three types of love; enhypen 02z

<3

You learned later that Jay at some point had called your grandmother (since your mom's line had been busy) and informed her that you would be staying at his house for the night. Meanwhile, for you, the night started relatively early. After Jay insisting on making dinner for you and his family, you ate and crawled into his bed, staring blankly at a nature channel playing on the tv in his room. Around you, Jay was picking up the empty spoons and ice cream tubs, delivering them downstairs then coming back to clean up the games.

Once his floor was decluttered, Jay approached you where you'd created a burrito of yourself inside the blanket. He sat down on the other side of the bed and changed the channel to spongebob in hope of getting some smiles out of you. At seeing the cartoon, you only sniffled and pulled the covers above your head.

Jay sighed softly and poked your shoulder. "Y/n." He said in a sweet voice. "Should I sleep beside you or do you want me to sleep on the floor? And should I turn off the tv?"

You peeked at him. "I don't care..."

Jay smiled a little and smoothed your hair down like you were a baby. "I need to know where I should sleep."

You tucked your face back under the blanket. "Beside me please. I want someone to hug." You mumbled.

"Alright." Jay's voice came softly. There were footsteps, and then the room was dark; the tv went off. You let out a hot breath and slid down, adjusting your pillow to lie down flat. You felt the bed dip on the left side when Jay climbed in, but not much else. Having grown up with Jay and had plenty of sleepovers together, you knew you would start sleeping on opposite sides of the bed but end up clinging to each other by morning.

Another hot breath. You shook your head and squeezed your eyes shut tightly, trying your best to rid yourself of all Jake related thoughts. Instead, it felt like memories of your every moment together were getting crammed into your head.

Slowly, cold tears traced their way down your cheeks and you were holding the duvet to your mouth in order to muffle your sobs. You squeezed your eyes closed but could feel the cold on your lashes. The bed made a slight sound when Jay rolled over to pat your back. Neither of you said a word. Silence was all you needed. Silence was enough comfort.

You had Jay to rely on. Jay who you knew you could trust even when your trust had been broken so many times and you were scared to try again. Jay, your best friend. Jay, your closest friend.

You still longed for Jake. You wished your feelings could disappear in a day.

————

In the month after your breakup with Jake, you'd cried and wailed with Jay by your side more times than you could count. You complained, and you complained, and you complained, and every time you thought of it, your heart started to ache all over again.

On a whim six months after your breakup with Jake, you decided to move on.

"Jay." You stabbed your milkshake with your spoon then lifted it out to lick off the whipped cream. Jay glanced at you through his eyelashes. "Hm?"

You tapped your fingers on the side of your glass, watching him unsurely sip his own milkshake. He moistened his lips. "What?"

"Do you want to try dating?"

Jay was silent. His gaze faltered and fixed on his milkshake. "Are you sure you're ready for this?" He sighed. "Have you really let go yet?"

You clutched your clothes between your fingers. "I'm sure. I- I think I want to."

Jay smiled warmly at you, although this gaze was shaky and holding something else. "You think. Y/n. You're not sure."

You reached out and Jay let you hold his hands. He rubbed little circles on the back of your hand with his thumb. He was so warm. "But I want to."

"I don't want you to be hurt when you realize you don't really love me."

You glanced around, but there was no one in the shop. A worker was casually scrolling on her phone behind the counter and slow music from the 80s was drifting out of the speakers. "Do you love me?" There was a hint of curiosity in your voice.

Jay smiled and kissed one of your hands. You felt your skin warm. "I do." He said. "But what if you don't really feel the same? Am I selfish for wanting to protect myself?"

"Not at all, but feelings are always unsure. They're not something physical." You squeezed Jay's hands. "Feelings are abstract and fluctuate. So I will be sure as I can right now and I'll say it." You took a deep breath. You studied the soft chocolatey gaze of the boy you'd been friends with for what felt like forever. He was the boy you trusted the most.

"Jay." You titled your head down but then lifted it when you thought it better to meet his gaze.
"I love you."

You both grinned foolishly. "If you won't accept me now," You stood up and moved around the table between the two of you so you could stand in front of Jay. "Ten years from now, this date. If we're both single, we'll get married."

Jay stood up and one of his hands lifted unsurely to cup your face. You leaned into him and smiled sweetly.

"There's no need for that." Jay leaned closer to you, his eyes dragging down to your lips. "Can I kiss you?"

Your hands went up to rest near his neck. You felt a swarm of butterflies dancing and flitting in your stomach. "Of course you can." You shut your eyes and he pulled you closer. You giggled the moment he kissed you, because you could feel him smiling. You shared small kisses with breaths in between, then he licked your bottom lip. You pulled away, your skin hot and buried your face into the side of his neck. He patted your back. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize." You flushed. "I'm embarrassed."

The entire time, not a single thought of Sunghoon or Jake crossed your mind. It was so lovely. You trusted Jay. You loved Jay. He was your best friend, and now? He was your boyfriend. You were smiling so incredibly much.

You knew already that you would love Jay unconditionally for the rest of your life and you knew already he would love you. You were correct in that assumption of course. Sunghoon may have been your first and Jake may have been your most passionate, but Jay was your last love, and you would never need anyone else.