Why Are We Afraid?

[Two]

I hold on to Soobin's jacket as I walk down the hallways searching for him.

"Who ya looking for?" Kai speaks approaching me. I hold up the dark red jacket, "Soobin gave me his jacket yesterday".

He raises his brows, "what!?" He exclaims.

I laugh a bit, "not like that" I mumble. He smiles, "I'm going to head to class early so I can talk to our teacher" he nods.

I nod and he walks off.

I turn my head seeing Soobin walking, a hood on his head, his head down and hands in his pocket.

I follow after him, until he reaches the rooftop.

"Soo-" I stop once I see him sobbing into his hands.

I furrow my brows watching, he runs his hands through his hair moving his hood off his head.

Should I..say something?

In an instant, he takes off his book bag throwing it to the ground.

I rest my back against the wall taking a deep breath preparing myself to talk to him.

How can I give him words of encouragement and I have none for myself?

Gripping the hoodie in my nervous hands, I step from behind the wall.

"Soobin!"

My heart drops when I see him standing by the edge of the building.

He turns looking at me, his eyes red and face tear stained.

"Hey, hey! Come down" I nod slowly.

He shakes his head, "just walk away" he shouts.

"Please" he sobs.

I slowly take off my bag and sit his jacket on top of it, "I've been here before" I nod.

"Trust me, I know how it is".

He shakes his head as tears continue to run down his red face, "I stood right there" I point.

He looks down at his feet, "come down, Soobin" I inch toward him.

"I can't" he mumbles looking behind him at the ground.

In that moment, as his foot leaves the edge, I rush and grab his hand.

I pull him down, stumbling back causing him to fall to the ground beside me.

I let out a small breath checking my arm, which is bleeding.

I glance over at Soobin, "why didn't you jump? Because your strong?" He mumbles.

I shake my head, "because I was afraid".

//

It's been a week since I stopped Soobin from committing suicide.

I haven't seen him in school for the past two days.

I prepare to sneak out of my house to go meet Kai.

Peaking into the living room, I see my father asleep on the couch.

A smile grows on my face and I rush grabbing my jacket off the hook, I put it on and swing the door open quietly.

"Oh" I widen my eyes surprised at the sight of Soobin standing on my porch looking as if he was about to ring the doorbell.

"Yeoni" I hear my fathers voice. I step out closing the door ever so gently behind me.

I look up at Soobin waiting for him to speak, "I..." he stammers.

I force a smile, "I wanted to thank you for....saving me that day" he nods.

"Yeah, of course" I respond stepping off my porch with him behind me, "but, why were you up there?"

He stays silent looking down at his hands as they nervously tug on his sleeves.

"Why were you?"

"To give you your jacket, and it's a good thing I was because-" "I mean, before. You said you stood where I stood. Why were you up there?" He cuts me off.

I, then, look down at my feet kicking the rocks and dirt on the ground, trying my best to escape this question.

Clearing my throat, I look up at him forcing a smile "I'm going to hang out with my friend, would you wanna come?".

He responds with his brows slightly furrowed and his eyes darting around nervously.

"If you don't want to..it's fine" I shrug. He looks over at his house biting down on his lip, which is probably common due to the small swelling and redness on his bottom lip.

He turns back to me, "o..okay" he shrugs.

I nod, "cool, let's go" I speak.

//

Soobin and I arrive at Kai's house, I ring the doorbell and wait because I'm so used to him taking forever.

Soon enough, he swings the door open "Ni!" He exclaims with a smile pulling me into a hug.

I hug him back then we part, "this is...Soobin" I raise my brows hoping he'd remember who Soobin is.

He looks at Soobin for a moment, "oh right! Soobin, hey man" he holds out his hand.

Soobin nods and shakes his hand, "let's get inside" Kai nods.

After settling down with drinks and snacks, we all watch the tv in silence.

"So, Soobin, where did you transfer from?" Kai speaks up.

Soobin looks at him, his brows slightly high, maybe he's taken back by the sudden question.

"Oh, uh, well..." Soobin pauses, "it's okay, we're all friends here" Kai tries to comfort him.

I smile and nod as Soobin looks at me, "I went to a school out of town a few years ago but recently, I've been homeschooled" he finally answers.

"Why'd you get homeschooled?" I shrug. He looks away at the question and slowly shakes his head, indicating he doesn't want to talk about it.

"Cool, it's fine. We don't have to talk about you, if you don't want to" I nod.

Kai agrees with me, "let's just enjoy ourselves" Kai smiles.

Soobin just nods.

//

Soobin and I walk side by side going home, "sorry if Kai and I made you uncomfortable back there" I speak.

He glances at me, "it's not that" he shrugs, "I just, didn't want to talk about it".

I nod understandingly, "that's fine. We only recently meant each other. Maybe one day you'll tell us" I shrug.

We reach his house first, "I'll see you at school?" I question.

He nods, "yeah, see you, Yeoni" he waves goodbye.

I wave back then continue to my house, I take a breath walking inside.

As soon as I enter, I'm greeted by no other than my father.

"Oh, hi, dad" I mumble tugging on my jacket nervously.

He grabs my shoulder, "where were you?" He quirks a brow.

I gulp down almost choking on my spit in the process, "I..I..went to Kai's house" I stammer.

He lets out a sarcastic laugh letting go of my shoulder.

I watch him raise his hand then bring it down, slapping me to the ground.

"I called your name before you left!" He shouts, "I expect you to answer, yeah?" 

I stay silent whimpering in pain, "I said yeah?" He pulls me up.

I nod as tears stream down my face, "yes".

"If you leave again, without telling me where you are..I won't be nice" he pushes me back causing my back to hit the door.

/ to be continued \