𝐌𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐌𝐚𝐝𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬

8 | Like an Artist With a Blank Canvas

TOM

Admittedly it took me about five minutes of sitting idle in my car staring at my hands on the steering wheel before I started the drive home. I was completely shocked to my core about what had just happened and could barely comprehend what to do next.

Y/N's new house was about twenty five minutes from our old house this late at night, but the silent drive through city lights and empty road made for an awfully bleak existential crisis. That was an over exaggeration I'm sorry.

But seriously, you know when you're driving alone at night, and it just hits differently? Especially when the women you loved that you haven't seen in almost a year, just used you for sex. Great feeling.

Do I go on Tinder and find some other girl to clear my head? Will filling the void in my chest with a temporary lover work? I doubt it.

"Call Haz," I said to my car, hearing the familiar dial tone as I put my drivers seat window up to stop the air from pumping through the car and affecting the sound of the call.

"Hey mate, how'd everything go? You're on speaker with Robyn by the way," Haz said happily.

"I didn't wake you both did I?" I asked cautiously.

"No, we just finished having a shower after trying out our new Shibari," Robyn chirped. I asked what the fuck Shibari was and Haz explained it was a Japanese form of rope bondage. Nice.

I explained to them both that I had managed to find Y/N's car in the casino car park before following her home. Robyn was kind of disgusted at first but then she came around to the idea when Haz said it was all for 'love'. Again, I'd like to clarify that I am very ashamed of stalking Y/N and regret the entire night.

I also explained how I was feeling right now. That was something my therapist and I had been working on since the break up; explaining my feelings in a logical way rather than acting on emotional. You know, the whole left brain right brain shit?

"You just need to focus on yourself mate," Haz said, as if that wasn't what I had been trying to do for the past ten fucking months.

"You know what? You need a change. Your lifestyle reminds you of Y/N so much that it's harder for you to get over her. Why don't you like, buy a new house? It'll be a cool project for you to invest your energy into. You can clean the slate and move into an empty canvas. Make new memories there," Robyn suggested.

"That's actually not a bad idea... You could make it like some sick fucking bachelor pad! Fuck having a huge house with a bunch of empty rooms that make you feel alone all the time," Haz added.

"A new house could actually do me quite well... Maybe an apartment this time. I bought my current place when I first dated Sofia so I've been here since like, eighteen or something... A change could really be good for me," I nodded, pulling into my driveway and realising that I didn't need some huge ridiculous house until I was ready to settle down.

We all said our goodbyes once I realised it was pretty late at night and they needed to rest after their Asian bondage shit. And you know what? As hard as it was to hear, Haz was right. I am really alone in such a big house like this. No wonder I struggle with being comfortable with myself when I'm constantly reminded of ex girlfriends that didn't work out for me and a life I always dreamed of but never got.

It's depressing living here. I need a change.

I ran myself a bath, which is something I rarely do because I find them rather boring. But what Robyn said to me earlier is really ringing true; I need to clear the slate and start fresh.

I rummaged through the bathroom cupboards as the water rushed out of the faucet and filled the tub. Surely there's something in here to add to the bath to make it bubbly or smell good or turn it fucking blue right? What's bath salt? Is that for the water or for your body? Fuck it I'll chuck it in the water.

"Magnesium and Lavender..." I muttered to myself, reading the back of the foil packet after I had already poured a bunch into the water. It said to pour 2 cups of salt to each gallon of water. What the fuck? How am I supposed to know how many fucking gallons this is? Do people keep fucking measuring cups in their bathrooms? Whatever.

Undressing and swishing the water with my hand, I decided it would be an okay temperature to get in. Which I did. I don't know why I need to add that detail, obviously I'm running a bath to get in it.

After lying down in the tub I decided to start my house hunting. I started with a basic Google search: Luxury Penthouse for Sale in London. The first few websites that came up were just old listings that had already been sold. That's so useful. Why the fuck are they still up? That's so fucking dumb.

I resorted to downloading a real estate app, setting the price range to anything above 10 million pounds and starting my search that way. I presume that majority of the luxury apartments would be advertised by private agencies but this will do for now.

The most expensive one on the app was overlooking the Thames and London Bridge. It recently built and the asking price wasn't even stated. It just said 'Enquire Now' which I guess made me even more intrigued.

All one floor, the penthouse offered a vast open plan setting, three bedrooms, a large balcony and two and a half bathrooms. It also had a gym in the building, a thirty metre indoor pool and a sauna. It would be kind of nice not having to worry about amenities like that anymore, the building just takes care of it all.

And a temperature controlled wine cellar? Fuck, I barely even drink wine but I guess I'll have to start if I buy this place... Fuck it, I'll email the agent tomorrow. Right now, I just want to sink my head under the water and disappear.

New house, new Tom.