three types of love; enhypen 02z

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Laughing. You were laughing. So hard that you could barely breath.

"Y/n..." Jay said softly.

"That's a funny joke!" You giggled. Your mouth was drawn up in a wide grin. When had your forever become bullshit?

"Look, Jay. I love you, but Jake is an angel." You swallowed thickly. "You've met him." You smiled. "He would never."

"I'm sorry." Jay fiddled with his fingers before hesitantly lifting his hand as if he might reach for yours. He didn't complete the action.

"God." You groaned. You forced out another dry laugh before putting your head in your hands. You stayed like that for a moment before dropping your head onto your desk. The crown of your head made an unpleasantly sharp sound when it hit the wood and you winced. You let out a soft whine and clutched the sore spot on your forehead.

You felt Jay's warm fingers on your back and temple. "Jongseong, please go outside." You moistened your lips and squeezed your eyes shut. "I need to call Jake."

You felt Jay rub a warm circle on your back. "It might be better to see him in person, y/n." He whispered supportively.

"Okay." You croaked. "Okay. Tell my mom I'm going out."

"Alright." He said softly.

"If my baby makes me cry, I don't want to come home like that." You shifted and laid your cheek on your desk so you could look up at Jay. He wouldn't meet your gaze so you moved it to your wall. Your eyes felt heavy. "So can I go to your house?"

"Yeah."

"Thank you." You pushed yourself up and felt Jay's hand drop coldly off your back so it was hanging by his side. You crossed your room and pulled the door open. He didn't follow you, and you didn't bother looking back.

————

You shrugged your light jacket on and off your shoulders as you waited for the footsteps to reach the door. You traced the texture of the door with your eyes as you waited. When the door was pulled open, it was by Jake, looking sleepy and very sunday-ish.

"Hi y/n." His lips started to curve into a soft pink smile but dropped back down at the look on your face. "What's wrong?" He took a step outside and shut the door behind himself. You blinked and furrowed your eyebrows, shrugging your jacket back onto your shoulders and sticking your chilly fingers back into the pockets.

You felt warmth on your arms when Jake reached out and ran his hands up and down your arms to warm you up a bit. "What happened." He pouted.

You pulled a hand out of your pocket and interlaced your fingers with Jake's, peering at him through the hair falling over your eyes. "I don't want to believe it, but I don't know what to think. I trust Jay, but I also trust you. I love you."

"Um.." Jake moistened his lips and swallowed. "What's it?" But a cold look had already crossed over his gaze like a terrible memory had wandered into his mind.

"Did you really kiss her?" You whispered.

Jake took in a sharp breath and winced, his gaze traveling around until it fixed on your stomach where he couldn't see the expression on your face. "I don't want to lie to you." He murmured. He was close enough to you that you could feel his warm breath feather over your face. He smelled like cinnamon and chocolate chip cookies.

Damnit.

"I'm guessing that means yes?" You forced out. Your voice was all crackly and broken like you were made of glass and your larynx had been thrown and shattered on the ground. You sounded broken and it was terrible. It was like Sunghoon all over again.

"I didn't mean to." Jake's voice broke as he tightened his grip on your hand like you might disappear if he didn't hold you close enough.

"So yes." You said thickly. You felt your eyes start to burn and a round choking feeling forcing it's way up your throat.

It was just like Sunghoon again.

Almost.

It hurt more now. It hurt so much that you just wanted to disintegrate. Forget breaking down, you could barely speak. You tried to take a breath of air but it felt like your lungs were filled with mosses and grass, choking you up.

Jake leaned his forehead against yours.

You felt your heart break even more when you felt a cold little tear trace it's way down the side of your nose and down until it was laying salty on your lips. It wasn't your tear, It was Jake's. That's why it hurt more. He didn't mean it. You knew he really, really didn't mean it.

"I'm so sorry." He pressed a warm kiss onto your forehead, leaving a wet mark where his tears had slipped down and glazed his rose petal lips.

"But why?" You croaked.

"Oh, I have no idea." He mumbled. "I don't know...why." His voice broke. "I wasn't thinking straight? I just let her." Jake whimpered.

You wanted to believe that you could still trustfully give him the key to you heart, but you had a feeling that you would have to take it back. You weren't sure how long it would take you now. You weren't sure how long it would take this time to build up your trust again for someone, if every time you got hurt.

You let out a hot breath into his shoulder when he drew you into a hug. He was so warm. You would miss that. You would miss his big pink smile and his warm hugs and his soft kisses and how much he worried when you didn't eat and how much he relied on you.

You would miss everything about Sim Jaeyun. He was everything you wanted, but everything you couldn't have. Everything you couldn't have because he'd broken your trust and you weren't sure it could be healed.

Your cheeks were wet and cold now, and there were small glistening circles of water in your hair from Jake's muffled crying. He knew as well that this would be the termination of your forever.

"Just." You choked out. "Just please...kiss me. One last time."

So he did. He leaned down and placed a soft slow kiss on your lips, but his lips were wet with his tears still. He tasted like sadness. Your heart dropped. It was all over before the end had even begun.

Jake let out a heavy breath onto your lips then pressed a kiss to your forehead, finally releasing you.

"So." He murmured. In that broken voice of his, that regretful voice of his, his accent rang clear through. It felt like you were being stabbed with pins and needles in your heart. Prickles. "Goodbye then." He frowned and kissed your forehead again as if that would make everything okay again.

You had a feeling that would be the biggest regret of his life.

You had a sinking feeling this would be the worst heart break you would ever experience. That made it hurt even more. You felt like you'd been through hundreds of lifetimes with him.

It was time to say goodbye to two years in love with Sim Jaeyun.

"Goodbye, Jake." You forced out. You were close to sobbing now. You rubbed at your eyes and turned away from him, feeling the burn throughout your body. Maybe you would breakdown this time too, but maybe not in front of him this time. You tried so hard not to sob. All of a sudden as you walked down the steps and sidewalk, you were remembering when you had first met him.

It all felt like so, so long ago. When you were broken and crying uncontrollably on the stairs, all alone on your own. When he noticed and came to comfort a stranger. It felt so bad to be leaving him now. You'd been with each other through all the ups and downs you could imagine.

"See you at school.." Jake murmured from the doorway. His voice was just barely audible.

You couldn't bring yourself to respond.