Days Like This. | D.L.

3.

I looked up and saw Jesse's concentrated face as he dug a hole in our backyard. He had convinced me to get out of bed at 11, but still cancelled my meetings. Once I was out of bed he brought me outside and sat me down. I was extremely confused on why he was digging a hole in the middle of our lawn, but I just watched, curious as to what would happen.

After he finished with the small hole, he came over and took my hands. He led me over to the hole and I watched him. "So today is P's day, so I wanted us to do a few things for her. The first one is this." He took a small plant from the patio and placed it in front of me.

"This is a Weeping Cherry tree. Once it blooms, it will have the most beautiful pink flowers growing on the drooping branches. It only blooms once a year around Spring. This tree will symbolize Peyton and how much she means to us and the impact she has had on our lives, though brief. When the tree blooms, it will be around May every year. Our future children will grow up in this backyard, where this tree is planted and her memory will always be present. I don't want her memory to be sad anymore baby. We have to celebrate the miracle she is, even though we didn't get to have her for long." By the time he was finished, tears were running down my face.

I leaned into him and he kissed the top of my head, and wiped away my tears. "I love you Jess. So much." 

We gently placed the small tree into the hole that Jesse had dug. He had done all of the research, so he knew what to do. We filled the hole, and watered it. 

It was so sweet of Jesse to do this, and the fact that it was so permanent made me so happy. We planted it together, just like how we have gotten through everything, big or small. It was something that I knew would help me through losing her, and Jesse knew me well enough to know that too.

We sat outside admiring the small tree, before we went inside to eat some lunch. I wasn't hungry, at all, however Jesse always made sure I ate. Sometimes it was hard for m to get the motivation to even do that, so his constant support always made it easier.

"Do you have work at all today?" I asked as I ate some of my pasta.

"No, we aren't doing anything today. I do have to be there tomorrow morning though. I will come home for a few hours around 2 and then go back for a night shoot." He looked at me, and I nodded. 

I was so happy Jesse loved his job, but at times I was so jealous. I can't remember the last time I did something in my career that gave me as much joy as Grey's Anatomy gave him. 

Don't get me wrong, I love my fans and the job that I do have. It just gets so extremely exhausting and I just felt like I was meant to do something besides being a household name.

 Like what I had been searching for my whole life, and at times found in drugs and alcohol. To be honest, it was somewhat scary to think about. I had found that when I was pregnant with Peyton.

But if it was what I was meant to do, then why couldn't I get pregnant?

My phone rang and took me away from my thoughts. I got up and grabbed it, checking who it was. "Hey Dal. What's up?"

"Come let me in, bitch. I forgot the code. I'm waiting at the gate." I couldn't help but chuckle slightly as the line went dead. 

I opened the gate and watched Dallas pull up. She got out of her car and walked up to me, hugging me silently. I almost started crying, but managed to control myself. I was afraid if I started crying again, I would never stop.

"Hi." I said and pulled away from her. She looked in my eyes and gave me a slight smile.

"Hi. Wanna go inside?" I nodded and we walked inside where I found Jesse watching football. I brought Dallas into the basement and we sat down on the couches in the extra living room.

We sat silent for a few minutes before Dallas spoke up. "How are you feeling?

"I miss my baby. And I am so scared that I won't be able to get pregnant again." My voice cracked and I blinked several times to stop the tears.

"If you are meant to have more babies, you will have more babies. Even in I have to carry it for you." I smiled thinking about Dallas having a pregnant belly and the fact that she so easily offered to make me happy.

"Jesse has been so amazing today, you have no idea. He came up with an idea to honor Peyton and it's the most beautiful thought ever. Do you wanna see?" She instantly nodded and stood up so I led her to our backyard.

I looked over at her to see her reaction, and saw tears falling down her face. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"My heart hurts for you. I can't believe Jesse thought of this. He is so sweet." She turned and hugged me and we stayed that way for a while.

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"Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday dear Peyton. Happy Birthday to you." 

Jesse and I blew out the single candle on the cake and I looked up and kissed him. 

After Dallas left, Jesse and I just spent some time together. We talked about all sorts of things, and by dinner I felt so much better about today. 

It was becoming less about the loss and pain, and more about celebrating our sweet babygirl.