Always..

Chapter XII

It wasn't until around 40 minutes into Jackass that I could her footsteps traipsing across the landing and down the stairs. This is when the second thoughts made me doubt the decision to stay here. But the other option is to sit alone by myself. Oh no. Following the heavier footsteps were heels. Can I face this? I don't want to ruin the nice day I've had, me and the boys had.

Light chatter can be heard coming down the stairs and I cuddle further into the blanket. Zayn is sat in front of me and he turns and gives me a smile, I return one and try to ignore the sound of the door hinges creaking as its opened.

"Can we join this little party?" Niall attempts to joke but we all just stare at him, I force myself not to look at her.

"There's room over there" Harry points to the other end of the room at a two seater far from the telly, they sit and it goes quiet again- all the while I pick at the fluffy blanket.

I peek over the blanket. But I wish I hadn't. They're all over each other. The bile is edging up my throat and I need fresh air; now.

Within moments I've removed myself from the room without anyone but Zayn noticing. I sit in Niall's garden on a small bench and hug my knees to my chest the cold air nipping at my cheeks and dancing up my bare arms leaving a trail of goosebumps behind. I close my eyes and let my mind go blank, only shivering slightly but it isn't bothering me that much.

I hear rustling and the scuffing of feet against the patio. I don't want to be bugged right now.

"Liam if you've come to ask if I'm okay again I am" I breath, remaining in the position I have for the past five minutes. They take a seat beside me on the bench.

"It's not Liam" Their voice is gruff and deep.

"Harry I'm not in the mood" I warn

"Okay, at least I know you're alright" I can hear his cheeky smile before he walks off and the door shuts, but not straight away.

I feel calm surrounded by leaves crackling and whipping in the wind, it's soothing to get a break like this from noise and tension. It's better than a massage or something. Taking me to a field to lay is better than a spa pass. I'm joined once again on the bench and it's beginning to annoy me.

Crossing my legs I open my eyes and just as I turn my head someone's lips are on my own and I don't know who's.

It takes a few moments for me to fathom what's taking place and I pull away taking in blue eyes and blonde hair. My hand reacts before I can, reaching out and colliding with his cheek. His lips have been on that and I can't do this. Nope. No way.

"Ashlyn I" I stop him disgusted

"No Niall. You've taken it too far. You think you can flit between girls, well guess what I'm not some adoring fan who would just kiss you after you've been all over another." At this point I'm going to regret even beginning to talk. "You've assumed for me once again and it's not your place. I don't even like you like that" don't listen to me "How could I like, even love someone who went behind my back and didn't tell me he had a long term girlfriend. That's low Niall Horan even for you. How can I trust you? I can't hold back, not anymore I'm telling him the truth. "You haven't made the slightest effort to make amends, they were weak and I deserve more- we both know it. I'm not being selfish but I needed you and you let me down an apology isn't going to cut it. Maybe when you made me fall off the sea-saw when we were 7 or when you made me drop my ice cream at the beach but not now. I'm too hurt. I don't even know you anymore Ni" I'm rambling and I noticed I had raised my voice more than intended as I finish.

Everyone is peering through the back door and his bimbo claws through them all scowling at us through the glass. I muster the confidence and raise my middle finger up at her, the boys are whooping and laughing and I feel better after unloading all of that.

He gives no response and I don't know why I expected one. He really had changed.

Getting up I wave the boys to the front of the house and we go to mine. I don't want to be alone in the house. We sneak across the road and order take out, none of us mentioning my rant and I'm glad. We even finished watching Jackass all together.