Jester (Man x Man) ✔

24) s h a r d s

Lately Benjamin had cherished his work even more than he normally did. It gave him some much needed distraction and he often dragged out leaving after the day's work was done. He stayed until everyone else was gone and switched off the lights and locked the doors when he was finally ready to meet the oppressing atmosphere that waited for him at home.

He was making a poster for a local brewery when his phone started vibrating in his pocket. Only then Benjamin realized how late it was, but more than that he was surprised to see Eli's name on the screen. Despite all it still made his heartbeat accelerate, it still made him smile for a couple of seconds, before he remembered how things had turned out between them.

"Hi?" Benjamin answered the call. He could hear clamor, but no one started talking. "Can you hear me?"

"Um, hi. It's me — Steven — again. Wait a sec." The line went quiet for a moment, but Benjamin could hear Steven saying something indistinct to someone. "Yeah, so, could you come pick Eli up again?"

"From FAB?" Benjamin frowned. If Eli had started drinking after his shift, he would have to have drowned a bottle of whiskey in less than two hours to be too drunk to make it home on his own. 

"Where else? I could take him home, but I think you two should talk. Tell him to tell you — seriously, Eli, stop that —" There was some sort of a struggle, but then Steven was back on the line: "Sorry about that. Just come get him and tell him to tell you what he told me, okay?"

"Okay, I'll be there. Get him water. Or soda, just don't let him drink anymore." Benjamin had already turned off his computer and got up to pull on his jacket. He didn't know whether to be annoyed or worried, knowing that Eli had gotten himself wasted in the middle of the week.

••••

"Where is he?" Benjamin demanded once he spotted Steven from a hallway that led to the men's room. Steven turned to look at him, visibly relieved to see him.

Right then the men's room door opened. Eli stared at Benjamin, surprised like he couldn't believe Benjamin was actually there. His skin was pale, apart from his cheeks that were reddened from alcohol.

"You didn't have to come." Eli shook his head. He had stopped walking, but he didn't break eye contact. 

"Let's go home." Benjamin said softly, surprised by the tone he had used. He watched wordlessly how Steven walked to Eli and hugged him clumsily. 

"I love you so freaking much, stupid." Steven's voice slurred, but it was thick with emotion. Eli wrapped his arms around Steven briefly, but looked away when Steven tried to meet his eyes. Benjamin couldn't hear what Steven whispered to him next, but it made Eli frown and shake his head.

When they walked home, neither Benjamin nor Eli said a word. Eli had stuffed his hands in his pockets and his head hung low. Benjamin didn't know what to say to him, so he just kept walking. There was so much he wanted to talk about, so many questions he wanted to ask, but he didn't know where to start, so he said nothing. Eli seemed to be lost in his thoughts as well.

Then they were standing in the elevator. Every now and then they stole glances at each other from the mirrored walls, but they still hadn't broken the silence. Benjamin felt bad seeing Eli's sunken cheeks and the dark circles under his eyes, but he knew he wasn't looking much better himself. They were both haunted by what Eli had done.

Benjamin opened the door of his apartment, letting Eli in first. Then he switched on the lights and shut the door behind. Eli didn't stop at the hallway, but walked straight in. A moment later Benjamin heard a sound of shattering glass from the kitchen. He hung his jacket on the coat rack and hastened his steps to see what had happened. 

Benjamin didn't even notice he had stopped moving when he stared at Eli, who was standing by the table still like a statue. His gaze was on the broken glass that was shattered around his feet. 

The unblinking stillness was unnerving; Eli just stood there with a dazed look in his eyes. Benjamin knew he was drunk, but he wasn't that drunk. It wasn't the alcohol in his blood that was causing whatever was going on in his head.

Then, without making a sound, Eli crouched down and started hauling the shards of glass in his hands. 

"Hey. Don't do that." Benjamin cried out, waking up from his own daze, and rushed to Eli. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to." Eli whispered and continued cleaning the mess with his bare hands. His eyes brimmed with tears, but the look in them was blank and distant. 

"Eli, stop. You'll get hurt." Benjamin seized Eli's wrists.

"I didn't mean to." Eli mumbled, now looking down at Benjamin's hands that were holding his wrists. "I didn't mean to, I swear." 

"I know you didn't." Benjamin tried to keep panic off his voice when he tentatively moved his hands and wrapped his arms around Eli. "Let me do the cleaning, okay?" He pulled Eli in his embrace, away from the shards of glass. 

"It's all my fault." Eli's voice was small, toneless. He let the shards he was holding clatter to the floor and slumped against Benjamin. What he said next, he said so quietly it was barely audible: "I thought nothing would hurt more than emptiness, but.. This. This is worse."

Benjamin held him tighter after hearing the words. If emptiness had driven Eli to try to take his own life, what would "this" do? Benjamin was angry and hurt, but he didn't want anything bad to happen to Eli. He didn't want to see Eli suffering like that, and if his cold treatment and resentment had led Eli to feel that way, he needed to stop.

That night Benjamin slept next to Eli. After so many nights he was holding him in his arms. Benjamin had tried to make Eli come to bed, but he had refused, so Benjamin had had no other options than to sleep on the floor. He had been too shaken to leave Eli out of his sight, afraid of what Eli might do if he did.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

This is random, but whenever I wake up too early / can't fall asleep I just read Wattpad stories for hours. I woke up at 2 am today and I've just been reading and reading.. please tell me I'm not the only one.

Also, don't forget to drop a vote if you like this story. :)