Memories | Dazai X Reader

Four • And If I Could Remember...

"My lips are cold"

• • •

Then he leans in, hesitant, almost. And on his side, everything just feels so slow. Maybe it is a little cute to see him be so shy when leaning in—

But then the realization that to him, this is your first time doing this?

It's not exactly the most fun thing in the entire world.

He knows what he's doing, but he just has no memory of doing it. It's soft, and the feeling is just as it used to be because technically, it's supposed to still feel the same, right? The small movement of his mouth even feels the exact same, and god it's so easy to just forget everything that has happened—that's happening.

It doesn't last very long though.

He pulls back, almost shocked with himself. "Sorry— I don't know why I thought that would be a good idea," he says, moving down and avoiding any eye contact. "It's okay, Dazai. Everything is going to be fine," you reassure him.

And well, who knows? Maybe a simple kiss was all that was needed for Dazai to remember.

Of course, that isn't how it necessarily works in all cases.

That's how the night ends, and eventually, the two of you fall asleep. Dazai ended up moving farther to the side because as hard as he's trying to make this normal, to make this seem right—

It's just so hard to do that when you're just incapable of remembering.

• • •

After a night of constantly waking up at random times just to check-in on Dazai, both of you wake up at around the same time. Dazai understood the plan of how all of you were going to be around him at the same time.

Or maybe not, he isn't too sure how it'll go—he hardly knows any of you, after all.

So when it gets a little darker outside—and the day was spent in the comfort of your home, explaining a few more things with Dazai and simply trying—you and Dazai decide it's time to meet with the others.

The familiar setting of Bar Lupin may help in the slightest. Not that all of this was just to solely make Dazai remember, but to understand the situation just enough to know that...it might not ever change back.

"So," Oda speaks, the first one to break the silence because he's just wonderful at doing that. "Oda, right?" Dazai asks, and Oda's head almost spins because he hasn't heard Dazai say his name like that in years—

"Yeah," he almost chokes, and Chuuya gives him a look that tells him that he should tell Dazai what he actually calls him. "You actually call me Odasaku," he clarifies.

Dazai hums in response, curiosity getting the best of him. "Why? Am I the only one who calls you that?" he questions, elbows on the table as he seems very intrigued to get his answer. "Just you," Oda tells him, smiling softly as he takes a sip from his drink.

"I'm held to great honour then!" Dazai exclaims, clapping his hands together only once.

Then time passes by just like that. Chuuya and Oda continue to talk to him as they usually did—but with lower mentions of conversations that started with 'remember when...'

One conversation lead to another, and Dazai was doing well with keeping up with everything.

Eventually, however, Oda had to leave because it was late and he had work in the morning. The man actually has a sleep schedule that he follows. Even if he occasionally wants to rip the nonexistent schedule and just do whatever.

So with leaving just you, Chuuya, and Dazai, things didn't get easier, but they didn't get any harder either.

"It's weird seeing you so nice to me," Chuuya tells him, chuckling a bit. "Was I not normally nice to you? That's shocking," Dazai asks, and it almost sounds like he's being sarcastic but he seriously has no idea.

"Yes," Chuuya replies.

"So do you want me to...be mean to you?" Dazai asks, raising an eyebrow because even if he can't say that it's the oddest request he's ever gotten, he still understands that not a lot of people exactly ask for that. "Yes," he replies, "wait— no."

Chuuya pinches the bridge of his nose, "I mean— not mean, exactly. We more like..." he stops himself for a moment. "God this is so awkward." Taking a breath to simply process everything happening, he continues, "It was like teasing, name-calling, stuff like that—" he finally manages to say.

"I see," Dazai acknowledges. "So I'm assuming you're..." he takes a moment to look down at his phone that's still turned off, staring down at it as if it'll spark some sort of memory. "...right, you're Slug, then? I was wondering who that was in my contacts," he laughs, and Chuuya has to bite back a smile.

Even if it's only been a day since Dazai lost his memories, it's nice to hear him say things like that after being in a coma for two weeks.

A/N: shorter chapter because yes. I'm wondering if I should just write the whole story in one go and then publish everyday, or write chapter by chapter and post when they're written. (finishing the whole book first will definitely take more time though).