The secret that killed us • maknae line x BTS

6 - Tell me how I feel

"And we all fall apart to what made us".

THIRD POV

Taehyung stared blankly at the wall in front of him, his eyes full of tears yet devoid of any emotion. He didn't know where it went wrong, well he did but he didn't why it went so wrong. He couldn't get over it.

It seems so easy in the movies. Killing a bad guy. Or the protagonist hurting someone else in self-defense. You justify it so well for a fictional character but the young singer just couldn't do that for himself.

Taehyung liked to think that he deserved to suffer more because he was the one who recklessly drove that piece of glass into the man. He knew it was self-defense but he couldn't get out of the cycle of toxic thoughts that had trapped him. Truthfully, the guilt was just a trigger. A trigger to fire off all the bad already sitting inside him to wake up.

When taehyung said he had gotten better, he meant it. But once you've felt pain, loss, and pure devastation, it's hard to completely forget it. Wounds don't heal with time, they just get easier to deal with. Even if you do end up in that despondent state of mind again, you know how to get back up. But the incident that night had pushed him down. Down and far off a cliff and smothered him with everything that a sane human would like to keep out.

He was anxious. The day after the incident, in the evening, was the perfect witness to his growing anxiety.

Flashback

That day after lunch they had discussed details of their break. The boys could do anything they wanted in this much-awaited and well-deserved break. An entire month to themselves. Taehyung had a lot of plans but now he didn't even know if he wanted to say alive.

That day, every door that shut, every ringer that went off, the yelling of the band members, the hot suffocating summer air wafting through his room, everything triggered him. He was flinching every other second, he felt suffocated. Afraid of what he had done. Afraid of what would happen next.

And when his phone rang it was as if the life was sucked out of him. He was too scared to look at the caller ID.

Could it be the police? But how would they've gotten the number? Maybe they got it from the company? But why would the company give such information out before consulting with them? What if it was the company? What if..

Taehyung was snapped out of his thoughts when the phone stopped ringing but a knock on the door followed. His large brown eyes stared hard at it but he visibly relaxed when he heard a familiar voice.

"Hyung open up". It was jungkook.

The young man got up using all the strength he could muster up and walked towards the door. On opening it, he was met with Jungkook who looked as terrified and angsty as he felt.

"Why weren't you answering your phone?", The younger said as he made his way into the room. The younger sat down on the bed, brushing his hair back.

"Sorry, I- I", Taehyung began.

"It doesn't matter. Did you even check your messages?", Jungkook asked looking at the older.

"No?"

"Bang si hyuk wants to meet with us. The three of us." Jungkook said staring even harder at the older. His Bambi eyes looked even more innocent with fear flickering in and out in them. Taehyung only felt more guilt.

"What? Why?" Taehyung replied, even more, distressed than before. If he was being thrashed by waves before he was completely drowning in a tsunami of angst now. Shit, he knows. Bang si hyuk nows!