Never Ending Thoughts

January 15, 2022

10:33 am

I havnt written anything since you came home. I havnt needed to because everything I always wanted to say I just told you. But this time is different. We've had many ups and downs but we've always got through them. Communication has always played a major part in our relationship and that's kept it strong. We both been going through so much and I know it's hard to try to support the other. I'm not gonna lie and say that I'm not still hurt about the situation with my mom bc I am. She was everything to me the most important person in my life. I know you didn't get to meet her and that's on me. I was really hoping that you would've been able to help me cope. But people handle things differently. I know we talked and you apologized. I know it wasnt on purpose. And I'm still trying to get over it. I love you. It's been a month since we broke up and every day has been so hard. I'm grieving 2 people now. Idk what happened but you really abandoned me. It's so heartbreaking because you promised you would never do that. I remember crying to you being afraid that you would up and leave and you said that would never happen but it did. Everyone's telling me you're hurt and sad and upset but I have no idea why. I wish you would've just talked to me and tell me what's going on. I would never do anything to purposely hurt you and whatever it is I wanna fix it. I understand you need space but this was handled wrong and we both know that. I told you I was crazy about you. Everything that I did was for me. Going to Jason's house, texting you from different numbers, going to your job. I needed to do that for me so I could say at least I tried. I also did it because I needed you to know I'm not playing around. I love you so much and I need you in my life.  I want you I crave you. You're my best friend my soulmate my twin flame. You're everything Chris. I've always been willing to do any and everything in my power for you. You've made me feel like such a queen that I wanna do everything for you. You healed my insecurities and weaknesses. I feel so strong when I'm around you. I look back at our pictures and videos and I miss us. I never imagined life without you. I know it's only been a month but it feels like forever. I don't want us to be over.....but if that's what you want or need then I'll respect it. All I want is for you to be happy. Hopefully it's with me...
I really hope we talk soon I miss you baby 💔