Miss Grande

Chapter 62: Please Don't Say Anything Yet

Disclaimer: this chapter is for people on team wheels only. anybody on team doors better skip this. stay wrong and confused.

Ariana's POV

I didn't know how to start this conversation with y/n. How was I supposed to explain that he was only a distraction to keep me from thinking about her? All of the growth that I convinced myself I had achieved would be thrown down the drain.

Maybe I was a shitty person.

How was I supposed to deal with that? How was I supposed to move forward from this? How could I fix this when I didn't think I deserved to be happy with her anymore?

   I couldn't look at her without it breaking my heart.

   I couldn't find the words to express any of what I was feeling, so I didn't try. I let her leave and didn't respond when she messaged me later that night. I didn't even check the message.

   I spent my weekend in bed. My thoughts were so loud; I couldn't bring myself to ignore them. I didn't eat or drink anything, barely moving at all.

Monday came, and I did my best to pull myself together. My job was important to me. Still, the ache never dulled.

Y/n came in for my class with lunch, and I sent her as far away from me as I could manage without loaning her out to another teacher. Even when we weren't talking, she was still looking out for me. It was the only food I'd had in a few days and I could barely bring myself to eat it, especially with her there.

   Every time I looked at her, all I saw was her being happy with someone else.

   I wasn't sure how I had forced these delusions onto myself. She was still my girlfriend, but it felt like everything falling apart was inevitable. Like this was what was always going to happen from the beginning.

It was destroying me.

This was what I had been fighting against since day 1, pushing myself away from the trouble this would have brought me. I set a trap for myself, and now I had gotten tangled in my own net.

   I asked her to leave during her free period, saying I had 'teacher things' I needed to deal with. I just sat and picked at the food she had brought while I overthought everything. I tried to be professional at practice, but I'm sure I still came off wrong because I didn't see her at all the next day.

I was driving myself insane. All of this was under my control, and I was doing nothing.

   As the one who had caused the problem, I needed to get over my insecurity and fix the problem. It was my fault we were stuck like this. I needed to be honest about what had happened.

   I texted Y/n to come over and paced around my house aimlessly, waiting for a response.

   She told me she couldn't come over because she was expecting a friend but immediately sent me an address. I pulled it up on maps and assumed it was her house. I gathered my keys and drove over.

   I realized I hadn't planned out what I was going to say and how badly this could end for me. I ignored all of my thoughts and made my way to her door.

   I didn't know if I was meant to knock or ring the doorbell, but Y/n opened the door by the time I stepped onto the front porch. We went inside and she led me up to her room.

She sat on her bed, and I lingered near her desk. I took in her room and the way it reflected her. It was clear I was putting off getting to the topic at hand.

"Are you going to just look at my stuff?"

Her tone was teasing, but I felt a little guilty.

"I don't know how to ease into it."