SAUDADE // I loved you

-𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 9- ✔

- 𝐈 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 ✔-

: Chapter 9 : Perspective ~ Him :

So the next day, I tried to leave. I left at four in the morning. I packed my bag and walked out. I said goodbye to this beloved town, my beloved Emily, my parents. I decided to walk away, the car would've been too loud. I would've awoken the silent, small town that I loved. That was like my second home. The place I hid from my fears and horrors of the real world. Like you, Vivian. You were part of the real world. Except you were the happiness of my world, the whole universe to me.

I tried to race out before I had to face you again and feel so much guilt inside myself. I tried. I really tried. The wind was scorching. It touched my skin boldly as the heat of the day steamed in the air. Like a hot sauna, the hot wind and the flickering grains of sand. It was like hell and desert mixed all together. As I walked down the road, a small silhouette was there. Vivian? I walked closer, having no idea if I was seeing something real or if it was just an illusion. I could see the silhouette, a pair of blazing eyes through the wind and hair flying back and forth in the wind.

I walked forward, the wind attacking my eyes. I felt my feet weak with pain, my heart heavy. I could see her running towards me, her face fiery. But with sadness.

" VIVIAN!!!" I screamed.

The sand blew in my hair, the sound of the dust resonating. It was like the tiny pebbles of rain, each droplet hitting the roof and sliding down. Dead. It was loud and painful.

I hear her screaming my name.

Elios. Please. Come back. Be with me again and everything. Everything will. Be. Fine. Again.

I opened my arms, straining myself towards her. Trying to stop her. Trying to do anything to stop her. I didn't want anybody else to suffer. Nobody else. Just stop. Please.

The air was too strong. And that's when she was 5 steps away from me when I realized. Her hands. One was clenched in a ball, white with fury. The other, with a glistening silver. And in that split second, that's when she ran up to me. It felt slow, but brutal.

That's when I felt the intense, electric tingle in my stomach, a growing heat within. My chest felt ripped, I could feel myself gasping that's when I felt myself in much pain. I felt the whole world collapsing, falling down with me. At first I thought it was just a punch to the stomach, but it felt different. Not a pencil pricking your skin. It was an inside pain. I felt my steps weak as I was thrown back.

All I could feel was

Sadness.

And

Anger.

My vision turned blurry, my hands lifeless. I looked down at my hands, the red dust covering me. When I watched a movie, I watched the characters cry, the protagonist crying, weeping for the dead body. I should've felt like the body. Close to death, dying, and in pain. Screaming their last words, whispering their love.

But here I am feeling tears dripping down my face. The coldness of the salty water, dripping down, my tongue catching the tiny droplets. I felt myself suffocating, my breath unsteady. It was so bloody difficult.

Vivian I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.

It was unfair.

I could see her walking away, my eyes speckled with dirt, the grains of sand drawing upon me. but I could feel the dust in my eyes, the peaceful sunrise in front of me. The rising sun cast a rosy hue across the horizon, the slim fingers of hope reaching out onto my body. My heart was going back to a slower beat, my fingers numb from the tension. The flurry of pale dust clouds, the rising of the small sun. My face was wet from sweat and tears. I looked around at the area, smiling inside. And that's when it hit. I felt calm, peaceful and perfect. For once.

And that's when I felt myself falling. I was at peace. My heart beating slowly. And just before I closed my eyes, I felt myself smiling softly, the corners of my lips flickering upwards. What a nice view.

Thank you. And I'm sorry. I haven't just loved you. I've always loved you Vivian..

He lay in the centre of the floor, his chest covered in blood, his last tears streaming down his face. His last words, silent. His last call, His last plee, His last sorry. Gone. The sun behind him spreads it's wings and embraces his body. It is the brilliant flower of the sky that warms our days. It is the invitation to a new day, that sunrise so ordinary extraordinary. The hues of purple and pink against the daffodil yellow. The colours and the sunrise wasn't just a picture perfect scene. It is also an invitation, an embrace for those who want to live. Who want to live in happiness. Without forgetting, without sadness. It was the spread of hands, the opening, the delight. And as Elios lay there, he embraced the sun and the sun took him.