Always..

Chapter XIII

Their time was up, my time with them was up and it was that empty feeling in my stomach that made me miss them more. The tour was starting up again and they were leaving, i'll have to actually open those letters for the Universities I applied to and try lessen the twang of sadness- but i'm worried, scared. Niall will be out of my hair but I haven't come to terms with him kissing me yet, not while he's been sauntering round with his girlfriend while the guys tried to distract me with beach days and all you can eat days but I miss him and I hate myself for letting myself acknowlage that I miss him.

I was meeting the boys in half and hour so I went to warn my mum of opening the letters. I wanted to study arts and humanity at Cambridge and before all this drama kicked back up i'd worked my ass off to get there, leave the Irish scene for a while, before I became a full time lazy ass. My poor fingers, I was knawing at them waiting for my mum to gather the unopened letters and sit on the sofa with me, what if they all rejected me. I'd decided to pick myself back up and ignore the one boy who was getting in the way of me going to Cambridge. I wanted it so badly. 

--

Letter after letter. Rejection after rejection. I was losing hope and blood. The amount of paper cuts i'd accumulated wanted to just recieve an acceptance. Even my mum was beginning to have the sympathetic look about her. 

The lads strolled in and sat with us but I was too ashamed to open the last 2 letters knowing now what already awaited me on the printed pages. 

"You alright there Ash you look a bit pale..." Zayn looks un-easy, but I on the other hand probably look ten times worse.

"They've all been rejection letters so far" My mum blurts rubbing a soothing hand on my back. This is why I put it off for so long. 

"We could write you a killer recomendation letter, or management, even Simon!" Harry is triumped with his marvellous idea however i'm not too keen.

"No. I want to get this by myself, I don't want to use you guys. You've all been so nice to me but this is too much. Thankyou though, Harry" I give him a sincere smile and grabbing the letters including the two unopened and I head to sulk in my bedroom for a bit and relish in the amount of people who have turned me down and not wanted me. 

I grip the door knob and try and open my door, but it wont budge. As if someone is behind it. 

"Can I get into my room, please?" I'm not too sure what i'm doing now why i'm asking to get into my own room. 

It works though and the lock is pulled back. Footsteps drag across the floorboards and they sit on my bed. I open my door to find.. Niall? Didn't he get the message last time? I didn't want to know him cause he'd changed so much. But I was in a sullen state and part of me was even pleased to see him sat there crossed legged, like we used to, so I joined him not having the fight in me for an argument; not that I wanted to argue with him on the first place. He goes to talk but I stop him. Although not to apologise because I meant near enough ever word.

"I wanted to talk to you about something and see if you were ok-" He begins

"If you ask if I am okay I will shove liquorice up your nose and we will both hate the smell" I make myself smile but I don't turn to face him instead I hand over the wad of envelops in my hand. Our hands brush and I shiver a little but I compose myself and sit with my hands in my lap and head down, hair covering my face.

"Want me to open the last two?" His voice is like home but I nod anyway. The sound of letters being ripped open now makes me feel sick to my stomach and I feel lightheaded as the moments pass of Niall skimming the words. "I'm sorry, they sai-"

"Stop. Just lets get the last one over with" It hadn't been 'we' in a while, or 'us'. But that was his fault. My brain hurts from all this emotion and I lean my head in my hands but i'm quickly knocked off of my bed by Niall shifting quickly.

"YOU DONE IT ASH! I'M SO PROUD OF YOU. MY GIRLS GOIN T' CAMBRIDGE! IT'S THE UNI LIFE FOR HERR!" He sang. All I could comprehend was that he said 'my girl'. I ignored it and threw myself at him feeling at ease in his arms the tears pooling at the brim of my eyes before racing down my cheeks. 

I couldn't quite believe it. Or that I had caved and found myself seeking his comfort. I will be away in London soon enough, why don't I leave tonight, or tomorrow. Stop this cycle. Start fresh. It's all too tempting and new and exciting and I feel like a bubble waiting to pop.

We stop jumping around and just stand in one anothers embrace like we had before he left. I looked up and almost saw that same boy I fell for in his eyes but it was gone as soon as everyone clambered into my room engulfing me between them all. 

"We're so proud. My girl at Cambridge" It sounded different when my mum said it but I hadn't noticed that Niall had left. Again. 

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Short again I know but I don't know if it's worth continuing.