sick | billie eilish

ch. 30

Billie

My body was comfortable, warm. Arms are wrapped around my stomach and a certain someone's forehead was gently pressing against my back. I still can't believe I went seven whole weeks without this. How could I ever do drugs when this is available to me? A content sigh escapes me as I scoot back a bit, smiling at me being pulled closer by the arms I was currently wrapped in. I heard a quiet, sleepy sigh sound behind me. I continued to deeply appreciate the situation I was in before my eyes shot open. Oh, no.

I felt my stomach turn as the intense feeling of nausea invades my body. I glanced at the clock on the nightstand, 2:37 am. Jesus Christ, not again. I felt myself about to gag causing me to wriggle out of Jays arms to sprint to her bathroom. "Oh, no, no, no, no, no." I groaned as I ran as if my pleading would make this go away. My feet made it on to the cold bathroom tile and my hand just managed to close the door before falling to my knees in front of the toilet. My ears are ringing as I emptied my stomach into the toilet while my head pounded. My throat burned and so did my nose. My shaking hand gripped the bathtub beside me as I willed my body to just get through this.

When I was done throwing my guts up I stayed in place over the toilet just in case I wasn't. I stared down at the contents in the bowl with a frown when something caught my attention. The red drip that had just fallen from my face. What the-? My fingers  lift to touch my nose and pull back so I could examine them. Yup, it's bleeding. Hmm.

Yanking some toilet paper to wipe my leaking nose, I spat in the toilet before tossing the paper in and closing the lid to flush it. I sat up against the bathtub as my head continued to pound with no mercy. It felt like it was going to explode. My head leaned back as I heard the door creak open, looking up to see Jay offering a water bottle down to me from the doorway. "Thank you." I quietly mumbled before chugging most of the water. I let out a small huff while I screwed the cap back in and set it on the floor next to me. "Are you okay?" Jay asked timidly above me. She shifted on her feet like she was nervous. I nodded my head silently. I didn't even have the energy to verbally lie to her. "Do you know why you've been throwing up?" She asked sheepishly again.

"Because I wanted to feel skinny." I snapped sarcastically back at her, feeling my stomach sink immediately after. "Sorry." She muttered, staring down at the carpet with a dejected look before reaching over to the counter to fish two ibuprofens out a bottle and offered them to me.

"I-I'm sorry. It just hurts. I'm sorry." I apologized popping the pills on my tongue and drinking the rest of the water after. A feeble attempt to stand was made, resulting in my knees wobbling and my hand gripping the tub in my efforts but no avail. My hiss in frustration was eased at a hand reaching down at me. I took it in mine and begin to stand with her assistance. "I gotcha." When I got to my feet my wobbly knees were still... well wobbly so I leaned against her for support. I felt her body heat radiating through the grey tank top she wore to sleep, along with her arms snaking around my waist and back to hold me tighter. Her warm hands running over my back. I stared down curiously at the small tattoo on her bicep through the mirror. Just a few centimeters above her elbow.

She was sixteen when she got it. And apparently was too drunk to remember getting it. It was a cute little sad cartoon ghost, whose name was BB. As Jay tells it, 'He's sad because his girlfriend didn't die with him like she said she would, so now he waits.' I'd ask her where the cutely sad story stemmed from. She'd always say she didn't know.

"I'd kiss you right now but I taste like stomach acid." I said quietly against her shoulder causing her to giggle and leave a kiss on my sweaty head. "Yeah, keep that to yourself. Are you hungry? I could make you some soup or something for your stomach."

I shook my head against her shoulder and turned towards the sink, grabbing my toothbrush and squeezing a good amount of toothpaste on it before bringing it up to my mouth. The noises of rapid brushing filled the bathroom. I looked up at the mirror to catch the sight of Jay leaning on the wall and staring at me worryingly, like I could break or something. "Stop looking at me like that." The words came out muffled and gargly from the minty foam in my mouth, urging me to bend over the sink to spit it out. "Like what?" She dryly responded with her eyes not moving an inch.

I filled my mouth with water and swishing it around then spitting it out, "Like I'm dying or some shit, I'm fine." I, in fact, am not fine. I feel this kind of deep settled fear buried in my stomach. If we're being honest, it feels like David's beating me all over again.

But will I lie about it to keep Jay from worrying over me? Yes.

Will I feel terrible about it? Absolutely.

"Billie, you've been throwing up for two days." Jay said in a concerning tone, bringing her arms up to cross them over her chest, showcasing BB in the process. "It's probably just a bug." I shrugged.

"But Billie,"

I flashed a smile of my pearly whites in the mirror before turning to her to cut her off. "Jordan Carillo, I.. am fine. Stop stressing." I added a small laugh to really sell it. She stared at me uncertain with her eyebrow quirked, with me smiling back. She finally rolled her eyes and cracked a smile at me. "Don't say my name like that, you sound like my mom." I let out a genuine giggle this time whilst wrapping my arms around her waist, pulling her warm body against mine. "I have to get used to using it since I will be taking it one day." I finished with a peck to her cheek with her snickering following soon after. "You're so corny."

"Are you blushing at the thought of us getting married?" I gasped dramatically and held her face in my hands, watching the pink tint spread. "No, I'm not. You're blind." Jay quickly stepped out of my grasp to grab my hand and practically drag me back to her room. "And you suck at lying."

I watched her collapse in her bed and reach her arms out, beckoning me with her fingers. Like how she did the first time she brought me here, after drinking at the park.

Setting in next to her, she immediately slid in between my legs and laid her head in my chest. "If I find out you're lying to make me feel better, I'm gonna kick your ass." She huffed out a laugh, the sound making my lips stretch into a grin. "Sounds hot." I countered.

"I love you, Billie. Happy birthday, baby." She sighed out against my skin before planting a kiss on my chest. I felt the infamous butterflies go wild in my stomach, like they did when I first seen her at that party. Stoned out of her mind on that couch.

"Thank you, Jay. I love you, too." My fingers ran through her soft, dark hair.

"Tell me what you want for your birthday."

"Some birthday head would be nice."

"You got it."

-

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