*DISCLAIMER*
(THIS IS JUST FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING OR ANYONE OF THESE CHARACTERS IN THE MHA SERIES.)
*THIS CONTAINS*
Self harm/mention of suicide attempt
Flashbacks
Confession
Fluff
Smut
(I might right some smut stuff...
It was just like any other day of not give a shit for dabi as he was in his room laying on his bed trying to get some rest but he just couldn't get Keigo out of his head. Although he didn't mind it because the thought of Keigo was actually quite soothing.
Today was both a very sad but happy day for Keigo as it brought back memories of his old friend. Today had always been a special day for Keigo because he loved surprising Touya with a birthday present. Even if it was just a small present like a hug or telling Touya how much he meant to him. Touya had appreciated it and it was thought that mattered to Touya because his piece of shit dad never got him anything.
Keigo smiled as he remembered the first time he had ever got Touya an actual birthday present. It was an old metallic/black pocket watch that Keigo's great grandpa passed down to him.
The pocket watch
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Keigo's grandpa had told him that the watch was legendary and that he should only pass it down to someone really special to him, someone he really cared about, someone he truly loved, and that's exactly what Keigo did, he passed it down to Touya because well at the time he was in love with Touya and hell he still is ...........even though the man is dead.
Keigo's POV
It was a long and boring day at work so I decided to go home early and relax since I have night patrol tomorrow. It was around 5:30 - 6:00 when I got home. I was bored and tired so I decided to watch my fav show on Netflix and relax. I fell asleep on the couch again and didn't wake up untill around 9:30. There was nothing to do so I decided to wish Touya a happy birthday and go to bed. It was simple. It was not simple. I walked over to the kitchen counter, grabbed the tiny cake and candle, sat the cake down on the table, put the candle on the cake and lit it. I sat in the same position as I did the last time with my elbows resting on the table, my fingers intertwined and my forehead resting on my thumbs with my eyes closed as I focused and started pray in my mind that way I wouldn't break down so easily. But boy was I wrong. I took a deep breath and and started my prayer.
The prayer
Dear Touya, I know this isn't really a prayer and more like I'm just talking to myself but I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday and tell you that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not telling you that I was in love with you before you died ....I guess I was just scared that you would turn me down and it would ruin our friendship and that I would lose you so I tried to prevent that by not telling you .....but I lost you anyway and it still hurts me to think about you. Even though I think about you nonstop and ....it causes me pain and depression because I know you don't love me like I love you because ...of the person I am and I mean, I totally understand cause who would want somebody that constantly annoys people and talks a lot and is always so emotional and is such a crybaby and can't succeed or do anything right and always messes things up. Honestly I don't even know how I'm the #2 hero it really blows my mind cause if you really think about it I'm worthless, a waste of time and breath. So yeah ......you wouldn't want someone like me. You deserve so much more than me. You deserve something, not nothing.
End of prayer
⚠️Warning⚠️ blood, self harm, break down, and triggering⚠️ viewer discretion is advised ⚠️
I still had so much to say and apologize for, like not being good friend and a lot of other things but I just couldn't keep it together any longer. I burst out in tears much harder than I did last time, which I didn't even think was possible, but apparently it was. I keeped telling myself that I was worthless as the memories of getting raped almost everyday for several years by my own fucking father came flooding back. I ran up to my room still crying and locked myself in the bathroom. I was crying hysterically as I looked in the mirror and asked myself questions that I didn't even know the answers too.
"WHY AM I IN SO MUCH PAIN"
"WHY CAN'T I JUST LET GO"
"WHY DOESN'T ANYBODY LOVE ME"
"WHY CAN'T I DO ANYTHING RIGHT"
"WHY AM I SUCH A CRYBABY"
"WHY ME"
"WHY DID HE HAVE TO DO IT TO ME"
"WHY DID HE HAVE TO RAPE AND ABUSE ME"
"WHY DID I HAVE TO LOSE THE ONLY THING THAT ACTUALLY MADE ME HAPPY"
"WHY DID I HAVE TO LOSE THE ONLY THING I LOVED AND ACTUALLY CARED ABOUT"
"WHY DID HE HAVE TO GO"
"WHY DID I LOSE HIM"
"WHY DID HE LEAVE ME"
"WHY DID I HAVE TO LOSE TOUYA!!!!!"
"WHY AM I STILL HERE"
"WHY AM I STILL TRYING"
"WHY CAN'T I JUST BE HAPPY FOR ONCE IN MY MISERABLE FUCKING LIFE"
"WHY CANT I JUST HAVE TOUYA"
Once I was done screaming at myself In the mirror an imaginary voice on my head started answering my questions.
"Because you lost Touya"
"Cause maybe you don't want to or you can't"
"Because your an annoying, worthless, and selfish bastard and you know it"
"Because your like your dad"
"Because you let things get to you easily"
"Like I said cause your an annoying, worthless and selfish bastard"
"Because you were vulnerable"
"Because you're the only one he could get his hands on and because you were easy to trick and manipulate. You were vulnerable"
"Because you don't deserve happiness"
"Because your not capable of love, your like your dad"
"Because it was his fate"
"You lost him just like you lost your mother"
"Because that's just how life works"
"If you don't know why your still here, then give up"
"Stop trying"
"Because you don't deserve to be happy"
"Because Touya doesn't want you and you don't deserve him"
I'm guessing it was my consciousness that was answering my questions. But he was right about everything and maybe I should give up. And with that I opened my cabinet under the sink and took my bag of razors out and sat them on the sink, I opened up the bag and took out a razor. I stepped in my bath tub, closed the shower curtain and sat down. I started cutting lines on my wrist. I cut deep but not deep enough for it to kill me. I keeped cutting and cutting with the voice in my head encouraging me to keep going. I cut all the way from my wrist to my forearm on both arms but that wasn't enough. I needed more so I pulled up my shorts that were covered in blood and was about to start cutting on my thighs when I heard a sweet voice tell me to stop. It was a quite familiar voice, it was .......it was Touya!? But how, he's dead!? My thinking was interrupted when the voice spoke again saying
"Don't do it, stop it, don't kill yourself, please, just put the razor down and go to bed" I was a little scared and freaked out so I listened to the voice that sounded like Touya and stopped cutting. I got out of the tub and put the razor in the sink and cleaned up all the blood in the bathtub. My clothes were drenched with blood so I changed them and put the bloody clothes in my hamper, I washed the blood off my arms very quickly but carefully and then bandaged them up. I took a deep breath and laid down on my bed. I was still shook up but still fell asleep within an hour.
WOW just wow. Sorry that took me so long to write I was kinda dealing with a lot of things but I still got it finished. Please tell me if you enjoyed it I hope you did and if your have any requests or ideas please let me know thank you and I hope have a wonderful day. Bye bye 😘🥰☺️
