You are enough

Guilt

Gabriel's POV

I knocked quietly on Nathalie's door. I knew it was early, but my mind was unable to reach peace. My performance three nights ago had been little more than lameful, but now I was ready to face her.

That night guilt was killing me: I had insulted the person who was helping me, I had lied to the only human that was loyal to me, and I had betrayed the woman I cared the most for. I had little to no time to process; the rush of the battle, the finding of Nathalie's body in the basement, the thought of losing Nathalie that haunted me like a ghost... and then her deep blue eyes that stared into mine exposing me to the misery my secretary was submerged into. So I lied. I lied and abandoned the room like a coward.

I spent the rest of the day locked up in my studio, sorrow creeping deeper into my heart with every second that went by until tears burst out of my eyes. I was unable to retain them, they just flowed down my cheeks and it felt as if the only thing that could cease my pain was Nathalie's warm embrace.

So there I was that very same night in her room, eager to tell her everything: my dilemmas, my troubles, and my deepest thoughts. Yet, at the sight of her tender bluish eyes, the only words I could utter was just a ludicrous apology. And then silence. An intense silence that burned me alive that was supplanted by coolness and stillness as she placed her hand on mine with a gentle squeeze and a soft smile.

"I forgive you, Mr. Agreste," she said.

"Thank you, Nathalie," I replied clumsily, "Have a good night."

I left feeling a total fool. Even if I did not see it, I could imagine her shrugging and grabbing her book letting out a long sigh due to the stupid interruption she had had to deal with.

"Yes?" She called from inside. Her raspy morning voice made me smile.

"Nathalie, it's me."

"Come in, sir."

I entered the room with some tea and scones she could have for breakfast. My secretary was sitting there with her hair bun a bit messy and dark circles under her eyes.

"Good morning sir, is there any urgent matter I shall assist you on?"

"There is no other matter more urgent than you, Nathalie," I said, "I owe you an explanation."

"I'm listening, sir." She squeezed my hand.

I felt the tension fall off my shoulders, the warmth of her skin complemented perfectly with mine.

"I missed you," I confessed, "These days in which I did not enter your room, in which I did not hear your voice, in which I did not have the wisdom of your advices... I felt lonely... and, do not get me wrong, please, not the kind of loneliness that a person feels in their solitude after spending time among other individuals, but the kind of loneliness that makes one feel hollow."

She nodded with a timid grin on her face, her eyes sparkling.

"You've become irreplaceable to me, Nathalie. You are a crucial part of my life... of our life and when you are not around I feel I am genuinely lost," I sighed. How could I go on with this? True, I had practised my speech for three days in front of a mirror, but now it was not as easy.

"I appreciate you as much, sir." She pursed her pinkish lips.

"What is it, Nathalie? I know that look." I clasped her hand against my chest. "We can trust each other, right?"

"Of course, sir. It's just I- nevermind. Proceed."

"If you do not mind... I just wanted to apologise. I was angry, furious and disappointed. Not at you, Nathalie... but at me. It was my plan, and I had failed again. And not only failed! I almost got caught by those pricks... and you saved me. You saved me knowing the consequences, you saved me knowing it could be the last time you breathed... you saved me after I swore upon my goal I would never put you in danger ever again. Losing Emilie was painful enough... but losing you? I'm nothing without you." She placed her loving hand on my cheek.

"I'm sorry too, Gabriel. I won't wear the miraculous and I won't disobey you ever again. But please, stop."

"What do you mean, Nathalie?" My heart skipped a beat. Was she feeling the same way as I did? I felt feeble, unsure of how to proceed, unsure if I wanted to proceed. Some days, the void Emilie left in me and the entire family seemed unbearable, but some others all I had to do was look at my assistant for me to feel complete, and that sensation has become more recurring.

"Nothing, sir." Her expression tightened. "I... just do not want you to jeopardise your plan anymore. You truly scared me. We will get her back."

I sighed, how could I ever think this was about me? "I won't, don't worry."

She smiled as she grabbed a scone and handed another one to me.

"Maybe we should create a plan that is both infallible and less risky. The akumatization was great, the timing was not. Let me think about it, I'll try to find a way through it."

"Don't overload yourself. You should truly rest."

"How about a game of chess?" she asked, pointing at the chess table in the room.

"Are you going to beat me again, Nathalie?"

"Oh, Gabriel, you'll never know what hit you," she chuckled.

I grinned at her defying arrogance. All her formality and seriousness dropped down whenever we played chess. She became cocky, and competitive, letting go of the usual respectful manners... not that I did not do the same. And, I must admit, it was fun.

I helped her up and carried her to the table.

"How are you feeling? I mean, are you doing better? Still coughing?"

"Still coughing, yes," she made the first move. "But no blood, that is good."

"That is excellent news, Nathalie."

"I do have plenty of nightmares, though. That is why my resting has not been quite as desired."

"That is not good. Emilie would have those too due to her delicate state... yet you seem to be stronger in health... I am positive you will get better soon." I made my move and clutched a rebel hair lock into her bun, as she pressed her blushy cheek into my hand. I could not help but smile.

As usual, she was victorious in our game, yet she seemed exhausted; her eyes were weary, so I accompanied her back to the bed. I covered her with the sheets and removed her glasses. She looked almost angelic: a smile across her face; no frowns or pressed jaws, just a tranquil expression that revealed the happiness we both felt after spending time together.

I held her hand and pressed our foreheads together.

"Nathalie, I..."

"Sir?"

"It's nothing, rest. Do not worry. Anyhow, thank you for listening... I felt I needed to set things clear between us and I... nevermind, call me when you are awake, will you?"

"I will, sir."

"Get better soon, my Nathalie." I mentally wished her as I left the room.

Once I arrived at my office, I pressed my fists against my temples. Our conversation did not go as I practised in front of my mirror for days. True, I had apologised, but that was not my entire speech: some words were missing, some feelings eluded... I just did not seem to have the guts to tell my assistant she was no longer an assistant, but a friend, the dearest of friends, and that there might be deeper feelings blossoming in my heart.