Memories | Dazai X Reader

Five • ...I Would

Even if it's only been a day since Dazai lost his memories, it's nice to hear him say things like that after being in a coma for two weeks.

• • •

"We'll meet again, okay, Dazai?" Chuuya says, tossing one of his legs over his motorcycle. Dazai waves back slowly, watching Chuuya as he moves.

"You should take him on that thing one day," you tell Chuuya. He laughs a bit before putting on his helmet. Dazai looks over at you, "Did I normally go with him on that thing." He almost looks scared of it, and it's a bit funny since that's exactly how he'd normally react to that.

"No," you reply, also waving back at Chuuya as he takes his leave from the bar. "It was always just a thing that Oda and I would make you do."

"Oh," Dazai says, sounding nothing close to shocked. "Well, if I used to, I'm still willing to."

"It's fine," you say, chuckling a little, "let's go home now, too."

• • •

"Here," you state, handing Dazai a plate with some food in it. You go back to bring your own before sitting next to him. He looks at it as if he's inspecting it.

"What is it?" Dazai asks, almost as if the question came out before he could think it through. "I mean— it's looks good but...I can't tell what it is."

You almost laugh at his question. "It's canned crab, it was your favourite." Dazai makes an small 'o' with his mouth, finally figuring it out.

You took your preferred food that was in your plate and started eating once you saw Dazai start. It wasn't awkward, nothing about the silence was new and—

Seeing Dazai also as calm as he usually was during times like these is equally as nice. He'd get lost in his head sometimes, but it was never anything major, and whenever it was he'd try talking it out with you. Or he would simply try to get back to reality and start a conversation.

You and Dazai had a lot of ways to talk to each other, and you understood each other in ways no one else could. It was small gestures or signals that would be done to be able to find out if something was up with either one of you.

But with the Dazai now...

Is that wrong to say? Past Dazai and present Dazai? It really must be hard to act like everything is normal, especially if you are the person that just can't remember.

After the two of you finish eating and cleaning up together, you both get into your bed. He's less hesitant when moving around the house now, so he's gaining some sort of familiarity.

The thought of asking Dazai if he remembers your first date crosses your mind—following Fukuzawa's orders sometimes feel out of place—but before you get the chance to speak, Dazai is already the first one talking.

"[Y/N]," he calls, voice soft but still somehow almost ordering.

He waits for you to look back at him before he continues. Unlike yesterday, he isn't laying down with his head rested on your chest. Instead, he's sitting somewhat upright, upper back leaning on the headboard.

Once you look at him, resting in a similar position, he continues—

And it might've been the last thing you expected to hear.

"Why haven't you left me yet?"

Why haven't you left me yet?

What?

He's still staring back at you, and you glance down at him briefly, noticing how one of his hands is shaking. Before you answer, you put your hand in his, caressing it with your thumb as you normally did.

"Why do you think I'll leave?" you question back.

"I don't remember you— how does that not affect you?" his voice is soft again, and it almost sounds like he's going to break any second—

"Because I love you, Dazai," you reply, and it feels so good to say that after two weeks, to know that he can hear it. He shakes his head, "But I don't—" he starts, but you cut him off.

"Don't say it," you close your eyes, "I wouldn't leave you just because you don't remember me."

"What if I don't get better? What if it takes too long?" he asks, his throat feels like it's tightening and he hates it. But all his mind is telling him is that it feels so fucking good to just let it all out. He doesn't know how long he's been bottling things up, but god, right now he feels fantastic just saying everything that's on his mind.

"I'll still be here," you tell him, and it's hard not to imagine things, because—

What if Dazai falls in love with someone else—?

"Fuck, [Y/N]— I want to remember you so bad, I know it hasn't been long but I feel like I can't keep sitting here when you look at me so lovingly!" A choked sob comes out of his chest, "I want to fall in love with you again, I want to give you something back—"

"Dazai, you being here is enough," you say, because it truly is. The accident could have killed him, and this is better than almost any other possibility. "And until something happens...I'll remember for both of us, okay?"

He settles down a bit.

The two of you slide down the bed a little and get more comfortable. He's closer again, he doesn't touch you but he's close enough.

"We'll talk about this again later, okay?" you say, pressing a kiss to the hand you were previously holding. He nods his head in response, letting go of your hand even though he has the urge to do the same thing you did to him.

It's still doesn't feel right.

He doesn't know how long any of this will take, but—

He'll do his best to try.

A/N: so I was thinking about this book throughout the time I hadn't published and realized that this book probably isn't going to be anywhere near as long as Chances.