An Unofficial Guide To Living a Happy, Worry Free + Fulfilling Life

April 6: Roundup, Progress (?) + Never Doing The Right Thing

March was a tough bloody month.

How ironic; my monthlies causing a lot of this trouble (ew).

So far, I think I can say I've learnt a few things and done a few that I otherwise wouldn't have.

I learnt:
- When you experience PMS or PMDD, there are natural ways to ease what you are feeling. *NB. I haven't yet tried these techniques but I will be further looking into it this month.
- You do not have to take "uppers" if you are willing to try and heal yourself first. The takeaway? EXHAUST ALL OPTIONS BEFORE RESORTING TO MEDICATION.
- You are not your issues, problems, feelings. They may influence your situation and your actions, but they are not the essence of who you are. Therefore, sometimes we feel dissociated from who we are simply because our actions, situations and issues are not familiar.
- You must accept that sometimes you won't feel like yourself (at all), but you must learn to breathe through these motions and know it will feel different soon.
- Pushing yourself past your comfort zone is excruciating, draining, upsetting, tough, but very necessary if you want to make something of yourself/develop yourself/grow/love your life. I have yet to experience the adrenaline, fun, excitement-inducing feelings of stepping outside of the comfort zone. So I ask God to provide an opportunity that will feel positive and new to me (I'm so scared already thinking that I have to do something new!).

Things I did:
- Walked to an ATM by myself twice - once at home and once while on holiday. I don't normally immerse myself in busy streets unless it is essential.
- Had a cry for a couple hours on the beach while on holiday due to feelings of overwhelm. In turn, the family was worried because I had no phone and didn't say where I was going - reference: don't believe they will think you're alright or that you'll just turn up. Keep people informed.
- Realised (for about the hundredth time in my life) that crying feels good, it is nice to let go of tears, and while it temporarily eases your hurt, it is still effective.
- Enjoyed myself at a wedding that I was anxious about going to for lack of knowing anyone besides family, and not feeling happy about my body and how I hate to get dressed up. I barely interacted with non-family members, but that can be the next step. I was just happy to have enjoyed myself (courtesy of a few champas, I might add).

Also, I think I can say I have learnt from past experiences. I always wondered how people actually grow and change when certain things happen to them (like how in TV shows people learn a lesson every episode and become better all the time even though that's so false).

But this morning I was blamed for making someone late to an appointment. I arrived five minutes before they told me we had to leave. I sent them a text to say I was waiting out front, because every other time I've gone to their place when we are carpooling, they're either in the shower, out of the house or have the front door locked. So I figured I'll save face and just wait until they're done.

Turns out that ten minutes later they reverse out of the driving, beeping the horn and snapping at me for not coming inside, saying "I didn't check my phone! We're already so late!" Well how about giving me an earlier arrival time to begin with and taking it upon yourself to have your car waiting by the road - I mean, you apparently were ready and waiting to go!

You know what, though? I have learnt something and changed myself due to this. Just like the boy who cried wolf, when someone tells you to be somewhere and then can't hold up their end of the deal, you learn not to take them for their word. Their word is worth a little less.

So the takeaway for those of you who do this shit - telling someone to be somewhere though you aren't ready/are somewhere else - please know that this is a major inconvenience and it makes you look shady as a motherf and slowly convinces people that you're not really serious.

I also would like to pledge to myself my commitment to my health and fitness. This is the most cyclic wish of mine that I constantly fail to keep. I desire to feel healthy, able-bodied and happy with my figure, and it begins with baby steps. I've felt too much hurt over not following up with my workouts and vegan eating. And I kinda feel excited about being fit. I hope it doesn't wear off.