Trans Moth Boi Has Issues

89

Welcome to me anxiety induced ranting again, this time on a 5 page paper rough draft due tomorrow morning at 9 am. well technically this morning because im writing this all at 1 30 or around that in the morning and basically gonna add on until i have more than 3 page done on the stupid paper i don't wanna write because i hate academic writing because i get stuck and i should have wrote this paper sooner but i cant write something in 4 days  while i have a ton of other shit going on and i also am currently trying not to have an anxiety attack over this stupid shit i could have prevented if i would have just done this sooner but executive dysfunction doesnt work that way and i doubt my professor would listen or be understanding if i emailed him "hey sorry that first assignment we had to do? I got barely  paragraph done before I had an anxiety attack over it because there's no way my brain will give me enough time or energy to get five pages done. But also i don't have enough power over my own brain to allow myself to just Do The Thing without a breakdown of some sort, plus you've shown you don't seem to understand or care very much about the mental health of people you work with seeing as your reactions and actions during the musical i was involved last semester that you directed and got upset anytime i wasn't at rehearsal despite the fact that i would tell you in multiple ways that i had work and wouldn't be able to make it and would you expect me to be on top of pretty much everything without asking while doing a million things at once and not expect me to be stressed out. oh and i did all this last minute because my brain decided to work on any  other class because it completely forgot it cant write five pages in one night without divine intervention and now i regret ever having consciousness. ok thanks for understanding and ill try harder next time."

anyways, im gonna spend the next however long it takes putting together a very rough and shitty draft and hoping by some miracle i can get it to five pages. (doubt but well see)

don't mind me just waiting for the void to consume me so i don't have to finish this god forsaken paper. I'm probably being dramatic over nothing but i also have nothing in my brain dieaes and literally cannot write to save my life rn - 1: 42am

At this point imm gone make first/topic sentences to each paragraph and hope that's enough to do....something. I need a nap but if i sleep im not gonna wake up until like an hour before class sooo its time to essentially not get sleep and hope it works out.....key word hope. also i moved to sit in front of the bed. maybe i should try sitting under it and see if that helps. doubt it but we can always try- 1:53 am

I ever mentioned how much I suck and also hate writing? Because I d0, i very very much hate it. why do i do this to myself - 2: 10am

caffeine isn't fun anymore i hate this. I literally spent a good 10 minutes silently yelling at myself for being mentally ill and nearly sent myself into another anxiety attack but hey at least i kind of got some more done....im still only at about three paragraphs. i want to sleep but i cant and im reading tomorrow. ugggggyyyy why must i be mentally ill - 2: 43 am

im so funking tired you have no idea. there's no way imma be able to finish this in time. i barely have 2 pages im gonna die. tomorrow gonna suck, im gonna want death even more, annnndddddddddddddddddddd i don't wanna have my paper peer reviewed. i hate this, i hate life, i hate anxiety disorders and executive dysfunction and ,y inability to bs my way through a five page paper with only 3 hours until i absolutely have to quit. someone please trade brains with me, i am beggggiiingg- 4:17 am

yep, there is no possible way im going to be able to get this rough draft done, as i need sleep and can already feel my body falling asleep an weighing me down. Lets hope i don't sleep through my alarms and i mean having something is better than having nothing right? please don't let this be the death of me. thanks. like i would chug the rest of this coffee but it idn't going to do shit for me consdirng Ive been working on this paper for about 10 or so hours now and have only gotten 2 pages hahhahaha kill me - 4:30 am

annnd with that i shall hopefully actually wake up to my larams tommrowo