle. She does care.

You: I'm safe

Cate: But are you home safe? I don't want you walking at night

You: Yes, I am home safe 😂

Cate: Excellent. Thank you again and sorry again if anything I did earlier wasn't wanted x

A kiss

You: No problem, no apologies it was fine, have a good night 😌

Cate: Goodnight darling ❤️

You sip on your coffee still blurry from earlier.
What is she doing? what does she want?