Days Like This. | D.L.

11.

"If our child is a boy, we are NOT naming him Cobalt!" I laughed at Jesse's idea. "That just reminds me of like... the periodic table of elements or something!"

"Cobalt Williams is a cool name babe! Just think about it." He laughed and smiled lightly before taking a sip of his water.

We were out for breakfast before I had my meeting with Phil. I turned 12 weeks pregnant yesterday and although I still was extremely anxious, it was becoming impossible to hide my bump. We knew we should tell everyone.

"So, how are we going to bring it up?" Jesse asked. I had a hard time sleeping last night trying to figure out how to tell him.

"I was thinking of... god I don't know." Nerves were shooting through my body. Jesse could tell I was nervous, which made him a little upset.

When I was pregnant with Peyton, Phil was not happy. We told everyone as soon as we found out, and he instantly freaked out. At first he was trying to convince me to get an abortion.

Of course he wasn't happy when she passed away, but he just shoved me right back into work. We had planned on keeping the pregnancy a secret until she was born, and Jesse stood his ground. I did remote interviews and everybody just thought I was working on my album.

I didn't want to do that this time. I was sick of doing what pleases everyone else and scared of Phil trying to control the decisions we made for our family, I wanted to make them. And I didn't last time, but I would this time.

He was my manager so I listen to what he says for almost everything. With my career and other aspects of my life, fine. But not my family.

"Babe. We have to get going if you don't want to be late." Jesse said. He took my hand after placing a generous tip on the table and together we went to the Management office we were meeting at.

Jesse placed his hand on my thigh, protectively and I traced shapes on his hand. Was it weird that i found his hands attractive? Whatever, I'm blaming it on the hormones.

We walked in, hand in hand, and sat down at the oval table. People slowly trickled in. Phil was last, and closed the door.
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"No I'll come with you. I want to support you lovey." I told Jesse and he smiled, causing me to get butterflies.

"Its just an interview babe. Not a big deal." He said but I shook my head. "You are always supporting me so it's my turn to support you."

We met up with Jesse's cast members and were led into a building. They all started getting mic'd up and I loved just sitting and watching it all.

It wasn't too long before they were all introduced on stage and I went into the Green room to watch. Seeing Jesse laugh with his cast and answer questions about the show he is so passionate about made my heart swell.

The interview was over before I knew it because I got talking with Krista about anything and everything and felt the couch dip next to me.

Jesse snaked his arms around my belly and rested his head on my shoulder while we finished our conversation. We left not long after.

"I think I want to start looking for more job opportunities. It seems like Shonda and Krista are starting to push my character aside, which I get but I'm starting to have more freetime because of it." Jesse said glancing over ag me but keeping his focus on the road ahead.

"If that's what you want baby, then let's talk with your manager and you can start doing more auditions." I said. And I saw his mouth turn up.

"But babe, I don't want to miss anything with the pregnancy. And doing this means that I will be gone more." I nodded realizing what he meant.

"Its okay Jes. Phil was just talking about me traveling for album promo." I told him.

"I didn't like how he talked to you today. I know it was better than last time but it still seemed like he cared more about your career than our family and what you want." He said and I rolled my eyes.

"Here we go again." I mumbled and I heard him sigh.

"Real mature Demi. I'm just tryna be honest with you, and you always take his side. You don't realize that what he does messes with my life too." He said to me.

"Great. Okay so now, you care only about yourself huh. Was your concern ever about me in the first place?" I didn't understand why I was getting so upset by this. I knew he only wanted what was best for me so what I was saying wasn't true.

"Of course it was! But he controls both our our lives. We have premade meals for us that he hired a personal chef for that he requests you and I eat. He makes you work until you drop with isn't healthy! Last month he fired Rachel for forgetting to take the phone out of our hotel room! Does this all sound healthy, normal, or okay to you!?" I stayed silent and as soon as he parked the car I got out.

I stormed inside, slamming the door purposefully and hurried up stairs. I locked myself in the bathroom and threw off everything but my bra and underwear.

I stared at myself in the mirror and started crying. I hated how my body looked, even though it's for the best possible reason. But Jesse bringing up the control over food really triggered me for some reason.

Why couldn't I have a healthy relationship with food and my body? Why couldn't I think normal? Why did anyone else care about what I did or didn't do to my body or what I ate?

Maybe it was the small red flags of Phil's behavior or my mental struggles but I slid to the floor, leaning up against the bathtub crying. Hard.

There was a knock at the door.

"Demi, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to raise my voice. And I know me pointing out things I don't like about Phil annoys you. Please tell me why your crying. How can I make it better?" He said form the other side of the door.

His soft voice made me forget any reason I was mad at him, and I got up to open the door. I fell into his arms crying and he helped me to bed.

"Why can't I just be normal?"