The 2022 Humorous Nonsense Awards Ceremony

Arriving to the Ceremony

*opens the dark, intimidating door to reveal a giant and empty auditorium*

Welcome, my dear friend! Come inside, come inside! It's quite cold and hot outside and I wouldn't want you to die of a heat stroke or catch a cold! I'm not that horrible of a human and I hope you don't paint me as one. *laughs*

Oh, where are my manners? Please, take off your shoes/heels and I'll put away your coat/hat in a safe place where they won't get stolen or gnawed on by any of my friends friends. *takes their stuff and locks it in a nearby safe*

So, you're probably wondering "where is everyone"? Well, that's funny actually. *laughs a little and pushes my loose pieces of hair behind my ears* The ceremony starts in about 15 minutes and I told everyone to show up in fancy limos about 5-10 minutes before the ceremony starts. I've been here since 12.

*long pause*

A.M. It's now 11:47 P.M. *smiling* I haven't slept in 48 hours. *smile starts to disappear* I wanted this morning to be perfect. *places hands on hips* I haven't eaten either. Wait, scratch that; I stole a golden blueberry off of Estrial's award even though I hate blueberries. *slowly looks to the guest* Don't tell him I did that though—

Anyway; everything is perfect! Everyone has their own reserved seats in the front row and I have snack bars of everyone's favorite foods and sweets set up. *whispers* I made all the food myself. I worked really hard. I nearly burnt my kitchen down, but it was all worth it. Even if I would have burned the house down, I could've just copy and pasted a new one nearby. It would've been okay.

I've already checked the sound system and all of the microphones are working great. I prepared the playlist and I set up the slideshow for all the pictures I found on the terrifying internet and I put all the gay flags up and lined them across the back of the stage.

I did that so that when someone comes up to give their speech, they have a beautiful background of gayness to make their own gayness shine brighter. Brilliant, right? I know, I'm a genius. *tries to hair flip, but forgets that my hair is pulled up to look nice for the ceremony*

*awkward laugh* You saw nothing. *quickly puts on shades and begins to walk down the aisle*

So, how did I do? Does everything look okay? Is anything out of place? Do you like it?

Personally, I think I did quite well. I think once everyone arrives, they'll all be like "omg Millie, you've outdone yourself and this place is really fucking cool as fuck and I wanna live here forever and ever until I die and then April has to hold my funeral here". You think they'll be like that? I think they will. They love me too much to call my hard work shit. *pause* Or at least I think they do....

But now is not the time to let my anxiety step in and ruin tonight because everything is perfect and I refuse to let my anxiety tell me the opposite! *terror crosses my features* Oh my gosh, is everything perfect? Did I forget anything? Is everyone going to hate it? What if I go to give an award and I trip, fall, and accidentally break it or throw it at someone? Or what if I open the card to read the winner's name and I say the wrong name? Or—or—

*realization sets in*

Screw you anxiety! Screw you, you fucking bitch whore! *clears throat* I sincerely apologize for my little outburst. I live with a scarecrow, ghosts, a crow, a demon goat, a squirrel, and a human; they cause me to have daily outburst. It's very embarrassing and I'm so sorry. It wont happen again because this night is perfect. It is absolutely perfect.

Oh, one more question before my friends start to arrive! Do I look fine? *does a graceful spin* I got this dress last minute from some cemetery. It was laying on a headstone and it caught my attention. It was too beautiful, and just as black as my soul, that I knew I had to have it. And Lila did my hair. She even put flowers in it. Isn't it pretty? And Johnny did my makeup. I was surprised to discover that he's a genius when it comes to makeup. And he's extremely talented. Who knew?

But for once in my life, I actually feel pretty, so I hope I look good. I'm hosting this damn thing and my mindset was: look hot as hell or look like my average self, so I went big instead of going home. Hmph.

No heels though. Those things are a pain in the ass and besides, I've always wanted black knee high boots that have laces all the way up the front and I thought this was the perfect opportunity to get a pair and rock them. I honestly probably look like a witch to you and everyone else, but I feel like Tiffany Valentine —which is a good thing—, so life is good.

*horn honks out front* *smiles in delight* Someone's here! I'm assuming it's Johnny, Daveed, Travis, Lila, Dallas, Baby, Robbie, and Elliot. Those are my friends if you're curious. They're only a small portion of the guest list. Would you like to go watch their arrival? Let's go.

*teleports us outside* *a dolphin rolls the red carpet out as the car door opens and Elliot gets out first* *the others —except Dallas because he has to park the limo— quickly follow along* *another limo pulls up and starts laying on the horn*

That's probably Jimmy, Estrial's friend. I heard he has some road rage. Oh, and Jimmy is a demon, so I suggest you sit far from him unless you're up for the idea of potentially getting murdered. He has two sides and you knew know which one he's rockin'. *thumbs up*

*limos begin to pile up* Okay, well we better get back inside before someone —like Jimmy— gets road rage and beats someone with a shovel! I'm not exaggerating either; I've seen April (I think it was April. Or Clara...One of them.) beat someone with a shovel before! *laughs*

*pushes the guest inside* Well, you go find your seat and I'm going to go behind the curtain and do some breathing exercises and possibly cry to prepare myself for the ceremony that's starting in a few minutes! *emotionally unstable smile* *eye twitches*

I'll see you in the crowd!