𝗷𝗮𝗻𝗲, harry potter

˗ˋ 80

CHAPTER EIGHTY
✧
-: fifth year :-

── IN WHICH HARRY SPEAKS
TO SIRIUS

. . .

Harry felt bad about lying to Jane. Which was a change, because usually lies made him feel a little better; lying to an over-bearingly worried Hermione about the shooting pains in his forehead, lying to several teacher about not completing homework for various reasons, lying to Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia about things to do with magic - they were always hilarious. But he didn't like lying to Jane. Not anymore anyway.

Before, he hadn't had any other option but to hide the wizarding world away. Even then, though, he still found himself - for the first time ever - in a position to tell the truth about his feelings and thoughts without fear of judgement or worry that they would be taken for something more. Now that Jane knew absolutely everything she needed to know and was finding out more and more everyday, the Potter didn't really feel the need to keep things from her.

Except now, he had to. But maybe that was okay.. because this was a secret that would ultimately end up with her being happy. He hoped so anyway. 

Jane didn't know any better, which would make it easier. She didn't know to look for something strange, so it would be more than likely it would breeze under her eyes. Harry though, couldn't spend his time worrying and the day following the spark of inspiration to hold such a thing he slipped away from the lilting music that came from Ginny rescuing one of the old records and putting it on to play in the drawing room, and began to make his way up the stairs. 

He pushed open the door into Buckbeak's room after only a moment of hesitation. Sirius was his primary source for help in this situation seeing as he didn't quite have anyone else to go to, and the welcoming expression on his face when he looked up from the Hippogriff to see his godson in the doorway made the Potter so much more ready to talk to him.

"I thought the smell bothered you." Sirius commented, as he fished out another dead rat from his bag and launched it at Buckbeak, who snapped his curved beak open and shut and gulped it down. "Otherwise I would invite you up here more often - I tried everything to make it smell nicer, but nothing seems to work inside the room. Although, I've heard that you spend every morning smelling distinctly of honey, lavender and vanilla, so I don't think it bothers you that much." His words were joined with a wink and Harry flushed, although he didn't think the embarassment showed on his cheeks.

"You saw me going up to her room before.. so I'm guessing you know why." Harry made sure to close the door behind him, coming to rest against the dark-printed wallpaper that lined the room. "I was wondering if I could ask you a few things.. um.. like I did in my letters." He winced, fingers tugging at his sleeves. 

Sirius seemed to stand straighter at that, and although he didn't actually do it, it looked as though he would jump away from Buckbeak any second and hug him. "What sort of thing? I don't really have as much experience with the ladies as you think. I think everyone got the impression I was quite the ladies' man whilst at Hogwarts.. but it's a common misconception." 

"Then who...?" Harry trailed off, his eyes narrowing. "Jane asked me a question the other day. She didn't finish it, but it was when you were talking about your Uncle Alphard's-"

"Your girlfriend is awfully perceptive, have you noticed?" Sirius's eyebrows darted up in conspiracy. "She was right, you know? Whatever it was.. whatever me and Moony had was thrown back by thirteen years and it's like we're right back at the beginning." 

"Oh." Harry blinked. "Oh. I never even realised." There was a sort of odd relief in his stomach. He knew that Sirius was disappointed about him going back to Hogwarts and not staying there with him, and he found himself exceptionally glad that even if he wasn't there, he had Remus. "So you and Professor.. Remus.. since Hogwarts?"

"Fifth year. O.W.Ls are tough. You have Hermione to get you through it. I had my Moony and several bottles of Firewhiskeys. But I'm a bad influence." Sirius waved his hand dismissively. Buckbeak snickered and Harry made his way over to the great creature, bowing slightly before petting him. "You've shown Jane him, haven't you?"

"Not properly."

"I'd reckon she wouldn't be afraid of a bag of rats." Sirius laughed as Harry leant back once he brandished the sack too close to his face. "It's good that she's perceptive because by god, Harry, you're not that great at noticing things."

"I know." Harry admitted. "...And she's told me, several times. Says I'm as observant as a brick wall."

"Good for her."

"Yeah.. it doesn't feel so bad coming from her." Harry grinned to himself, and upon realising what he said the expression dropped and he turned pink. Sirius shook his head, memories searing through his current thoughts. "I didn't come up here to ask about that though."

"About me and my... boyfriend or the fact you're very okay with your girlfriend insulting you?" Sirius rose an eyebrows, watching as laughter spilled through Harry's fluster in a manner so familiar to him. "Neither? Well, then what exactly?"

"I was wondering if there was anything like a garden.. or something in this house."

"There was." Sirius emphasised. "As in it used to be something my mother used to make sure nobody touched her prized flowers except her and I once almost got my hand burnt off for trampling on a patch of pansies. Now it's all dead and overgrown. Why?" 

Harry blinked, deciding that if Sirius could look past it so could he, and he answered. "Well.. I've never done something for her. And I was thinking that.. seeing as I'm going back to Hogwarts in ten days I'd try and do something before then. Something for her to enjoy. Something that she doesn't have to plan - although at this point I'm pretty sure she likes planning things."

"So you want to have a date. When you can't leave the house and you're living with a dozen other people." Sirius took in the information, pausing. "The roofs are flat, have you noticed? All the roofs of these types of houses are flat. They have their fancy designs to appease the stuffy folk, but behind the odd curved little thing you see it's flat."

"Is there a way to get things up there?" Harry asked. "Like people.. food.. maybe a blanket?" 

"Please - of course there is. I know this house top to bottom, if there was a place that my mother wouldn't go - because you wouldn't catch a 'woman like her' clambering up a ladder and whatnot, me and Regulus took the opportunity." 

Harry blinked, something flashing in his mind. "Regulus... your brother. You were both named after constellations. You're the brightest  star in the sky, and Regulus.. appears singular, but is actually four stars in two pairs." 

"Do Astronomy lessons actually pay off at that school?" Sirius looked dumbfounded, but Harry wondered if it was just an expression to cover that which had spread across his face at the slip up of mentioning his brother. He didn't doubt that if he had realised, Sirius would have only stated himself to have taken the opportunity.

But the Potter didn't say anything.

"No." Harry shook his head. "Jane told me."

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a/n
trust harry to completely sidestep
the usual complications that come
with remus and sirius's relationship
and go straight to how fucking lonely
his godfather was 

also ngl i love writing sirius