The Gisborne Chronicles

CHR2/CH3- Forgiveness, and Love Renewed

He listened at the door and knew that she was sleeping, as all was silent within. He went to the little ones first, as he always did, though they were never aware of his presence. He kissed his forefinger and placed it at Beatrice's forehead, before going to his girl Abigail. She was indeed made in his likeness, and though he would deny it to all who would suggest it, he favoured her in his heart, this child so nearly lost as she entered the world, and who was all the more precious because of it.

Auriel did not wake as he lowered himself to his habitual place and put his hand next to her face. In the moonlight shining through the window, he could plainly see that she was not sleeping easy. She inhabited his side of the bed as she slept, and she was, as her Aunt had claimed, wearing his unwashed nightshirt.

"My God,"he thought, "she looks like child, how could I not see how  slender she has become, she is lost in its folds." Her auburn hair had spread over the pillow, partially covering her cheek as she turned first away from him and then back again.

He had practiced the words, but they would not come, but it seemed of little account as he leaned in to whisper, "I believe you have my nightshirt sweet lady, it is a cold night, but I see you have warmed it for me."

As he kissed her gently, her tears flowed and he tasted them on her lips. "Is it you?" she sobbed, reaching out to him in the darkness, "are you come back to me, or does God torture me yet again whilst I sleep? if I open my eyes will he take you from me ?

"It is me," he said, "here on my knees as you were to me, a lifetime ago it seems now. How has it come to this, and how can we mend it?"

"I shall return your warm nightshirt to you," she said, sitting up as she spoke. " it is a small step, one we can build upon, but you must turn away, for this is not a time for passion I think."

"I will find my nightgown amongst these tangled linens, and then we shall lie together, and speak gently of what we have almost lost, if you agree."

"I would sleep in the warmth of this bed once more," he said, "shall you turn away from me also, as I undress?"

"I will," she said.

It was but a moment later as he climbed in beside her, and a mite strange to find himself on the side away from the door, where he had always lain to protect her. They lay in silence for a while, each waiting for the other to speak, or cross the small distance between them in some way.

"You are shivering," she said, " move closer and share my warmth if you wish."

Then, when he did not move she said, "I will beg if that is what you wish, for my need of your love has stripped me of my pride, and I cannot find the words to express my regret for what I have done. I do not ask for,  or expect your love, merely your continuing presence in my life, and the lives of our children. I would keep you by me forever, even if I no longer have your heart."

"I cannot leave you," he said, "you are part of me, and that has not changed, yet we are both altered by this estrangement, and we have to find our way back."

Then we must give it our all," she said, " for I will not give you up easily, I feel the loss of you with every breath I take!" Then she started to weep quietly, "I feel the loss of you now, yet you are lying beside me."

"Do you love me?" he said.

"Dear God! That you should ever need to ask!" she sobbed, "from the first sight of you, I knew you were for me, do you think a love like that can just shrivel and die? You have yet to declare your love for me! Is this to be my punishment? For I will bear it if you will just stay by me!"

"You dare to demand this of me again! he cried, " have you not tortured me enough! Do your eyes not see what I have become outside the warmth of your love, I tremble beside you woman, not from the cold, but for want of your loving embrace!"