My Neighbour

fifty five

Riley

I've never felt more like death then I do right now. I don't even remember drinking.. let alone getting to this point you know?
As I walked over to my window.. I could see James working on his car, I wanted to go over and talk to him. I wanted to work on this, I wanted to rebuild what we had before this 
But at the same time I was scared you know? 
What if it happened again 

I walked around my room looking a bunch of photos. It's what I tend to do in my spare time 
James and I have a lot and each one just gives more and more reason to be with him again..

With James, there was never a moment that I could pinpoint that I fell in love with him, it was a slow and steady full until I was so overwhelmed by it all that it was second nature
God I miss being able to tell him I love him
I miss being able to call him mine
I miss being his

We were as insane as each other, we were polar opposites at the beginning of this but sure enough we became the perfect blend of each other
We might fight sometimes and I may lose my mind majority of the time but he's James.. I wouldn't want anyone else 

And it feel weird to say that, I've never been one for falling in love but I really did with James
He came into my life when I least expected it and I hoped he was here to stay

Whenever he did something wrong, was up to something. I would give him a look and he was offer a cheesy grin back, one he slowly learnt I couldn't stay mad at
The truth is, James brought out the best in me. He reminded me to do basic human things that I neglected like eating, drinking, sleeping

And I bring out the best in him
Reminding him he isn't invincible and sometimes he needs to be pushed down a few pegs to learn some consequences. I'm glad I was able to be the one to help him with that up until now

He helped me accomplish something I didn't have the courage to do on my own. He gave me that push I needed to realise I was good enough

But with that in mind, he was also the person to prove I wasn't good enough to be faithful to so it's a little bitter sweet you know?

In the time I haven't spoken to him, where I've kept my distance. I've learnt a lot about myself, about who I am and who I want to be and I can't help but think that James also played a big part in that. I don't think I would be the person I am today if I had never moved across the road from him. I mean even if I moved in a different house, there is no guarantee that James and I would have ever met
He was a big moment in my life 
I just can't quite wrap my head around that, that could be over with..

I bit my lip heading back over to the window to see him still working on his car
James and I, we aren't compatible. We never have been and probably never will be...

But. Why does that make me want this even more? It's like I want to prove that we can beat the odds, beat the stereotypes you know?
It's been a long time coming, I've sat here thinking day in and day out over the last what? Month? And I think I've finally made my choice
I think I've decided my fate with James 
And now it was time to tell him..

I took a deep breath in wiping the tears as I walked downstairs heading outside
Obviously it didn't take me long at all until I was across the road from James, I took another deep breath in closing my eyes before blurting it out
"I love you and I want this to work" I said loudly anticipating for James' reponse