Mr Brightside || Danny Gonzalez x Drew Gooden

chapter fifteen // no regrets

October 13th, 2019
That's a wrap. We finished our last show about an hour ago and honestly I never thought this day would come. It is crazy man, so much has happened and I just cannot believe it is over. This has been the most incredible experience and if I could do it all over again, I would.

Surprisingly the best part wasn't the shows, as much as totally loved performing, it was actually the memories we made backstage, in the tour bus and in the hotel rooms. I'm also pretty impressed that I kept up with writing in here, looks like Kurtis owes me 20 dollars. But seriously, this will be something I will never forget, and also me and Kurtis did get close, I learned so much about him and things are really great between us.

And Danny. Shit, so much happened between us, and everything that we did surprisingly I don't really regret, well disregarding the shadow of guilt that embraced me every night. I'm just happy that it didn't do anything to our friendship, well nothing bad. It actually helped our relationship grow, now that I knew what kissing Danny felt like, all the fantasies about how he would taste and feel disappeared. It was like it was ticked off my bucket list and it didn't seem like such a big deal anymore.

Was that last part a lie? Yes, of course it was. I didn't want to forget, I didn't want to pretend the two months where I felt so alive were nothing but platonic hours.

I loved the way I felt whenever I was with him, the way my stomach immediately swarmed with butterflies and my brain fogged and everything was complicated with pure affection. I hate that I will never be able to feel that again, and I hate that I put a stop to it even though it was what I had to do. But even though it will take a while to overcome the occasional desire to feel him under my skin, I wouldn't change anything.

We went out to the bar as a celebration and of course, Kurtis managed to score us some weed, I didn't smoke much but Danny and Kurtis certainly did. Although I most definitely will take some more because if I thought taking care of drunk Danny and Kurtis was hard, just wait for them to be high. Hold up, I just realized that the last time I let the two of them write in her was on the 24th of September which is near an entire month ago, I'll let them write journal one last time, so enjoy Danny and Kurtis before they get too high to do literally anything.

Hey journal, it is Kurt and I just want to say that I really enjoyed hanging with Dan and Drew and I just want to let you know that I knew about the two of them the whole time. Plot twist, I know. Also, I gotta say I am very shocked that Drew actually kept his word and wrote in here throughout the entire tour. I'm proud bro.

Hey, it is Danny and I'm sad that this is the last time I will get to write in here but I feel so lucky to have been able to experience this with my two best friends and I would say that I'm sorry for kissing Drew but I am not. I know it was wrong, I get it. But dude, everything felt like it just clicked like the last pieces in a puzzle. It was perfect, so fucking perfect. Now I finally understand the phrase, right person, wrong time. Wow.