I snap back into reality as I walk. The road had become more serene, the people all heading towards the crowded part of the beach. I stood against the railing, the wind blowing in my face. I could imagine Elios standing right there. His back turned glaring out at the sea. I took a deep breath. Visioning him there, he was breathtaking. It was a mixed feeling of anger and delight. I wish I could've gone to the beach with him again. Together. But then again, I had always wished for him to be dead. He broke my heart, and I could never forgive him. But he was engraved in my mind. I think I dislike him. But the hate is different. It's the sense where I can scream at him because I hate him, but not enough to stop looking away from him. All I wanted to hear was a reason. A reason to leave me alone.
I remember the ocean breeze coating his skin in a light mist of brine leaving it salty to taste. When we got home, every kiss would remind us of the waves that pound the beach in white foam spray, but right now it's just the perfect coolness to keep our minds right here in the present where we're happiest. I remembered the softness of his hand, his beautiful auburn golden eyes. And that's when I fell.
~ ~ ~
: Perspective ~ Him :
When I first met her, I instantly knew she was the one. Her eyes were the hue of the new spring growth, bright and soft all at once. There were flecks of strength, of the kind of green that comes only as summer advances. She was persistent and strong, beautiful and charming and great. So when I left her many years ago, I really wanted to say goodbye to her. I just, I guess, I couldn't find the courage to say goodbye to the girl that I loved.
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So when I moved to Vernara, I guess it was just natural. The air was beautiful and calm. There was a great sense of mirth to the country town; perhaps it was born of the joy one feels upon meeting a friend magnified by familiarity. There was a lovely barn blossomed on the hill amid the grass and the meadow flowers, as if one day it sprung up from some precious seed. I guess what I'm saying is, it belonged there, and if it were absent the picture of that landscape would be missing something very special. That was how I felt. I felt that without her, it would be like a picture that wasn't finished. Just left aside. And that's why I tried my best to look away from those sad memories. I hid my feelings and I tried to blend into the background. I tried. I really did. I dated other girls, I tried to get everyone off my mind. And that's when I met Emily. I guess she was different from other girls. She looked at everything from a different perspective, always happy and delighted but realizing the bad and good of the world. I guess she kinda reminded me of you.
So on that day, when I thought I saw you in Vernara, I had the shock of my life. Seeing you was like a dream. Seeing you again felt like love at first sight. I felt so happy. So that's why, when I heard the news the next morning, I was upset. Disturbed. Worried. Emily was found dead. And against the walls was writing. " You promised you would always love me, and then you left. You promised you would care for me, and then you left," it said. It was written in blood. The dripping letters, finely written Emily's once white walls, dripping in the coarse words that Vivian had written. Guilt. That's what I felt. Instant, damn, guilt. I didn't mean to leave you. I just did.
