Hallucinations (rewriting post-physical publication)

Chapter 45 - What's My Purpose?

I've always wondered what my purpose is in life.

Now I know.

It's to live life to the fullest, which is what I've always tried to do, but haven't been able to until now.

And it feels amazing to be able to do so.

I have found my purpose in life.

You now know everything about me.

I've learned something.

People think depression is sadness. That it's crying and dressing in black. But people are wrong. Depression is the constant feeling of being numb. It's being numb to emotions, being numb to life. You wake up in the morning and just go back to bed again.

I've also learned this:

Depression is living in a body that fights to survive, with a mind that tries to die.

Alright, let's do this one last time:

On the outside; I was oblivious to the world around me. On the inside; I was oblivious to the world before me.

Why, do you ask, am I trapped in a never-ending cloak of oblivion?

Simple. The hallucinations.

They strike without warning. Their only goal? Feeding on my imperfect flesh.

They come without plans. Their only goal? Evoke terror in my ever-changing senses.

I am five feet, five inches tall. I have dark green eyes and blonde hair. The people who know me well would describe me as an annoying, but imaginative young woman.

My dear reader, please, take your final step into my world. Come with me, and I will show you everything that I know.

I now know you, and you, dear reader, have known me, since the beginning of 1918.

My name is Nina Jenay Montez, I am eighteen years old, and that, was my story.

That, dear reader, was why I wish I could have told you it would end well.

And look at us now: It has ended well.

The hallucinations are a part of my life.

Living is a part of my life.

Dying is a part of my life.

I suppose you still want to ask me how I found out about it.

Well, it's really quite simple.

I was born on June 8th, 1918.

I was in an accident called a hit and run performed by a former head doctor named Lisa Ellias who later attempted to kill me again.

I met a girl one year older than me named Kathleen Anna Churchill who also suffered from hallucinations and we became best friends before she passed away at age nineteen.

I fell in love with a boy named Conor Kieran Carter.

Lisa Ellias testified as guilty during our trial and I lived happily ever after, the end, and you may slam the book closed now.

Just kidding, we're not over yet.

Just give me a few more lines.

My life consisted of these three things:

Life.

Death.

And of course; the hallucinations.

Now is the time when you can slam the cover of the book shut over these words, and go cry in a corner because of how emotional my story was.

I hate myself for doing this to you all.

Once again; my name is Nina Jenay Montez.

You all know the last line of this book.

Say it with me: "When everything else fell away, only one truth remained".