Scared of The Silence

9

Ever since Meredith and Derek had sex for the first time after the attack, things were a lot Better for the both of them.

Derek always made sure that Meredith was okay with whatever they were doing. Whether it was hugging or actually having sex, he always asked her if she was okay and if she needed anything.

Derek was the perfect guy. No boyfriend was prepared for their significant other being raped, but Derek handled everything the right way. He made her feel safe, and that was the most important thing.

But Meredith still had a few nightmares a week, although her and Dr Wyatt were working though that. That was the most concerning thing that Meredith was dealing with.

"What do you dream about? Is it the same every night?" Dr Wyatt asked, her notebook open and pencil ready. "No. Sometimes....sometimes its Derek who's....raping me. Other times it's David." She replied, wringing her hands together nervously.

"Sometimes it's Derek?" The doctor asked. "Yeah. I know he'd never do that, but...." Meredith trailed off. "Do you trust him?" Dr Wyatt asked.

"Derek? Of course." Meredith answered. "Do you really trust him? Because based on our past conversations, we already talked about your trust issues." Dr Wyatt pressed.

"I.....sometimes?" Meredith said, ashamed of her own issues. "I'm thinking that's why Derek is in your dreams." Dr Wyatt said.

"But I know Derek would never hurt me." Meredith said, puzzled. "I know. But you can't control your dreams. I think you need to tell Derek about these. Talk it through with him." The older woman suggested.

"I can't tell him that I'm having dreams of him raping me." Meredith said, rolling her eyes. "I think it would help. Honestly is a big part in a relationship. It's important that both of you trust each other enough to share anything." Dr Wyatt explained.

"Okay." Meredith sighed. "Are you having nightmares every night?" She asked. "Probably 5 nights a week." Meredith admitted. 

"Okay. I'm going to prescribe you a sleeping pill. I cant force you to take it, but you need to be getting enough sleep. I know that's hard as a surgeon, but with your job it's even more important."

Meredith sighed. "You're the doctor." She said. "You and Derek are still being intimate?" Dr Wyatt asked. "Yeah." Meredith replied. "And that's going okay?"

"There was one time.....we were....in the middle of...you know, and I just....froze. Dereks face turned into Davids and I had a panic attack." Meredith admitted, her face turning red in shame and embarrassment .

"That's nothing to be ashamed of, Meredith. You have PTSD. You went through a very traumatic experience. How did Derek handle it?" Dr Wyatt questioned.

"He stopped immediately. He told me he was going to hold to help calm down my nervous system or whatever and it worked. Then we went to bed." Meredith replied.

"Good. That's exactly what he should have done. That's about all we have for todays session, but I have some homework for you; talk to Derek about your nightmares. He won't be mad or upset, I promise." Dr Wyatt said.

"Okay. Thank you." Meredith smiled, standing up and turning to the door. "You're going really great, Meredith. Don't let one small set back throw you off." Dr Wyatt said.

•••

"Hey. How was your appointment?" Derek asked as she opened the door to the house. "Good. I had to get sleeping pills, though." Meredith replied with a frown.

"That's okay. You need to sleep." Derek said with an encouraging smile. "I know." She sighed, wrapping her arms around his torso.

Ever since the attack, Meredith was really clingy to him. They both noticed, but it didn't bother Derek at all.

"I need to tell you something about my nightmares." She whispered against his chest. "What is it?" Derek asked, pulling away slightly and brushing the hair out of her face.

"Please don't be guilty or ashamed or whatever about this." Meredith said pleadingly. "I won't." He replied.

"In my dreams....sometimes it's you....forcing yourself onto me. Instead of David. And I don't know why. But I hate it. Dr Wyatt told me I had to tell you." Meredith explained, looking down at her feet.

Derek didn't know what to say to that. "Mer, you know I would never...." He started.

"I know. I know you wouldn't. I'm pissed at my....sub conscious for thinking you would." Meredith cut him off quickly.

"You can't control your dreams. I just want you to know that I would never do anything like that to hurt you. You know that, right?" Derek asked, titling her head gently up to create eye contact.

"I know. And I'm sorry for dreaming that. I hate it." Meredith admitted. "It's not your fault. I'm glad you told me." He said, kissing her forehead before guiding her head to his chest.

"Wanna have sex?" Meredith asked, perking up. "You sure?" Derek asked, an amused smile on his face at the change of direction the conversation was going.

"Yes." She replied, kissing him softly. "Mm okay." Derek moaned against her lips, lifting her up gently and placing her down on the counter.

"Remember, if anything's too much-"

"Yeah, yeah, I'll tell you. Now shut up and fuck me pease." Meredith interrupted, her hands roaming over his back muscles.

"Okay." Derek laughed as they fell into a moment of bliss.

COMMENT IDEAS

Hey guys!!! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and hope your doing well. If you have any suggestions for future chapters, feel free to drop them. Thanks for reading.