Memories | Dazai X Reader

Ten • Questions

"We'll fix this mess."

• • •

Then the next day, there's hope like any other. So is the next, and the day after that, too, has hope.

Asking Dazai if he remembers a key memory—your first date—has become normal because following Fukuzawa's instructions is also normal to do when advice like that is given by a professional. Dazai doesn't get frustrated when trying to remember anymore, but there's clear evidence that he's trying so, so hard to.

This morning, Dazai wakes up first, already out of bed and coming out of the bathroom as you lay down. He walks up to you, dressed in casual clothes. "What do you want from that cafe by the street?" he asks, looking down. "They have pastry and stuff, too, if you want that."

It's also become normal for Dazai to say things that you already know. You and Dazai would go to that shop often, so it isn't a surprise when Dazai tells you that they have pastry's.

And repeatedly telling him that you already know these things is something that simply does not happen.

It just feels wrong. Rude, actually. The last thing that Dazai needs is to be reminded of the fact that he doesn't remember simple things that were regular for you two before.

"Yeah, I'd like that," you whisper, eyes starting to clear up a little more after waking up not long ago. "I'll get whatever you take today, okay?"

He smiles at that before leaning down and pressing a kiss to your cheek. "I'll be back soon," he says, turning his back towards you and walking to the door.

That's another thing, though it shouldn't be much of a big deal, but he's always so...hesitant about kissing you on the lips. And he hasn't done it once.

Always glancing, never doing. Always asking, always turns somewhere else.

Like he feels like he's just a fraud that happens to be living in this body. That you might not want him because he's not the same—because he isn't the same Dazai that you grew to know, but rather the Dazai that you knew when you had first met.

Eventually, he comes back with your food, and you'd gotten out of bed and gotten dressed for the time he was gone. "I'm back," he announces, kicking the door shut with his foot even if he could've used his hand.

You follow him to the table. Usually, you would've eaten in bed, but since both of you actually got ready and took a shower, getting back into bed sounds like going back to step one again.

He pulls out the chair for you first before taking his own, and he separates the food even if they're the same thing.

"Mm," he hums, moving the cup of coffee away from his face as if he's about to say something. "I've been meaning to ask, don't we have classes or anything?"

Well—

"Yes, but no. It's complicated," you start, looking over at him. "I mean, Ranpo's a doctor at twenty-two, so, nothing really makes sense here. A lot of people don't go to college or university, and it's perfectly okay."

He nods his head, processing the information.

"Also..." you say, grabbing Dazai's attention again. "Your birthday is in two weeks, do you want anything in particular? A party? Anything?" Dazai looks up, as if he's thinking about what he wants.

Well, maybe to remember everything—

"Was I normally big on parties?" he questions, looking back down at you. "Not exactly, it was just us and Chuuya and Oda."

"That sounds nice then. I'd like that," he responds, taking one last sip of his drink. "Are you done?" he asks, getting up from his seat and gesturing a hand out. You hand him the cup and put the small bag that had some food in it inside the cup. "Thank you," you say.

"Of course, love," he responds, hoping to turn away to throw it out, but instead he freezes halfway. Putting a hand to his face he shuts his eyes. "Sorry— it just slipped out, I should've asked if it was okay—"

"Dazai," you call, approaching him even if he isn't too far. "It's more than okay, and you don't always have to ask for and if you can do things, okay?"

He puts his hand to his side again, facing towards you.

Again, glancing but never doing.

"Thank you, I'm just trying, but please tell me if I say or do something that you don't like," he says, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

Like a buildup to the chorus of a song, the rest of the day's go on.

Then again, they always go back to their first verse eventually.

A/N: I edited the Introduction chapter of this book for TW's. please take a look at it !