LOST INTO THE VINE (BWWM)

CHAPTER 47

"Nal, what happened in Spain?" her friend asked. Nala looked away, shrugging, "just got my head almost blown by some racist asshole." Her friend raised a brow, "there are millions of racist assholes here in the States, you didn't run." Nala looked deep in thought, then turned to her friend, "good point." Falling backward, she lay flat on the bed, putting her hands behind her back, "I might have left Spain abruptly." "Ah, so you were running again," her friend remarked. Nala opened one eye and glared at her with it, then closed it again. "Doesn't matter, it was for the best anyway." Her friend hummed her response, "so you stayed in Spain, three more weeks than you would in the other destinations you've been to, but it doesn't matter, right? Gotcha!" Shocked, Nala raised and sat upright, her upper body completely facing her, "you knew about my travels?" It was true, in all destinations Nala had been to, she did not stay more than ten days, before moving to a different location, until Malaga, until Matteo, his daughter, and their whole family happened. Bree gave a small smile, "you're my soul sister, Nal, I had to make sure you're okay. I've followed your blog and always talked to Ads, to keep updated." "Brianna!" she cried, pulling the woman in for a hug, "I missed you so much." Wrapped in each other's arms, they both cried silently for the lost time, for the distance that had formed between them, for Matthew. She also cried for Matteo and what would have happened between them.

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Nala smiled at her mother-in-law, "yes, I'm sure. I need to do this." She was totally lying, and she knew Cassie could see through her bullshit. The older woman pulled her in, "say hi to him for me." She nodded, pulled away from the embrace, and walked out to the waiting vehicle where her best friend was.

"Ready?" she asked, she nodded, opening the door to the front seat and filling the empty seat. Bree gave her a meaningful once over, before she started driving, none of them speaking on the way. Nala sat quietly, her hands clenched, her long nails digging into her skin. She remembered the day she basically ceased to exist and the day she was no longer a mother. Her best friend touched her arm and she turned to look at her, through her clouded eyes, for the briefest moment, before looking back out of the window, "I'm fine, Bree." "Then you know we've been here for the last five minutes," her friend said. The words seemed to blow away her clouded thoughts and memories when she noticed they were by the cemetery. She nodded, unbuckling her seat belt and opening the door, filing out of the vehicle. She took the bouquet of flowers from the back seat, she'd specifically made the bouquet herself from Cassie's garden, even got pricked a few times by the thorns as she picked the flowers. Absently, she made her way through the graveyard until she was finally standing in front of his stone. Beloved father, son, grandson: Matthew Fort. Always will be the shujaa in our hearts.

Her legs suddenly weak, she sank to the ground, not caring whether the mud from the previous day's rain would dirty her jeans. Nala let herself cry, the deep heart-wrenching cry, knowing no one would hear her. Everything faded into the background as she envisioned the life she had with him, and the life they could have had together with their children. He'd wanted a big family. "I miss you so much!" she blurted out, her sobs coming out even faster as she clutched her middle. "I miss you so damn much, Matthew!" Her tears flowed as she spoke to herself, she'd moved herself to a sitting positing and was rocking herself back and forth, with her knees up to her chest. Eventually, she pulled out her phone and scrolled through the playlist she'd had for Matthew, and pressed play. As the songs strummed through the speaker, she talked to him, imagining him seated there, cross-legged as he liked to sit, looking at her, always listening to every detail she had to say. She talked to him about Matteo and his family. "I think I'm the one that got away?" she asked out loud then snorted when that exact Katy Perry song came on. She silently laughed, wiping her cheeks.

"You know how you always complained that Adele is not releasing more songs, I'm playing you the newest release," she skimmed through the playlist and found the song she was looking for, and pressed play. She sang along to the song, Easy on me, oddly enough she felt a calm wave flow through her as the song came to an end. "Matthew, give me a sign. Let me know that it is okay with you for me to be with someone else." Seeing the sun dimming behind the buildings, she pulled herself up, "I will always love you, Matthew." Taking one last glance at his grave, she walked away. Bree was waiting by the gate, a muffin in hand, "how are you feeling baby?" She smiled through her glassy eyes, "better." Invading her friend's personal space, she embraced her.

"It's okay, mama's got you," she said, pulling her into her embrace. "I love you, Bree," she muttered through the clothes, her friend laughed heartily, "I love you too, smalls. Now let's go get some pizza." Nala looked up at her, her face serious, "no pineapple toppings." Briana rolled her eyes, "fine."