A Recusant Relationship

Confessions

"So what's next?"
You ask as you sit & sip with the blonde

She takes a mouthful of the bubbly liquid
"God what do you mean?"
She says in a lighthearted tone

"Will the article effect the divorce proceedings?"
You ask gently, she knows she doesn't have to answer

"Well, I don't believe it will effect the proceedings but I certainly believe Andrews team will use it for something"
She says, repeating the word
"Certainly"
before taking another sip

"Surely there's a difference between being photographed having breakfast with someone versus actually being in a relationship with someone"
You say

"Oh absolutely"
She pauses
"To us. But to what will more than likely be men involved in dividing assets I feel that to them it's completely normal for a man to jump straight into another relationship with a younger woman, versus a lesbian ex wife, that's a whole other story I suppose"
She says without blinking an eye

That's the first time she's said something like that...

"True, but I don't think a photo of you having breakfast with a woman will automatically make people assume you're gay"
You say, questioning if she meant to say what she said

In a final motion she downs the rest of her glass
"There's been articles in the past when I thoughtlessly said I'd had 'many' relationships with women in the past, it's not exactly hard to believe"
She says, gesturing the quotation marks before pausing & thinking for a moment
"Hell it's true"
She adds, instantly looking down in realisation of what she's said/is feeling

You pause, cautious & carefully thinking of what to respond, this is a big thing
"Is it?"
You say softly, your arm nervously finding her back in a supportive touch

Her eyes tear up, she lifts her head to the air attempting to hold them back

"Is that that first time you've said it out loud?"
You ask in a supportive tone

She nods, gently dabbing her tears, you give her a soft smile, she still looks away

"And how did it feel?"
You ask, searching for her eyes, hoping for her eyes

"Good"
She says quietly, slowly making eye contact with you
"Really fucking good actually"
She adds with confidence, more tears falling as she smiles

"You should be really proud of yourself"
You say, her hand reaches out taking your hand from her back & squeezing it in appreciation
"I think you deserve a cheers"
You say

"Absolutely"
She agrees, you finish your glass before you pour both of you more

"To living your truth"
You say lifting your glass

"To living my truth"
She says with an emotional smile as your glasses clink together & you take your sips

"And to all the queer women who will loose their shit when they find out"
You say with a chuckle

She shakes her head with a laugh
"I don't know about that"
She says modestly

"Are you kidding Blanchett"
You say in a playful tone, really feeling the alcohol now
"I'm one of them!"
You add
Her brows raise in a challenging way
"Go on"
She says, amused in your reaction

You pause, trying not to let just the alcohol speak because god knows you'll get yourself in to trouble
"You really don't have any idea just how crazy people, especially women are about you do you?"
You say in a dramatically shocked way

She chuckles not in a normal tone, in a powerful tone. It rattles you, gives you life, like you were just reborn by a single sound.

"I really love that sound"
You say with a quiet smile, you feel yourself begin to blush with the realisation of what you just said

Her brows lift 
"What?"

"Your laugh. I want to hear it more often, make it happen more often"
You say

Her face looks like it glows when she hears what you meant.
She smiles, looking down at her glass
Is she blushing?
She takes a sip
"Thank you darling"
She says, holding your hand.
You're lucky your sleeves are long enough to hide the goosebumps that have risen over your body

This woman has you enamored. With her golden hair that you want to run your hands through, the lines of her face that you want to trace with your fingertips, her laugh that kept ringing in your ears like your favourite song as you made your ways through the rest of the bottle after you partially confessed about freaking out over her coming out.

I don't think finishing the bottle was the best idea.

Her shimmery eyes look at you, look into you
"I really like you you know"
She says, her voice soft, softer than you've ever heard her speak

"I'm glad you do now"
You say with a smile

Her eyebrows furrow
"What do you mean?"
She asks with a confused smile

"I still swear you use to hate me"
You say smirking at her

"Oh stop it"
She says, giving you a nudge
"I explained to you the circumstance"
She adds

"I know"
You say jokingly
"I must say as much as thinking that you hated me sucked, it was a tiny bit attractive when you were being a bitch to me"
You say with a cunning grin

Her whole demeanour changes, her face straight, her eyes look into yours completely intimidating you but you don't dare look away.
"A bitch?"
She asks, her voice low, angry

You let out a nervous laugh
"No no I mean-"
She cuts you off
"Go on, say it"
She says, her voice louder, lower as she begins moving closer to you

"You were a bitch to me"
You say
"It felt like you were always trying to intimidate me or something"
You add

"Oh really?"
She says leaning closer
"And you think that sort of thing is attractive?"
She adds

You swallow, your throat is so dry but you don't dare take a sip.
You nod
"What about me being a bitch was attractive?"
She says

You pause, finding your thoughts
"I think there's just something appealing about breaking down that hard exterior, removing that mask and being the only person to get to that"
You say

She nods slowly
"Tame the dragon huh?"
She says almost like she's talking down to you
You say nothing just watch her.
She flicks her eyes down to yours
"And do you think what I'm doing right now is attractive?"
She says as she is face to face with you, an amused smile finally crossing her face

"I do"
You say, the corners of your lips ever so slightly turning upwards cautiously...