Mr Brightside || Danny Gonzalez x Drew Gooden

chapter ten // dying memories

Danny wakes up to the sound of bacon sizzling on the stove. He blinks a couple times, trying to clear up his blurry vision. The book is wide open, face down on his chest. Danny slowly closes the book remembering the last entry he read, the memories dancing alive in his head. He shuts the book and sets it down on the coffee table, he looks to his right to see Laura frying bacon in the kitchen.

"Couldn't sleep?" She asks as Danny comes up behind her, throwing his arms over her shoulders. He nods,

"Sorry." Danny breathes,

"Don't apologize, it's been rough." She guides Danny to the table and slides two pieces of bacon onto his plate. She examines his face and smiles, "You seem, brighter."

Danny cuts a tiny piece of his bacon and chews on it, usually, he never has an appetite but maybe Laura was right, he did feel more alive, he felt for the first time, an improvement but he was definitely far from better.

He still knows he looks sick, he feels it too, he avoids mirrors as much as possible. He doesn't want to see himself like this, he feels even worse for letting Laura see his steady decline. He swallows, suddenly feeling the need to tell Laura everything that happened on tour. Maybe let her read the journal. Although he wouldn't know where to start. Plus he feels guilty for reading Drew's diary himself so there's no way he could ever be able to allow Laura to. He watches as she waves him goodbye and leaves the house for work. He manages to finish his first meal after finding out about Drew's death and returns to the diary. He holds the photo booth strip in his hand, flipping it back and forth.

Danny shivers, suddenly feeling Drew's lips on his, he remembers the way Drew played with his hair as they kissed. He remembers Drew's hot body against his back, pulling him closer as they spooned. It was like he couldn't stand to be even just an inch apart. All thoughts of being homesick left his mind, all he thought about was being in the moment with Drew. He remembers how hard he tried not to smile when he watched as Drew handed the phone back to Kurtis, not deleting the photo.

He didn't want to smile, he felt like shit. There he was with the most beautiful wife and the most incredible friendship with Drew and he was throwing them both away. And now Drew's gone.

He wills himself to cry, he wants to feel salty tears stream down his face, his cheeks to get all flushed, his eyes puffy, nose running. But nothing. Every page he turns, he just misses Drew even more. So many memories that had started to fade are now fresh in his mind. He feels himself shaking and wishes more than ever that Drew was there to hold his hand. He flips through the book, afraid to continue reading but eager for slowly dying memories to heal.