She sat in her room, mindlessly looking out of the window in front of her. Birds chased each other through the blue sky, swirling around clouds as if they were angels. The leaves from trees blew gently in the breeze, their branches tickling each other when a larger gust of wind came along. The clouds moved in sync, almost in slow motion. She could sit here for hours, just staring out her window as though she was looking at a TV screen.
It confused her sometimes, how beautiful simple things can be when you just take the time to look at them. It eased her mind.
Sometimes, she got so lost in her own head, that everything seemed to turn dark and fuzzy, almost as if she was coasting through her own life on autopilot. Physically there, but never mentally.
That usually came back around on her though, forgetting things that people had said to her, forgetting precious moments that she'd shared with her friends.
She was there, but not really.
She sighed, pulling herself from the comfort of her own bed, forcing her legs to move her and do something productive. This was a struggle, not always, but sometimes.
Her thoughts seemed to consume her from time to time, almost like she was being sucked into a big black hole that she could never seem to get out of. She'd been there before, she wouldn't let it happen again.
So, she went about her usual routine. Something to keep her in check, something normal.
Coffee, a bite to eat, shower, brush teeth, get dressed, messily apply some sort of makeup.
Then she would stare at her reflection in the mirror, over evaluate every single flaw she had convinced herself that she had. Looking at herself, her clothes, her hair from every possible angle.
People have a tendency to pick you apart, no matter who you are or how you look. So, eventually you begin to pick yourself apart too.
Everyone does.
It's an endless cycle, that sometimes seems never ending, and for her, that's exactly how it felt.
She took a deep breath as she put her key in the door and opened it, breathing in the fresh air that hit her in the face as she did so. It was nice, the feeling of something other than her four bedroom walls surrounding her.
Placing her headphones in her ears, she allowed herself to absorb her music, really listen to the melody and the lyrics she was hearing. This allowed her to calm her mind and focus on something else other than her worries of what people would think of her as she walked down the street.
She began to feel overwhelmed as she entered the centre of her town. Her town was small, not too small, but small enough for everyone to know you and everything about you. She hated it. She hated people assuming they knew her, when they never really did.
That's the thing with small towns, there's always gossip and rumours to distract the other boring people from their day to day boring lives. However, she couldn't possibly think of herself as any better than the people in her town, as she performed the same actions they did.
Hearing gossip, spreading gossip.
Who was to blame her? She was a teenage girl.
Rumours and gossip will tear you apart. People believe whatever they want to when it benefits them.
She closed her eyes for a moment, breathing deeply through her nostrils and out through her mouth, she turned her music down for a second and thought about all the things she could see and hear around her.
Cars, people, houses, trees, the sound of her own footsteps.
This helped, most of the time.
