Vermillion

50

A/N: Hey loves :)

I'm so sorry for not updating recently i've just been very very busy between work, school and my own personal issues, I know I have said this a thousand times before, but I'll try my best to get back into it, although it might take a while. 

Hope you are all doing well! Thank you for the lovely messages <33

:｡･:*:･ﾟ'★,｡･:*:･ﾟ'☆

"Come home with me" Raffaele said to Circe as he buttoned himself up.

"I-" Circe began, wanting to decline the offer, but she hadn't seen Fleur and Ilaria in so long, she would feel guilty if she didn't.

"I'll go to your house with you, but only to see Ilaria" She told him, putting the last few dishes in the kitchen to be done the next morning.

"Are you working tomorrow?" he asked her.

"My shift ends early for the holidays" she told him, almost forgetting that tomorrow was Christmas Eve.

"I'll be at your place at six?" he asked her, and she wasn't surprised that he knew her address.

"Alright" was all she said, ushering him out of the building and locking up.

"Let me give you a lift" he offered, but she shook her head side to side, refusing his help and making her way back 'home' by herself, under the dark shadow of the moon, and the sounds of struggle filling her ears.

She wasn't living in the most glamorous part of New York. The conditions were shit, burglaries, muggings and murders were every day occurrences, and walking on your own at night could be considered suicide, especially as a woman, but the rent was cheap, and she knew how to protect herself.

She always kept a piece of her past on her, in the form of a shiny blade, tucked into her waistband, or in her jacket pocket, so that if it came to it, she was prepared.

She couldn't depend on her fighting skills, as years of exhaustion and constant hunger had taken its toll on her, and she doubted she could even throw a proper punch if she tried.

Although the rent was relatively cheap, she was still struggling to get by. Double, and sometimes even triple shifts at the diner weren't cutting it anymore, and she often thought that life wasn't worth it, but she knew she had to keep going.

She didn't know why she knew this, but she did. She held a constant hope that kept her heart beating, and her blood flowing.

Hope that maybe, someday, things would get better, that she would settle down, in better conditions. Be well fed, well dressed, and in well health.

She barely recognised herself when she looked in the mirror these days, her cheeks were more hollow and defined, her eyes sunken with fatigue, her collar bones jutting out and her once healthy figure, appearing gaunt and frail.

She had her usual cold shower when she arrived at her apartment, not being able to afford heating or hot water.

When she stepped out, and in front of the mirror, her eyes were drawn to their usual spot, her stomach.

Tears brimmed her eyes as she recounted the day she found out she was pregnant. The initial shock and denial, then the fear, and then the sudden connection she felt to the human growing inside of her.

She mourned for her baby, how she never got to watch them grow, never got to see her stomach swell up with the life that was inside of her.

She never got to hear her babies first cry, see their first smile, she didn't even get to hold them.

Her fingers played with the chain around her neck, a small vial, containing the ashes of what could have been her baby.

After the doctor has operated on her, and removed the foetus, Raffaele had the baby cremated, as Circe was still out cold.

She curled up in a ball on the small bed in the corner of her apartment, wrapping herself in as many blankets as she could find, trying to fight the Winter cold, but she shivered as she slept, and woke with a sore throat, a reminder of how shit her life had become.

:｡･:*:･ﾟ'★,｡･:*:･ﾟ'☆

She made herself look as put together as she could, tying her now long hair back into a low ponytail, her usual flyaways now sticking to her head with the help of hairspray.

She wore a pair of black tights, a plaid skirt, and a jumper to keep her warm. It wasn't as glamorous as her usual attire, or the attire the people of her past were used to, but she made the best of what little she had.

She always cursed herself for not saving her money when she had it. But her days of working in the club were fuelled by drugs and booze. Any money she could get her hands on went up her nose, or straight to her liver.

She had more or less recovered from these struggles, but every now and then, when she had some spare cash, she would buy a little something to keep her going in the diner, to keep her awake and alert.

A light knock on the door of her apartment startled her, but she quickly gathered herself, dusting non-existent crumbs off of her jumper, and opening the door.

"Hi" he smiled at her, and she gave him a half smile back.

"Hello"

She locked the door as they left, placing the keys in her bag, following Raffaele into the elevator.

The air in the elevator could be cut through with a knife, being so thick with tension, the two could barely breathe.

When they reached the ground floor, they hurriedly made their way outside, needing the fresh air after holding their breaths for so long.

The drive was similar to the elevator ride, awkward, and tense. Neither of them dared to speak, as neither of them knew what to say.

"Circe!" Ilaria exclaimed as they entered the house, a high pitched squeal following shortly after.

"Ilaria" Circe sighed contently as she let her once best friend embrace her with a warmth she hadn't felt in a very long time.