Cynter of Attention

Silence

Cyn

The past few weeks were excruciating for us all, no one got any sleep and I had called my mom so she could watch the babies since Lisa insisted on visiting Lau with the rest of us. It had seemed Lau was getting worse, almost every day he would have an seizing episode that was worse than the day before no matter what the doctors tried it wasn't working. We were all stressed and exhausted but no one looked as bad as Larry. After he heard the news about his brother, he changed completely. He barely spoke, soon dropping speech all together, he cut back majorly on sleep and food which caused him to look ill, and whenever he was home he would lock himself in the spare bedroom down the hall from the nursery. I couldn't bare to see him like he was, it was scary to see him so detached from the world, depressed, and isolated. One night, returning home from yet another long day at the hospital, I made dinner for him and walked down the hallway to the spare room, realizing the door was cracked. I pushed the door open and I spot Larry sitting on the ledge of the window looking blankly out the closed glass.

"Hey I brought you something to eat." I sat still, his gaze remained out the window. I placed the trey on the table and walked towards him, touching his arm. He flinched vigorously and slowly retracted his hand however I reached for it again.

"Larry please, I know that this is hard for you, but you're not alone. I'm here for you, I wish you would talk to me."

"I'm..... Okii." He mumbled so lightly I barely could hear him.

"No, you're not, you barely have an appetite, you haven't slept in days, you've become mute and you lock yourself in this room. You're not ok babe." I could tell he returned to his shell shutting down any verbal communication he had just given me. His wasn't going to be easy, snapping him back to where he once was but in all honesty I don't think he was going to be able to return to the normal him, it was sad to say but he was too far gone. My heart was broken, I didn't know what to do but cry.

"Larry....."

"Im fine, Cyn please no worry." He turned, tears flooding his eyes and gave a fake smile. Larry was in complete shut down mode, even his fake grins we're depressing to look at.

"Why are you shutting me out I'm only trying to help you and-"

"I no deserve it." His words shocked me, how could he say he didn't deserve anyone's help?

"You do deserve it, this isn't your fault so stop blaming yourself, everyone deserves to have comfort." slipped into his silent phase prying his eyes from my gaze and looked back out the window. Talking to him was no use, he wasn't budging. Blaming himself wasn't the answer. I decided to let him be, to eat and sleep and try to free his mind of this devastating weight that he insisted carrying on his own. I give him a kiss his cheek and head back down into the living room to grab my keys. To go to the hospital to check up on Lau......

•••

The hissing and beeping of the monitors saddened me as I observe an unconscious Lau struggling to breathe with the oxygen mask over his face.

"Why is he struggling to breathe so much, can't you help him?" I ask the doctor through my tears. She nods and adjust the ask, although it was better, he was still struggling. I scan the room for Elle and went I didn't see her I immediately rise from the seat and leave the room to search for her. I didn't have to go far because she was standing outside the door with Lisa.

"Why aren't you in there Lau....."

"I know but it's hard to go in there, I don't know how you do it, Cyn."

"Because he almost died in my arms, nothing is worse than what I went through that day.."

"How Larry, is he talking again?" Elle asked, removing the years that ran down her cheeks.

"Just barley. He won't even look at me, what do I do?"

"Give him more time he's just going through, he doesn't know how to adjust to this yet. Hang in there-" Lisa stopped in mid sentence as we all heard the door to Lau's room click open. My mouth dropped as Lau stood weakly, leaning on the door to support himself. He was wheezing again, desperately trying to fight for breath. We all tried to assist him but he had stepped back as if we were a contagious disease. He looked towards Elle and exhale deeply.

"Get....... Me.......... Out........... I wanna see............. My........... Brother."

"Lau, you can't, you-"

"Get me out!!" He yelled quickly faltering into a nasty cough that made him slide to his knees. We helped him back to the bed and I whip around to get some water when Lau grabs my arm.

"Cyn."

"Yes?"

"Call Larry."

"Why, why can't you just talk to him tomorrow?"

"I no think I can make it till tomorrow........"

"No, no don't you say that you're going to be fine ok, Lau don't say things like that!" Elle's words were drowning in Lisa and I's crying. This was extremely too much to bare. They say when a person is ready to leave this world they accept it but Lau was stronger than this, so why was he giving up so easily to this?

"I just wanna hear him one last time, so I say I love him...."

"No, you can tell him tomorrow, everything is ok, you'll be fine." Lisa assured, taking his left hand. Elle gripped his right hand as I held him in my arms. He head settled on my chest as he huffed for air,

"I'm in so much pain, I no keep live like this, I can't even dance no more." He wheezed, his voice breaking everyone of our hearts.

"Yes you will Lau we promise, just hang in there please...... You're stronger than this, you are so strong. Don't give up, not now." Lau tried speaking but nothing came out, he was slowly losing consciousness and Elle called out for a doctor. We all sat still attached to him as we cried, our sobs overlapping each other clinging to the body we all cared so much for. We all thought this was serious but never did we think that Lau wouldn't make it out of this, it was heartbreaking to see him let go, because if even though he was, the rest of us couldn't bare to live without him.........