Peter Pan: Back to Never-land (A queer re imagining)

Ace:

Things have been extremely chaotic in the last 48 hours since Peter got injured by one of Hook's crew mates. I feel like I've been arguing with Jordan non stop. He maintains that I deserve better than Peter.. better? Than Peter Pan? What kind of lost boy doesn't like Peter Pan. I'm kidding of course! Peter's not perfect, none of us are but we are feeling the weight of missing his leadership.

The house is chaos.
Boys fighting, dishes in the sink, crying little ones. Especially little Addy.

Which brings me to this morning when I woke up to the poor little darling standing in my doorway in a flood of tears and having clearly had an accident.
"Hey, it's okay Ads." I hop out of bed straight away. "Accidents happen, let's go get you cleaned up okay?"
When he doesn't respond I kneel down beside him and take one of his little hands in mine.
"If we do that, I'll take you to see Peter afterwards or whenever he's awake?" I say. Tink and Artemis have been real funny about having Addy in the room with just Peter.
Addy nods, still not looking at me.
"I'm sorry Ace." He mutters under his breath as I follow him back to his room.
"Nothing to be sorry about." I tell him. So I've never actually helped a kid who'd had an accident, that was were Peter the nurse came in. It made sense that that was what he did out in the world, he was always looking after people, he knew how to make them feel better. It was a gift.
I go to Addy's draws and get some dry clothes, on my way back I grab a plastic bag and wet some cloths. I go to help Addy with his clothes but he pulls back.
"I... I'll do it." But he's shaky and only removes his bottom half. Then he freezes and starts crying. I'm immediately helping him get into dry pants and then kneeling down to his level.
"I know you are used to Peter helping you and I don't expect you to feel comfortable with me right away, but we have to try." I say to him gently.
"It's not that... I.. uh.. hurt myself." He sobs.
Surely not in the way I'm thinking, he's five Ace! He probably fell over or something.
"We all fall and hurt ourselves all the time, it's nothing to be.." a lump catches in my throat catches when Addy takes his pj top off. That's a self inflicted cut to his wrist.. how does he even know to do that? Thankfully he hasn't cut deep enough to cause damage.. but still this is so bad. While I'm stuck on how someone so young could feel that much pain, Addy bursts into hysterical tears. I help him into his shirt the best I can and scoop him up into my arms, I think about what I would have wanted at my worst time, but also what an unsettled child would want. So I rub little circles into his back and rock him back and forth. That calms him down enough for me to attend to the cut.
"I'm so sorry Ace, I.. I didn't want to die. I was just feeling all this pain and I couldn't think of another way to stop it..." Addy sobs and winces as I disinfect the cut and bandage it. I fight my own tears because I of all people know how that feels. I take a deep breath and take his hands in mine. He looks up at me with these sadness and shame that not should not be in the eyes of someone so young.
"Don't you ever apologise for feeling pain. But Addy, if you EVER feel like that again you come straight to me okay?" I say firmly. He nods and once he's all bandaged up I pull him into a tight hug. "The world is harder for people like us but I promise you it gets better, okay." I add. Addy sort of half nods.
"People like us?" He says, confusion coming over his little face. I roll my sleeve up and show him my scar.
"People who feel everything." I say.
He gasps, maybe too much for a five year old? Probably. I hastily pull down my sleeve incase I've spooked the poor kid.
But he pats my shoulder.
"I'm so sorry, Ace." He says.
"I'm okay now kiddo, I promise." I say to cover the tears I can feel building behind my own eyes. He nods and hugs me tightly.
"Are YOU okay?" I ask him. "Do you want to talk?" I add. Remembering how people always asked me that when I was in a bad spot, and it felt like they were leaving spaces for me to do so, it took a long time but I did start filling those spaces.
"It's stupid." Addy says as I carry him back to my room. I make sure he's comfortable under the covers and then I say.
"It's never stupid, sometimes a little thing can push us over the edge after a long time of struggling, we sometimes don't even realise."
Addy turns to face me. The little frown on his face slowly fading. But the tears follow and i stroke the side of his face till he calms down.
I swear I can feel my heart breaking.
"I thought, Peter was going to die." He says. "I didn't think I could keep going if he wasn't here.. but Ace?" He says with a yawn. Are Addy and I just the same person.. at different stages in life?
"Yeah Ads?" I say.
"You have been keeping me here." He says then falls asleep pretty much straight away. I feel a pang in my chest, like I can feel everything little Addy is going through like a distant memory. I barely make it outside the door before I'm in tears. I slump against my closed bedroom door and let it all out.
"Oh Ace, man. What happened?" A familiar voice comes out of nowhere. A voice of a friend I didn't realise I had missed confiding in so much. I don't say anything I pull Miles into a hug so he sort of falls down beside me. He pats my back like he used to do.
"Whatever it is, Ace. It's going to get better okay?" Miles says softly. I nod into his shoulder. "And when you're up to it of course, Peter is in a better way and has been asking for you." Miles adds. I take a few deep breaths and Miles hums the theme from Full House under his breath because yes for some reason that is the tune that brings me out the other side of a meltdown, and I love how Miles still remembers that, despite his time away from Never-land.

"Will you stay with Addy for me?" I say as we get up from the floor. Miles nods, knowingly.
"Of course, I had a feeling Peter's little shadow wouldn't be doing too well." He frowns. "I freaking told Artemis that Addy needed to be with Peter." Miles' shoulders tense as he gets frustrated.
"He does, more than you could imagine. Bring him over when he wakes up, I'll deal with Artemis." I say sternly. Miles' frown cracks into that smile that belongs on his face.
"Alright Ace, you bad ass." He gives me a pat on the shoulder and goes into my room.