New Boy | Miguel Diaz

213

Sensei Kreese had me sit with him in his office. There wasn't a reason why, but it seemed important because if not, he wouldn't have taken me out of a lesson.

"Is everything okay, Sensei?"

His hands were folded, and he looked almost sympathetic. "I found your mother."

I gulped, fixing my posture. "W— wh— how?"

He shrugged. "She's not too far from her old place. Just a few blocks down."

I worried this whole time about where my mom was, just for her to be a few blocks down? Are you kidding me?

"How is she?"

That's when the sympathy started showing.

"Miss Lawrence, I'm sorry you have to hear this from me, but your mother... she's sick."

"Sick?"

"Sick. She was diagnosed with lung cancer not only a few months after leaving rehab."

"She was in rehab? Lung cancer— are you making this shit up?"

"I would never, Miss Lawrence. Jessica's been taking care of herself; she hasn't relapsed since she left rehab. She's getting better... in some ways."

I never thought about how my mother was on her own. I wasn't there to have her think she couldn't come home lost out of her mind. She completely lost herself.

"Why'd she move out of Reseda?"

"To get away from you. And Johnny boy, of course. She couldn't stand the fact her daughter was only a door away, but not once had you knocked on her door. She misses you."

Ever since I started staying with Tory, I got the urge to find my mom. Maybe I could've stayed with her... if she gave me the chance. I would never stop searching for her until I found her, but now that I have, is it really a good idea to see her again? Especially in the state she's in now?

"Does she want to see me?"

Sensei Kreese leaned on the desk, hands still folded. "More than anything."

—

213.

I stared at the number on the apartment door, and back at the address on my phone.

I looked around the building; clean, safe, peaceful. Better than Reseda.

I took a few more deep breaths— more than I took before walking out the car.

Three knocks to the door and now we just had to wait.

Five seconds later— no answer.

I knock one more time and wait.

A part of me hopes the door opens and I see my mom. The other part is telling me it's best she doesn't, I leave, and never come back.

I want to knock again, but I choose not to. A few steps away from the door, and I hear it open.

When I turn around, I see the lady who I wished to have never seen after that day in court. The day I thought my mother would be out of my life, forever.

I walk slowly to her and stand there until she says something. She only stares at me. Her hand is on her heart, and her mouth is slightly open as if she wants to speak.

"I didn't think you'd actually show up."

I blink. I look down at the concrete. "Can we talk?"

She tries to smile, "Of course— come in."

The apartment is clean— for once. The kitchen table is covered with pill bottles; hoping they're meds from the hospital to help with her treatment.

She turns off the t.v. and rushes me to sit down.

"How— how are you?"

"I'm good..." We all know that's not true but I really don't know what I'm doing here or what to say.

"That's good, that's good." She smiles and her hands go up to her mouth like she was excited.

My heart hurt seeing her like this. It could be from the meds, or just seeing me in general, but something was off. It just didn't feel right.

"Sensei Kreese told me everything. I know that you're sick. I know you went to rehab, and that you're getting better."

She holds my hands, but I don't move a muscle. "It's great, right? Look at me— I feel amazing."

"Do you? Mom— I'm sorry, but you look high on drugs." I tried my best to not break down in tears. I could tell so was she.

"I'm just so happy. I'm sitting on this couch with my daughter. I thought I lost you forever."

I took my hands out of hers, setting them back on my lap. "When'd you move from Reseda?"

"The day Johnny Lawrence got full custody of you. I packed some of my things— stayed in my car in an empty parking lot for some days, and found this place."

"So, you never really moved out from our old apartment?"

"No— no. Everything— your things, they're still there. I couldn't find the courage to throw your things out."

"When I was living a door away and you could've just knocked—"

"You don't understand, baby. That was our home. You made that place feel like home. Without you, it was empty. Silent. You think living without that one person who made you feel safe and secure was easy?"

"No, Mom, it isn't easy. Trust me, I know."

She changed her sitting position so that she faced the t.v. and not me. For a second, we were both silent. Until she got up and went into a random room.

She came back with a key in her hand.

"I still have the way back into our old home. I never found the courage to go there by myself. Do you wanna come with me?"

Without saying a word, I got up and followed her out the door.