life in a commander's arms

25. Forever

Madeleine's POV
I wake up to a beeping heart monitor and people calling my name. When I fully open my eyes, Latté, Cream Puff, Princess and Knight were standing over me.

"AHH! HE'S ALIVE!" Princess shouts. She jumps on me and hugs me tightly.

Something didn't feel... right, though. "Where's Espresso..." I whisper. I look around. I was in a hospital bed with tubes sticking out of my arms, stomach and chest attached to different machines.

Everyone suddenly goes quiet. Latté slowly sits down in the chair beside my bed and released a shaky sigh. "Uhm... w-well..." she covered her face wiping tears, "When we saw you pass out, we called Pure Vanilla who came very quickly." she explained. Everyone looked away immediately. "When we got to the hospital he... he didn't make it..."

I feel my heart beat slow down. Even on the monitor the beeping slowed down. "W..." I look around, "What do you mean he... didn't make it?"

Latté shook her head. She carefully placed the necklace I gifted Espresso into my hands and frowned. "Espresso's soulstone was shattered completely, and Pure Vanilla couldn't find every shard." she sighed. She hugged herself and looked at the door, "By the time we got to the hospital, too, he already seemed to have lost too much blood. I swear, I tried donating some of mine but Pure Vanilla said it wouldn't work!"

"So... h-he's dead?" I ask. My hands felt shaky and unsteady. I start to feel myself laughing, which made everyone perk up and stare at me, "Th-this is a joke, right? H-He's not actually dead!" I laugh some more, suddenly louder and faster.

Knight stood up and stared at me, "Madeleine... we're being serious," he muttered, "Why would we joke about that?"

"He's not dead," I sit up feeling tears streaming down my face. There was no way he could be dead, no way at all. I look up at everyone realizing how bad I was shaking. "No..." I laugh until I started to cry. Cry HARD.

Latté stood and hugged me, "I'm sorry..." she whispered.

That's when I broke. I screamed loudly as Latté hugged me tight. I screamed and yelled and felt my throat sore as I did so.

Pure Vanilla walked in at stood in front of the door. I didn't care. I slowly wrapped my arms around Latté and cried in her arms.

That's all I could remember.

Then I ended up home.

By myself.

...

I laid in bed listening to the clock tick. My tears never stopped flowing knowing damn well that Espresso's funeral would be tomorrow, if not, soon.

I took my Espresso plush and curled up with it. I held my breath and let it out. And scream cried into the pillows and blankets holding my Espresso plush tight in my arms.

I tell myself that everything would be ok. I told myself he wasn't dead. I told myself to take deep breaths but nothing helped.

I look over at the nightstand and stare at the picture of me and Espresso's wedding picture. With a shaky hand, I reach out for it and pick it up slowly. I cry harder and hold the picture close to my chest.

The clock kept ticking and ticking and ticking. I decided that maybe counting the ticks would help me sleep. "One..." I whisper shakingly. Tick. "T-Two-" I broke down again.

I shoved my face in the pillows and covered my body with every blanket. I failed you, starlight, I think to myself. I failed you.... I'm sorry...

That night, I ended up crying until sunrise.

The next day rolled around and before I knew it I was getting ready for Espresso's funeral. I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't breathe at all, and I felt so so tired.

I tried to look my best, but I couldn't so I called the one sister who knew fashion best. I bring the phone up to my ear holding my breath not to cry. Then she answers, "Hello? Madeleine??" I hear.

I sniffle and sigh, "I..." I close my eyes and let my tears fall and my screams take over.

"Hey, take your time, it's ok!" I hear her soft voice say, "Do you want me to come over there? I would be more than happy to."

Slowly, I nod, "Mhm..." I whisper.

Princess sighed, "ok. I'm on my way," she whispered, "Hang on tight. You'll be ok."

I nod again and hang up the phone. I take my Espresso plush again and hug it tightly crying in the corner of the bedroom.

My... bedroom.

After a few minutes, Princess opens the door without hesitation and immediately calls out for me, "Madeleine! Madeleine?" she slowly entered my room and stared at me. She slowly frowned and crouched infront of me.

I reach my arms up and pull her down crying on her shoulder. She looked amazing, but I couldn't focus on it. She was wearing a sparkling black dress with a funeral hat the shades her eyes.

She tried to take my shoulders, but I didn't let her. I leaned back forward to continue to sob on Princess. "Let me help you get ready!" she smiled. "I'll be right back, ok?"

I slowly nod as she reaches down and placed my Espresso plush back in my arms. I hug it as Princess went behind me to brush my messy hair. "Did you get any sleep, last night?" she asked, I shook my head. I hear her sigh softly, "I'm so sorry about that... Latté told me she stayed up all night crying, too."

I wipe my tears even though they kept coming down. I stare at the blurry ground. "I-I'm really sorry, this was all my fault," Princess whispered. She sniffled and stopped combing my hair.

I turn around and hug her as she cried, "No, it's mine." I cry, "Don't blame yourself for my mistakes-"

"I was too late to call everyone. Knight s-saw his father on the security cameras a-and we didn't want to go alone so I-I gathered everyone b-but we weren't there quick enough and you were already out, I-"

"DON'T BLAME YOURSELF FOR MY MISTAKES!" I shout suddenly feeling slightly angry. My grip around Princess falls gentle as I shake my head, "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to shout..." I whisper.

Princess nodded, "It's ok. I understand." she smiled. She helped me stand and held my hand, "Let's make our way toward the funeral home... ok?"

I slowly nod my head, "W-Wait!" I say. I turn around and grab Espresso's necklace that Latté handed me in the hospital and my Espresso plush. I nod and turn back around, "Ok..." I whisper, "I think I'm ready, now."