Days Like This. | D.L.

2.

"Miles! Oh my god, how are you?" I ran up to her and she squeezed me tight. I was so happy to see her, I hadn't seen her since my wedding.

"My Bitch, D! I'm so fucking good! How are you girl?" The excitement on her face and in her voice was so prominent, I didn't want to bring her down with all of my issues.

"I'm good! I cannot wait to perform tonight. It has been so long." I told her as we sat down to talk.

"Yes it has! The last time we were on stage together was while you and Nick were still a thing. I mean unless you count karaoke nights." She laughed and I tried to as well, and push past the thoughts and memories that were brought up.

"Haha yeah. It should be pretty great." I said.

"Miley you are needed in your dressing room! And Demi, come with me and I will show you, yours!" We walked down the hallway to where the room was. "Phil is waiting for you."

I thanked Miley's assistant, Bailey, and walked inside. I found Phil standing and pacing while on the phone. He looked upset and I held my breath. He saw me and got off the phone.

"Is everything okay?" I asked, nervously.

"No. Siena brought the wrong outfit I told her to bring. You were supposed to be wearing the leather bodysuit and she brought the crème colored silk dress. We talked about this." He ranted.

I knew Siena didn't accidentally bring the wrong outfit. We had both fallen in love with the dress, and Phil hated it. His exact words were, "I don't think it's the right choice. It's too... curve defining, and not shaping enough." He meant it showed off my rolls and curves and didn't give me a slimming figure like the bodysuit did. 

I sent Siena a quick thank you, and was very glad I had hired her and not Phil so he couldn't fire her. 

"Your team should be here shortly. There is water in the fridge, and some rice cakes on the counter. Don't eat much, the dress will definitely show any extra... volume." He said as someone knocked on the door.

I went to open it and squealed when Jesse was on the other side. He came in and I kissed him deeply. Phil left and Jesse and I cuddled on the couch, waiting for my team to arrive.

"You look sexy babe." He said and I laughed. "Sweats and all?" I asked and he nodded a smirk on his face.

"I'm starving. Got any snacks?" Jesse asked as he got a water and looked toward the counter.

"Only if you wanna have a rice cake." I said and chuckled. Jesse made a face and I knew what he was thinking.

"Babe, they taste like a clump of dirt. We don't even buy them because of how it triggers bad memories. Why would you get them?" He asked and I also grabbed a water.

"I didn't. Phil got them." I said simply, and taking a swig of my water.

Jesse rolled his eyes and mumbled an 'of course' and I jut tried to ignore it. Jesse was always talking about how Phil did things that upset him and how he didn't like it. I know he was only doing it because he cared about me, but it got annoying hearing him complain about my manager.

My glam team arrived shortly after and they got me all ready. When Siena was helping me get dressed, I heard the words Phil had said about it run through my head. I suddenly didn't like the dress, or more importantly how it fit my body.

I knew I had to try and ignore it because I had to get on stage. I looked in the mirror and looked at every part of my body. It was short and went right below my ass, accentuating it and making it look bigger than it was.

Jesse came up behind me and put his hands on my hips. He kissed my neck and my head fell back against his chest. The need for him was very strong but I only had 10 minutes until I was on stage. I wanted him so badly.

"You are gonna do so good tonight baby. And i'm gonna be on the side of the stage cheering you on." I turned around and gave him a quick kiss.

"You are so getting lucky when we get home." His smile grew and he blushed a little. I kissed him one last time before being whisked away on stage.

The show was absolutely amazing and performing with Miley again was incredible. After the show we were invited to go out and celebrate but I was so exhausted that we just headed back home. We got home at around 1 AM and I was no longer tired. We didn't waste any time.

I was naked before I knew it, and screaming out in pleasure. I was sure that I was leaving marks on Jesse's back, but he didn't seem to mind, being lost in satisfaction. I fell asleep naked in bed with my head on Jesse's chest, and I was never more content. Well except for our wedding night.

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"Demi you have to get up. Please baby. Get up." He begged me to get out of the bed I had been trapped in all morning. My mind had shut down and I couldn't get out of bed.

Jesse had been trying to get me out of bed and I just couldn't. I couldn't do anything.

Today was May 23rd. The one year anniversary of losing our baby.

When I found out I was pregnant again, I was so excited. But I couldn't help the overwhelming sense of guilt. The guilt that I so desperately wanted the baby even though the pregnancy wasn't planned and Jesse and I were so busy.

I felt guilty because of the pregnancy I had when I was with Nick. I was 20 years old and I was recently sober. Not even a year. Nick and I had been dating for a few months and I was terrified. I wasn't in the right place to have a baby, I was so young, I was unmarried, and Nick and I had only been together for a few months. 

When I found out, the first person I told was Dallas. I called and I was freaking out so she came over immediately. I told her everything and cried in her arms until Nick came over. I had forgotten about the date he had planned.

When I told Nick, he was excited. And I was not. I couldn't lie to him so the next day, I told him I was going to have an abortion. He cried and begged me to keep the baby. He even offered to be a single dad. He couldn't understand why I was making the decision that I chose.

I went to my appointment with Dallas, and when I got home, Nick wasn't there. I was scared that this would be the end of us. He came the next few days and tried to push away any of the negative feelings he was having for me and our relationship, for over a month. It just wasn't enough.

So when I wanted this unplanned baby, I felt guilty because I was excited and ready this time. Jesse was ecstatic when I told him. He cried and lifted me up and kissed me with so much love. We were so excited and told our whole family.

When I was 29 weeks pregnant, I started cramping and bleeding. Jesse rushed me to the hospital, where they told us I had Preeclampsia and Placenta Abruption. My blood pressure was extremely, dangerously high. Placenta Abruption is where the placenta peels away from the inner wall of the uterus before delivery — either partially or completely. This can deprive the baby of oxygen and nutrients and cause you to bleed heavily. Because of it, the baby's oxygen was cut off.

Because I was so far along, they still had to deliver my baby. They gave me Pitocin and it started labor. I was feeling contractions and all the labor pains, all knowing that I wouldn't get to have my perfect baby in the end. 

After 13 hours, I delivered our baby. A baby girl. We named her Peyton Ivy Williams.

She never got to take her first breath. I never got to hear her cry. I never got to witness the miracle of what having a child is like. We never got any of the firsts.

I hated myself for having an abortion, when I witnessed what it was like to loose a baby knowing I could have had one years before. What would my life be like now, if I had made a different choice then?

Jesse eventually gave up on trying to convince me to get out of bed. Instead, he climbed in next to me and I cried on him.

Today was going to be so hard for both of us.